FCC

It's absolutely wonderful when one realizes a true connection when speaking before a class. Last night was one of those occasions. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We shared experiences and difficulties, and the class members asked excellent questions. There is no question that some hearts and minds were changed and others were opened to expanding horizons. There were tears, surprises and many who came to talk to us individually after class. We were all honored to have been invited to speak, and gratified by the response from the class.

What am I?

Angela and I speak to groups often, and when we do, this question always comes up: "Are you lesbians?"

I have a quick answer: "I'm a Straight Lesbian." I say that, not to make light of who and what I am, but to point out that labels seldom tell the whole story. I certainly married "straight." I am a woman who married a man. If I simply said, "Yes, I'm a lesbian," I'd be denying 35 years of marriage to a man. I would also be denying that Angela existed as another person (David) and all that his, and our, life was while Angela was David.

There is no question that we now are Lesbians, at least in the context of "if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck." We each love one another, we are both women, and we make love to one another, so we are "tada!" - Lesbian. Of course, the same things were true for us as man and wife for more than 35 years too. So, perhaps, I'm "Bisexual." Does that mean I'm not Lesbian any more?

Labels are just confusing. Oh, they are great for speaking about groups of people: men who are attracted to men are considered Homosexuals, and women who are attracted to women are considered Lesbian. Both were, or are, considered Queer and/or Gay, mostly depending on the age of the person doing the talking. Things get a little sticky when you try to pin an indiviual down though.

I think I'll stick with Straight Lesbian.

First Things

Angela is feeling better - slightly. So what are the first things she does? She blows off the patio, dusts the front eight rooms of the house, and gets out the sweeper. That's my girl! Of course, each of those items completely wore her out, so she took a thirty-minute break between each - and a two-hour nap before and after lunch. No, I wasn't home to see that she was overdoing it, but the evidence was clear when I returned from my meetings. She also confirmed her exploits over dinner. Yes, she was decidedly "done-in" for the remainder of day, evening and night. It'll be all I can do to keep her from cutting trees tomorrow! That's my T! It's also one of the Best Things About Married to a Transsexual.

Celebrity vs Soldiers

I am concerned about the way we go nuts over celebrities. I don’t just mean Michael Jackson; I mean sports heroes and movie, TV and radio celebs. One of them dies and the world goes into mourning. What happens when a soldier dies? Their family and a few friends go into mourning. Congress has a moment of silence for a celebrity, but nothing when a soldier dies. Folks flock to a celebrity to get an autograph, but can’t show up at the airport to welcome home a fallen soldier from their own community. Okay, I’m from the Vietnam generation, where “our boys” were spat on; but there is no excuse these days. Our country “supposedly” supports our soldiers. There should at least be a moment of silence in congress every day a soldier dies. There should be a line of folks from every community lining the departure streets from every airport when a fallen soldier comes home. Think about it next time you think about spending money on a celebrity. Angela, as David, spent 23 years in the A.F. and is a much decorated officer, as was my father. I celebrate them every day!

I'm Proud of Her

Sometimes I think she’s downright insane. She’s been very sick for six weeks, but when a neighbor noted that a couple of our trees were encroaching on their property she immediately got the chainsaw and took care of the problem. Yes, I told her not to do it until she was better, and yes, I helped. It only took a couple of hours to fill up our massive garbage bin. She’s been resting/sleeping ever since (except for meals). She takes responsibility as a priority. If something needs doing, she gets it done, even if she’s not feeling well. She took that same attitude as an officer in the Vietnam War. She, as David, received the Distinguished Flying Cross, more Air Medals than I care to count (26), and has flown in every version of the B-52. She’s my hero(ine) in more ways than I care to count. I’ve very proud to be her wife and to have her as mine. That's just one more Best Thing About Being Married to a T!

Looking for answers in all the wrong places

I’ve got a frustrated patient on my hands. Angela is in pain from a serious rash that the docs just can’t seem to pin down. She’s had this for over a month, and we’ve done tests galore. Nothing specific turns up. The good news is that we keep deleting “bad things this could be,” as the docs say. “It’s not her heart, it’s not leukemia, it’s not . . .” You get the idea.
We’re still waiting for results on Valley Fever. Meanwhile, her rash keeps getting worse, and her various other symptoms continue. She’s coping with the heavy night sweats (no, they aren’t hot flashes), the low-grade fever, the cough, tiredness, lack of strength, and shortness of breath. But, she is not dealing well with the rash (no, it’s not shingles). She keeps asking me, “What should I do?” I guess I should take that as a good sign. She still looks to me even as frustrated as she is, and in as much pain as she’s in. I just wish I had an answer besides, “call the doctor, and make another appointment.” Yes, SHE actually goes-to-the-doctor! That's a Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual, but it's still hard to watch someone you care about deal with discomfort.

Goofy Little Things

If it's little thing that count, then it's the goofy ones that give us glimpses of a deeper love shared by two people. It’s just a touch or a smile sometimes, or perhaps it’s a special inside joke or action that warms our heart: While Angela and I were on our honeymoon we saw an older couple walking together slowly. The wife clung, with one hand, to her husband’s bicep like it was a lifeline. He reached across her - with the same arm - to hold her other hand. That is how they strolled around Niagara Falls. Occassionally, one or the other of us will grab the other's bicept and walk along a sidewalk. We may look strange to others, but we're sharing a fond memory.

Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang is a movie we've always enjoyed. Not far into the movie, Grandpa “helps” push a car by placing a single finger on his grandson’s back. We chuckle over this scene often. Now, in fact, we find ourselves imitating them just-for-fun. Doing so brings back fond memories and links our present to pleasant events in our lives.