Thursday, August 28, 2008
I'm in love
I'm in love - with the person who first set my heart ablaze - as a song by Cole Porter says (from the play Out Of This World). I'm in love with Angela, and that makes me very happy. I'm in love with a lot of things, actually: our daughter and granddaughter, our doggies, lots of friends, our home, and all that other stuff, but mostly I'm in love with Angela. What a change that is from thinking about divorcing David. That was years ago, of course, but it was a consideration. We just weren't getting along. We were still in love, we still had good sex, we still liked all the same things, but our day to day living had lost the sparkle. We fought often, and just didn't see eye to eye about how our lives were going. Angela's transition changed all that. Part of it was hormonal changes that altered her way of seeing the world. Most of it though was just letting her be who she needed to be. As soon as she was at peace with herself - her body in line with what her mind knew she really was - life was good - for both of us. I'm in love with her mind, body and soul. Being at a wedding this weekend left me reflecting on 42 years of marriage. The first part was good, after Audra was born it was even better, and then things started falling apart. Angela was so withdrawn and unhappy that it spilled over into everything. We disappeared in that morass. That was a shame because we really loved each other. The depression and stress he carried filled up the space love used to occupy. Things got better when he found out it was okay with me if he wanted to dress up; things improved even more dramatically when he began the Harry Benjamin standards of care, got onto hormones, got counciling and started moving toward sex reassignment surgery. When s/he began his real life test life got good again, for both of us. Now all that transition is over, and Angela is just Angela, and I love her to death! She is just so delightful. It's great to be in love! Yeah, being in love is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!
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My husband is in transition and we are in love, but the stress is killing us. My 12 year old is not being allowed to play with her friends by their parents. My 18 year old is having anxiety attacks. My 28 year old son and his 25 year old sister got into an arguement with my spouse a few weeks ago and said some pretty nasty things and my spouse pushed my son's shoulder, who went and took a warrant out on him for assault. He was arrested, humiliated, they took all of his money for bail and he had to walk home in the rain because his car and phone were at the house. My spouse has large breasts now and has had FFS, but not SRS yet. Is scheduled in December, so she is treated as a male by the law. We have all been supeonaed to court on Sept 3. I will not go. I can not be forced to choose between my son and my spouse, both of whom I love, but the stress of it all is causing physical pain and intense emotional strain. My spouse spent all morning crying and my stomach is in knots. My older son told me someone came into where he works and asked if he was (his name), my spouse's stepson. He said yes, and the guy said he was associated with the KKK and they planned to burn our house down as long as my husband remains in it. He was warning my son, because he didn't want for the little girl (our 12 year old daughter) to get hurt, but if she did, she did. The older children are my spouses stepchildren and the younger one ours. When transition first began, he promised never to do anything to hurt us, now he doesn't care who sees him out in public in female dress. He wants to be percieved as female, but in a small town....you get ostracized and hated. Any advice?
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