Active Again

Okay, I admit to being a slacker in the blogging arena. I think, though, that it was more of a vacation. I was doing all that Cancer stuff, and it took over my life in a way I had not anticipated. I gio through it without many problems, but blogging took a backseat. I missed doing it, of course, but putting words down correctly didn't always happen. Call it what you will: chemo brain, or just laziness. I'll agree with you generally. I'm on a chemo pill now, but the brain seems to be working, and I want to be involved in blogging again. So, here I am putting words in this little box again.

Since this is supposed to be about being married to a Transsexual, trust me when I say that Angela was a rock through all of this - in the best way (not as poundage such as her being a heavy weight to carry around). She provided wonderful nursing when needed and even better support all the time. She, along with several good friends, made the passage much easier than I expected. Trust me when I say that not all spouses are a help. So, yes, this is another great thing about being married to a T!

Better

She's back! My happy wifey is back. Maybe it was "Menopausal." Who knows? Who cares. We girls are allowed to be emotionally volatile, right? Angela included.

We'll be loading up the RV for a trip with RVing Women this weekend. We'll be staying at an RV resort just south of Redding, CA. This is a fun group of women who are accepting of everyone, and how I wish there were more of these type of folks around! We always enjoy ourselves with them, and rain or not, we know we'll have a good time, even though it's a long drive for only a two night stay.

We've had Brooke here for a couple of days, and due to my medical schedule, Angela has had to be primary caregiver when Brooke is here. She's a great babysitter, in addition to being the perfect grandmother. She's the consummate playmate for a 2+ year old, that's for sure.

She keeps me on the straight and narrow, always making sure that my humidifier is going when I come to bed. She makes sure I take a nap every afternoon. She won't let me lift or move things heavier than I'm "allowed," and she's always available for a tension back rub or a rubdown for lymphodemia. Now, those last two are huge in the Helpful Dept, let me tell you.

She's my biggest booster, and the softest soft shoulder, even when I don't think I need one. She's always there to take on that one-more-job I either used to do, or should be doing when I'm taking a nap or at the doctor instead. She never complains, she just does it. You know what? She the long suffering wife, without the suffering. She always makes me laugh, either at her, the situation, or myself. Even when she's blue herself.

What more could I want? Yes, she's the Best. So, yep, all this is just another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual. Don't you wish you had one?

Beauty crisis

We're having a crisis around here. Angela's SRS was in January 2002. Before and after her surgery, she was beautiful. Her transition took 10 years off her face - all the fine wrinkles were gone, the beard was gone, and the new feminine layer of fat softened all her features. Time passed, and the dosage of HRT lessened, and, of course, she got a little older. She also acquired the laments typical-of-many-females: I’m not pretty enough, and I’m too fat. Yes, she’s gained a little weight. She’s still beautiful to me, and I’m envious of that beauty because I have the same issues, especially now that I have no hair and my eyebrows and eyelashes are falling out too (thanks to chemo!). The main problem, you see though, is that she’s often in blue jeans and a cotton blouse, polo or sweatshirt around the house. The other problem is that we don’t go out where we need to dress up anymore. Most of that is because we’re retired and have less disposable income, but part of that is a choice – we tend to go out to dinner at good, but more casual restaurants like Outback, Applebee’s and such. So, this weekend I’m taking her out for a shopping spree and to a “class joint” for dinner. I’m getting a special card today, to give her tomorrow. We’ll see what happens, and I’ll let you know. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

Eyelashes

My apologies to any and all followers, I've been remiss in keeping this up of late. It won't happen again. This blog is about how great it is to be married to a Transsexual, and I can only say that nothing tops that being the case in my book. Angela has been my staunchest supporter through the bumps cancer has caused, and my inward focus this last month plus, has only proved, again, what a dear she is. She always knows what to say, and when to say it, especially when there is a need for something funny. Last night, we took our daughter to dinner, and while getting ready I got frustrated at putting on makeup because most of my bottom eyelashes are now gone. She simply said, "That's not why I married you, and it's not why everyone loves you, so stop worrying." It was a simple statement, but it took me out of myself and put the focus back where it belonged - on our daughter and her night out without kids." She's there with something cold when I have a hot flash, or with a crayon when I'm bitching about drawing on my thinning eyebrows. She's there with a hug when I need one, or even when I don't. She's not insulted when I suddenly stop snuggling and throw off all the covers, or change clothes three times, or whatever. Remember, now, Ts are "into" make-up and looking good. Even so, she always makes me feel like I look like a star. Hmmmm, maybe if I start wearing sunglasses, no one will notice the missing eyelashes.

