I'm in love

I'm in love - with the person who first set my heart ablaze - as a song by Cole Porter says (from the play Out Of This World). I'm in love with Angela, and that makes me very happy. I'm in love with a lot of things, actually: our daughter and granddaughter, our doggies, lots of friends, our home, and all that other stuff, but mostly I'm in love with Angela. What a change that is from thinking about divorcing David. That was years ago, of course, but it was a consideration. We just weren't getting along. We were still in love, we still had good sex, we still liked all the same things, but our day to day living had lost the sparkle. We fought often, and just didn't see eye to eye about how our lives were going. Angela's transition changed all that. Part of it was hormonal changes that altered her way of seeing the world. Most of it though was just letting her be who she needed to be. As soon as she was at peace with herself - her body in line with what her mind knew she really was - life was good - for both of us. I'm in love with her mind, body and soul. Being at a wedding this weekend left me reflecting on 42 years of marriage. The first part was good, after Audra was born it was even better, and then things started falling apart. Angela was so withdrawn and unhappy that it spilled over into everything. We disappeared in that morass. That was a shame because we really loved each other. The depression and stress he carried filled up the space love used to occupy. Things got better when he found out it was okay with me if he wanted to dress up; things improved even more dramatically when he began the Harry Benjamin standards of care, got onto hormones, got counciling and started moving toward sex reassignment surgery. When s/he began his real life test life got good again, for both of us. Now all that transition is over, and Angela is just Angela, and I love her to death! She is just so delightful. It's great to be in love! Yeah, being in love is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!

Part 3 Things to think about re a spouse's transition

Skin: Angela is four years older than I am, but she looks 10 years younger! Why? Because she developed baby skin when she first went on hormones. Yep, it took away all the wrinkles and made her very soft to the touch! You'll like that, and so will she, no doubt. It was, initially, a source of wonder, because it made such a difference in how she looked. Remember she was in her late 50s when she made the transition. She really looked like she might be in her late 30s or early 40s. When we speak at colleges, universities, and forums, we joke about what a sweet young thing she turned out to be. It's true, though. So, be prepared. What's actually happening is she's developing that little layer of fat that women have under their skin that men do not have. Now that it's been 6 years since her surgery, and 9 years since she began hormones, she's starting to show some wrinkles again. I guess that's the bain of all humanity - as we age, we get wrinkles. So enjoy the soft touch, and let her bask in the romanticism of being far younger than she is.

MY REAL LIFE TEST a working weekend

Saturday was a day for writing, and when it ended, my proposal for MY REAL LIFE TEST was finished. That accomplishment was primarily due to my mentor, the best selling author Bonnie Hearn-Hill, who graciously gave up a morning to edit the piece. Please visit her website: http//www.bonniehearnhill.com.

Sunday was a double check day, meaning making sure all the edits were done, word-by-word. Now comes the scary part, boxing it up and sending it off, which I hope to do by Friday.

Being a writer means making yourself write. That's harder than you may think. Words have meaning. Every one of them, and each should be used wisely. Choosing the right ones is a must. MY REAL LIFE TEST is my story, so each word choice must also tell exactly what happened to me as I show How My Husband Became My Wife, and Why I Stayed.

I always wanted a wife

Life gets complicated. Have you noticed that time gets squeezed; there's more to do than time to do it, and the old job jar stays full? So, one afternoon, when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, I blurted out, "I wish I had a wife." I wanted one because wives take care of the details. Wives make things "nice." They make life comfortable. So, even though I WAS a wife, I decided I wanted one too. That was long before David became Angela, but the thought of having a wife to take care of the details, to make things nice and comfortable continued to be appealing. I never realized just how much that wish became ingrained until Angela began her transition. As she began her Real Life Test, she said, "You bring home the bacon, and I'll do the housework and cooking during the week." Wow! Suddenly, I had a wife! What's more, she liked it, it was all new to her. When I came home from work, the house was clean, the dinner was on . I could come in, change clothes and have some down time. I even began to join her in the kitchen, as time went on, and we found it was fun to fix a meal together. We talked while we stirred a pot or handed down a serving plate. We tried recipes, we took turns doing the salad while the other did a side dish. We conferred on the main course. The barbecue and I became friends, just as Angela had become friends with the bread machine, the mixer and the cookbook. So, the past couple of evenings, I've been stuck to the computer, and Angela has been busily whipping up dinner. It's so very nice to have a wife!