Thursday, July 31, 2008

GLBT targets

A gunman opens fire in a church in Tennessee against an open church; a youth opens fire in a school at a gay teen; all over the country there is hatred against GLBT+ folks. I'm of the opinion that when we are judged, it's going to be by a god that is exactly what we hate the most. That would mean some obscure form of sushi’d judge me, I suppose. All kidding aside, I was meant the kind of people we hate - if you hate gays, god is going to be a gay; if you hate people of a different race than your own, god's going to be that - etc. You catch my drift, no doubt. The bible has been used to justify a lot of hate, everything from an eye for an eye to giving folks what they think is the right to justify killings because of their own understanding of the bible. I don't mean to get after folks over what they believe the bible tells them particularly, I'd just like them to make sure it's what they are darn sure about - and not just taking their preacher's word about what something means. I suspect almost everyone's played that old whisper game; well, the bible has been translated a bunch of times. I'd suggest everyone do a little reading / research about that. Remember that the Catholic Church of the early centuries had the most say as to what went into the bible, and the interpretations that were "allowed." There are a lot of scrolls that could have been in the bible that got left out; Translators had their own beliefs, and just a little slant can make words mean different things to different folks. All I ask is that everyone be VERY careful about hating anyone. I think it's best to leave the taking of lives to god. If you have concerns about GLBT+ folks, do some research, contact a local group like PFLAG and go meet with them - or at least go on their website. Watch a video of For The Bible Tells Me So, research how the bible was put together, but most of all - please, think for yourself.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Transsexual Bests after 42 years

Yeah, after 42 years we do finish each other's sentences. Not only that, we know what each other really meant when we misspeak. Both of those are Best Things About Married to a Transsexual by the way. This morning I said, "If we were to ever win a lottery, I'd buy a place between Lead and Deadwood." What I meant was 'between Durango and Silverton,' which Angela noted quietly, and I agreed. We know each other pretty well, you see. We both like both areas, but there is really something earthmovingly (yep, that's probably a new word) beautiful about the area between Silverton and Durango, Colorado. If you've never taken the drive, or ridden the old steam train, you've really missed SCENERY, and yes, I mean every one of those capital letters. And yes, I DO suggest you also go see Lead and Deadwood in the Black Hills. In fact, I suggest you get out and see the country! All of it. That's another thing we agree on, which is probably obvious given the fact we have an RV and use it to see the sights - local, national and state parks and monuments - and all parts in between.

Angela grew up near Niagra Falls, so falling water has to go some to impress her. However, while living in New Mexico, we took a drive to go see Sittiing Bull Falls. It wasn't an easy trip either. We drove along a state highway, then a county road, then a gravel road, and finally a dirt track, and I do mean track. Then we hiked nearly half a mile to see this place we'd heard about. Sitting Bull Falls is quite a sight to see. It's really a grotto, where spring water flows over rocks and drops into a small pool of water. In the grotto, there's lots of greenery. It's quite pretty. Next to Niagra, it's not much of a falls; you'd see more water coming from your bathtub faucet. But, given that it is smack dab in the middle of the dessert, it's pretty spectacular. Would I suggest you go see it? You bet - especially if you are married to someone like Angela, who's willing to go to some of these otherwise hair-brained places I hear about. You see, that's another one of those Best things about being married to a Transsexual.

Friday, July 25, 2008

42 years

We've been married 42 years - as of the day before yesterday! Not bad for any couple, but pretty special given the circumstances, don't you think? Well, I do! Just to drive the trans point home, without Angela's transition, I don't think we'd have made it. There would have been a divorce, for sure - because:

One: David was unhappy as a man. He was depressed, compulsive, reclusive and overly critical. He was not easy to get along with - period. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. No, he was never physically abusive, and we always had a good sex life. But, because he was not happy with himself, he was not happy with the world in general. Additionally, he projected his need to be a woman onto me. He always wanted me dressed the way he would have been dressed had he been able to be Angela. His transition saved our marriage.

Two: I had taken David's need to project his need to be feminine onto me as rejection of me. I am talking about his wanting me to "be" the Angela he couldn't be. Neither of us realized that was what was happening until we sought counciling with a therapist familiar with transgender issues. I took what I thought was rejection and internalized it as my not being "good enough." It didn't take long for that to make me angry, as I was a successful business person, and I was often complimented on my dress and personality. Anyway, that rejection resulted in my being angry, which eventually became an explosive anger anytime there was any hint of critisism or desire for me to dress, or look, any other way than I chose. We had reached a point where, outside of enjoying sex together, we had little in common, and we didn't spend much time doing anything together.

When we discovered Angela's need to crossdress, we also recognized that when crossdressed, he was delightful to be around. He was happy, talkative, and gregarious. What a difference. Once he was able to transition, he was free to be herself. That also freed me to be myself. The critisism stopped, the projection stopped. AND my anger completely disappeared as did all the hurt feelings.

So, Angela's transition saved our marriage! So, here's another Best thing about being married to a transsexual. When a transsexual is free to be themselves, everyone around them can be free to be themselves as well. What a wonderful thing to share with a spouse!

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Trans - Time
Hey, first off, it's okay to be a T. It's okay to be transgendered; AND, it's okay to be transsexual. There is a bit of a difference. A transsexual is Transgendered, but someone who is transgendered may not be a Transsexual! Aha! Transgender is an umbrella term for lots of folks with gender issues (not sexual issues). If you are GAY, you are not transgenered, because you are okay with your sex, and you are okay with the fact that you love those of the same sex. Gay is a sexual issue, not a gender issue. Transgenered folks have a problem with their gender. If they are transsexual, the brain says they are A and their sexual organs say they are B. If you're a crossdresser, there are times you need to cross genders to be comfortable in your skin, so you have a gender issue. You see the difference. Okay, so if you have a child, spouse, or other family memeber who is having trouble with what gender they are, you have a transgendered person. If your male child tells you, "I'm a girl, so I shouldn't have a penis," he's probably transgendered, and likely transsexual. If your spouse says, "I have to be a woman sometimes - to relax and be myself, they are transgendered, and possibly transsexual - they may also only need to cross-dress to be comfortable. Check it out with them, with a therapist, with a doctor, with someone in the community (like a GLBT community center or PFLAG), or at least with someone you trust. There is understanding out there, but you MAY have to search it out. You're always welcome to comment on/email this blog, and I'll get back to you.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Star stuff

We're all made of star stuff. That's what Carl Sagan said in his series Cosmos, which is one of the best series around. I find I rather like that. I like being related to all things, particularly the stuff from which stars are made, don't you? I'm also one of those folks who would take a space flight in a heartbeat, given the chance. My bags have been packed and ready to go ever since the first the first space shots began. I was just a kid, but I remember. Our daughter was born just before the walk on the moon, and I recall watching that spectacular feat on TV too. Only a very few have walked on any body other than earth. I think it's time we started sending men and women out toward the universe - Mars first, then asteroids and moons, and planetoids, and on to whatever we can find. I'd like to touch some of that same star stuff on another planet, or at least, I'd like to know that humans are still reaching for the knowledge only space exploration can bring us. Let's go see what's out there. Let's see if more living star stuff is out there; lets see if we can find more thinking star stuff! We are explorers; we are gutsy too - so let's get on with it!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Traveling through history

I'm a history freak; I admit it freely. I enjoy walking in the footsteps of those who made history. I love standing in a place where history was made. I get goosebumps when I think of the men and women who built our country. Recently, we've been RVing along the Oregon Trail. It always amazes me when we stop at a place like Independence Rock and few travelers even give it a passing thought - much less walk the small distance to actually touch history. Independence rock was a place (large rock) the emigrants wanted to reach by Independence Day. Doing so meant they were likely to pass through the mountains before the snows came, generally assuring them a safe passage, weather wise, to either Oregon, California, or Salt Lake (depending on the destination desired). Independence Rock was a place to celebrate our country's independence, even if the wagon train were a tad early - or a tad late. If they were near their goal date, they often afforded themselves (and their oxen or mules) a day of rest. What a treat that must have been after days on end walking the prarie! They had left their families and comfortable homes and farms behind, they had set out with little knowledge of what was ahead. Their courage and determination lead them and egged them on. They had visited Fort Laramie and resupplied. They had already begun to leave some nonessentials by the wayside. Many had already lost a child, a spouse, or another member of the family or close friend. Accidents along the trail were common. Bad water, illness, wagon, animal and gun mishaps each took a few members of the traveling party to their grave. Yet the members of the wagon train carried on. They buried their dead and moved beyond their grief. Me? I'd have taken a first look at the Rocky Mountains and decided trying to farm in the middle of Indian Country seemed safer than taking a wagon through the mountains! