Friday, July 25, 2008

42 years

We've been married 42 years - as of the day before yesterday! Not bad for any couple, but pretty special given the circumstances, don't you think? Well, I do! Just to drive the trans point home, without Angela's transition, I don't think we'd have made it. There would have been a divorce, for sure - because:

One: David was unhappy as a man. He was depressed, compulsive, reclusive and overly critical. He was not easy to get along with - period. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. No, he was never physically abusive, and we always had a good sex life. But, because he was not happy with himself, he was not happy with the world in general. Additionally, he projected his need to be a woman onto me. He always wanted me dressed the way he would have been dressed had he been able to be Angela. His transition saved our marriage.

Two: I had taken David's need to project his need to be feminine onto me as rejection of me. I am talking about his wanting me to "be" the Angela he couldn't be. Neither of us realized that was what was happening until we sought counciling with a therapist familiar with transgender issues. I took what I thought was rejection and internalized it as my not being "good enough." It didn't take long for that to make me angry, as I was a successful business person, and I was often complimented on my dress and personality. Anyway, that rejection resulted in my being angry, which eventually became an explosive anger anytime there was any hint of critisism or desire for me to dress, or look, any other way than I chose. We had reached a point where, outside of enjoying sex together, we had little in common, and we didn't spend much time doing anything together.

When we discovered Angela's need to crossdress, we also recognized that when crossdressed, he was delightful to be around. He was happy, talkative, and gregarious. What a difference. Once he was able to transition, he was free to be herself. That also freed me to be myself. The critisism stopped, the projection stopped. AND my anger completely disappeared as did all the hurt feelings.

So, Angela's transition saved our marriage! So, here's another Best thing about being married to a transsexual. When a transsexual is free to be themselves, everyone around them can be free to be themselves as well. What a wonderful thing to share with a spouse!