Two Billiard Balls

Angela shaved my head this morning. I decided that since we own Bichons because they don't shed, it is pretty silly for me to be dropping hair all over the place (not to mention blocking the shower and sink drains!). It does look a bit strange, but other than that, I'm perfectly happy with my decision. As always, the every-talented Angela accomplished the task quickly. She shaves her own head also, but then, she's had a lot more practice. We'll be two billiard balls when we go to bed without our wigs. Yes, I have my new wig already, so I won't scare anyone to death when I go out in public. This is quite a change for us: Angela, as David, was bald; now it's my turn. She wears her wig all day, but I doubt I will. Time will tell. I don't have to look at my head, where everyone else does. Even the dogs didn't give me any funny looks, so I guess they accept this as just another of "mom's harebrained schemes." Angela has a great sense of humor, on top of her head shaving skills, so I guess that means I now have two Best Things About Being Married to a Transsexual to report today. I'm not even counting the fact that she is starting her next project - laying a new floor down the hall. The old carpet is out, and the new hardwood will be installed over the next few days. She's a marvel!

Taking up the slack

I’ve learned more than I care to say about cancer, but the most surprising thing is that it completely takes over your life. Every weekday has at least one appointment for something –doctors, labs, scans, physical therapy and etc. Each week is regulated by where you are in the chemo cycle. Week one, you can do pretty much as you please. Week two: stay away from anyone with a cold because white cells are diminishing by the minute. Week three: by midweek, one regains their freedom as white cells regenerate. Of course, then it is time to do chemo again, and the cycle repeats. This weekend is officially “stay indoors, don’t go anywhere” per my doctor. So, I’m missing a mall play-date with the grandkids, a day of babysitting, an opening of a friend’s art gallery, a play we planned to see, and a Christmas shopping trip scheduled for tomorrow. Dast, oh dear! Dang! So, guess who is taking up the slack – all by herself – Angela of course! We usually do “kid things” together. Sometimes we both are “on duty,” and sometimes one of us leaves to work on a project, go shopping or meet friends for lunch. We relieve each other for breaks, but one of us is always with the kids. Today, it will be an all day affair for her, although our daughter will be there for the play-date and from time to time throughout the day. Angela is an excellent babysitter; she plays with Brooke like a big sister, and she is a champion at changing diapers and walking babies (yes, she was excellent at both as a father too). So, here’s another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual: a few hormones add a touch of tenderness and patience that all of us enjoy!

Having Fun

It’s the small things that make marriages work sometimes. Sunday was the first day after my chemo that I actually got outside to “play” with Angela. She makes work fun, even when its hard work. She was chopping off limbs and I was picking them up. That’s not a typical scenario for fun I know, but working with Angela is almost always a happy occasion for us. We did a little fencing with branches. We piled the stack higher and higher like a balancing game before we knew we’d gone too far. I held the gate open and closed like a bullfighter’s cape as she charge through it. Next we attacked the garden, finding end-of-season produce like they were Easter eggs. In the case of the tomatoes, it really was a hunt. The fall/winter veggies are doing fine, so they were easy, but that last eggplant was also a bit of a challenge. See, you can have fun while getting work done, especially if you have a T in the family! So, yep, having fun while working together is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual.

Race for the Cure

After a really terrible experience at Community Hospital's Cath Lab while getting my port put in for my Chemotherapy, I'm happy to report that the next Cancer-related item on my list was a great success. The Susan B. Kommen Race for the Cure was today, and four of us retired Fresno Bee (newspaper) gals joined seven other mutual friends for the one mile walk portion. The team captain recently found out she is pregnant, Donna had her cancer surgery two weeks ago, and I had my port put in two days ago, so we didn't think we should overdo it. The others agreed, and all did the one-mile walk. There were more than 6,000 people who participated in the Race for a Cure, most of which did the actual RACE part. It started at 6:30 a.m. The winner did the 5 miles with a 4.68-minute mile, which was pretty darn good! There were also shorter races, I believe. At any rate, I arrived at 9 in time for the awards. The rest of the group joined me in time to honor the survivors, of which Donna and I were included. There were probably 2,000 women who walked across the stage and took their seats in a show of solidarity that was very moving. We then moved on to the walk, which was easy and quickly done. Paula took a fall and scraped up her arm, but she's fine. Yes, we got it tended to at their first aid station. Angela was signed up to go, and donated her $20, but stayed home to do the lawn. We have to take one of our dogs up to Davis to see the super doctors up there, so she felt the lawn had to come first. Of course, she was super solicitous in helping me get ready and doubly so when I came home. She was concerned I might be overtired. Hardly! But she insisted I take a nap, which I gladly did. She's the responsible one, and it's a good thing, as I ended up sleeping for two hours. Evidently, I was more tired than I thought. Her point: "it has only been two days since your port surgery." I'm glad I have my own private nurse, and that's another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!

Settled?

Boy, there is just no way to feeling settled with Cancer. The bottom line is that Angela is about the only thing that's normal around here! She's my rock, my primary supporter, and cheerleader. How many Best Things About Married to a Transsexual can I list? Loads (!) - especially since the diagnosis. Having cancer is having one doctor appointment after another with scans and lab tests in between - and I haven't even started the Chemo or Radiation yet. The surgery went great and poor Angela is doing double duty on everything - yard work, housecleaning, and all sorts of just general helpful things. She's a blessing in so many ways. There are so many things one needs to learn, and there are only a few days to absorb it all and make critical decisions. I was expecting radiation after surgery, but not chemo. Now, chemo is in the mix and starting "soon." I had one bad lymph node, and some "suspicious cells" in two more, so we're fast approaching the Port or No Port decision. I was all for just following my doc's advice, and going with whatever she suggested, but after some research, I'm struggling with info overload. I've got a call into her to discuss not having the port done, and asking about at least one of drugs I'm supposed to take. None of the chemotherapy drugs are "nice," to put it mildly. They all have terrible side effects and long-term after effects. So, hang in there with me. I promise to keep after this blog. I just want to say how much I love having Angela around to share my thoughts, worries, and all the joy she brings me.

Whew! I'm glad that's over!

Surgery's over, and I'm doing fine. Now it's on to the next phase: finding out the results. I'm not good about waiting, but I'm stuck doing so for now. It'll be Wednesday or Thursday before the docs will be able to tell me the results of the lymph tests. Of course, the treatment plan depends on the outcome, so everything is back in limbo for a short while. I liked it a lot better when things were more concrete: "this is what we are going to do." Oh well. The good news is I'm feeling fine and improving each day. Angela, better known as my nurse, is on top of everything. She's doing laundry and draining my drains, she's tending the lawn and dusting the furniture, and she's reaching down everything I need that's above my head and picking up everything I want that weighs more than two pounds. She's a joy and a godsend all rolled in to my own very special T! What more could I ask?! I've got the best of all possible worlds. She's always there when I need her, and all those things are just more of the Best Things About Being Married to a T!

Things Are Getting More Real Every Day Now.

I have a surgery date now, Sept. 29. Having it makes the whole thing seem more "real" now. Angela is certainly a grounding force. Initially, she was worried, but as we have moved through the process, she is relaxing a bit. She's the best nurse possible when I'm sick, so I know she'll be great as I recover and go through the radiation treatments. Right now, though, she is the organizer. Each bit of paperwork that must be attended to is in its place; medical office cards are in their particular spot too, and now that my "official cancer documents" booklet/file has arrived, she's going through along with me. I never realized how many appointments, insurance papers, and whatnot had to be done before the whole process actually begins. It certainly isn't like any other surgery I've ever had. Of course, the stakes are higher. She's a dear, and I love her to death.

It's good to have a T

So, I have breast cancer. This is not fun to find out, but having a T around makes it easier. First of all, she's the take-charge-of -things person. She does all the worrying so I don't have to. In fact, she is spending a great deal of time worrying about the fact that I am NOT worrying. I am not worried, you see, because I found it on a Wednesday, saw my doc on Friday, had a mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday, and got the bad news on Friday. The next Friday, I met with my surgeon, oncologists (2-one for chemo and one for radiation), a geneticist, a social worker, and a great nurse who keeps them all in line. I have all my pre-op appointments being scheduled, and I have an "initial" plan, which could change after all the tests are done. I know what to expect, and I know who to contact for each step of the way. That's pretty fast, and I'm sure my medical team have my best interests at heart. (Yes, I'm checking up on stuff on the Internet and with friends and family that have gone through this before). Angela is going along on all my appointments and being my note taker. She's also making certain that everything gets on the calendar, and she's keeping everything in a neat little stack until the official cancer center folder arrives with all it's neat filing system already worked out. In short, my T is my rock, and I appreciate that - A LOT!!!! You see, I always wanted a wife, and now I have one! So, what do I have to worry about?