It's good to have a T

So, I have breast cancer. This is not fun to find out, but having a T around makes it easier. First of all, she's the take-charge-of -things person. She does all the worrying so I don't have to. In fact, she is spending a great deal of time worrying about the fact that I am NOT worrying. I am not worried, you see, because I found it on a Wednesday, saw my doc on Friday, had a mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday, and got the bad news on Friday. The next Friday, I met with my surgeon, oncologists (2-one for chemo and one for radiation), a geneticist, a social worker, and a great nurse who keeps them all in line. I have all my pre-op appointments being scheduled, and I have an "initial" plan, which could change after all the tests are done. I know what to expect, and I know who to contact for each step of the way. That's pretty fast, and I'm sure my medical team have my best interests at heart. (Yes, I'm checking up on stuff on the Internet and with friends and family that have gone through this before). Angela is going along on all my appointments and being my note taker. She's also making certain that everything gets on the calendar, and she's keeping everything in a neat little stack until the official cancer center folder arrives with all it's neat filing system already worked out. In short, my T is my rock, and I appreciate that - A LOT!!!! You see, I always wanted a wife, and now I have one! So, what do I have to worry about?

Choice

Let me begin by saying that I firmly believe that being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender is NOT a choice. When we speak to groups there frequently is someone who claims that being GLBT+ is a Choice. I believe that I am perhaps one of a very few people who have CHOSEN the GLBT+ lifestyle. I say that I have chosen it, not because I was born GLBT+, but because my spouse was. Angela had no choice about being transgendered. She was born to be a female, but her exterior body did not match her feminine brain. I was born a woman who fell in love with a man and married him, 43 years ago. I chose to stay with him when he was able to transition, because he was the person I loved. I embrace that change wholeheartedly, and I continue to support that change. Angela is finally able to BE who she always HAD to be. I am very happy that I chose to stay married to her, that I welcome the GLBT+ lifestyle, and that I am proud to be deemed a Lesbian. To do otherwise would be anathema. I am welcome in this lifestyle and am more than happy with my choice. There is no question that I am as attracted to Angela as I was to David, so why should I deny that? While I didn’t expect to be in love with another woman, I am absolutely certain I love Angela. I am also certain that should I outlive her, I would likely choose another woman as my spouse.

FCC

It's absolutely wonderful when one realizes a true connection when speaking before a class. Last night was one of those occasions. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We shared experiences and difficulties, and the class members asked excellent questions. There is no question that some hearts and minds were changed and others were opened to expanding horizons. There were tears, surprises and many who came to talk to us individually after class. We were all honored to have been invited to speak, and gratified by the response from the class.

What am I?

Angela and I speak to groups often, and when we do, this question always comes up: "Are you lesbians?"

I have a quick answer: "I'm a Straight Lesbian." I say that, not to make light of who and what I am, but to point out that labels seldom tell the whole story. I certainly married "straight." I am a woman who married a man. If I simply said, "Yes, I'm a lesbian," I'd be denying 35 years of marriage to a man. I would also be denying that Angela existed as another person (David) and all that his, and our, life was while Angela was David.

There is no question that we now are Lesbians, at least in the context of "if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck." We each love one another, we are both women, and we make love to one another, so we are "tada!" - Lesbian. Of course, the same things were true for us as man and wife for more than 35 years too. So, perhaps, I'm "Bisexual." Does that mean I'm not Lesbian any more?

Labels are just confusing. Oh, they are great for speaking about groups of people: men who are attracted to men are considered Homosexuals, and women who are attracted to women are considered Lesbian. Both were, or are, considered Queer and/or Gay, mostly depending on the age of the person doing the talking. Things get a little sticky when you try to pin an indiviual down though.

I think I'll stick with Straight Lesbian.

First Things

Angela is feeling better - slightly. So what are the first things she does? She blows off the patio, dusts the front eight rooms of the house, and gets out the sweeper. That's my girl! Of course, each of those items completely wore her out, so she took a thirty-minute break between each - and a two-hour nap before and after lunch. No, I wasn't home to see that she was overdoing it, but the evidence was clear when I returned from my meetings. She also confirmed her exploits over dinner. Yes, she was decidedly "done-in" for the remainder of day, evening and night. It'll be all I can do to keep her from cutting trees tomorrow! That's my T! It's also one of the Best Things About Married to a Transsexual.

Celebrity vs Soldiers

I am concerned about the way we go nuts over celebrities. I don’t just mean Michael Jackson; I mean sports heroes and movie, TV and radio celebs. One of them dies and the world goes into mourning. What happens when a soldier dies? Their family and a few friends go into mourning. Congress has a moment of silence for a celebrity, but nothing when a soldier dies. Folks flock to a celebrity to get an autograph, but can’t show up at the airport to welcome home a fallen soldier from their own community. Okay, I’m from the Vietnam generation, where “our boys” were spat on; but there is no excuse these days. Our country “supposedly” supports our soldiers. There should at least be a moment of silence in congress every day a soldier dies. There should be a line of folks from every community lining the departure streets from every airport when a fallen soldier comes home. Think about it next time you think about spending money on a celebrity. Angela, as David, spent 23 years in the A.F. and is a much decorated officer, as was my father. I celebrate them every day!

I'm Proud of Her

Sometimes I think she’s downright insane. She’s been very sick for six weeks, but when a neighbor noted that a couple of our trees were encroaching on their property she immediately got the chainsaw and took care of the problem. Yes, I told her not to do it until she was better, and yes, I helped. It only took a couple of hours to fill up our massive garbage bin. She’s been resting/sleeping ever since (except for meals). She takes responsibility as a priority. If something needs doing, she gets it done, even if she’s not feeling well. She took that same attitude as an officer in the Vietnam War. She, as David, received the Distinguished Flying Cross, more Air Medals than I care to count (26), and has flown in every version of the B-52. She’s my hero(ine) in more ways than I care to count. I’ve very proud to be her wife and to have her as mine. That's just one more Best Thing About Being Married to a T!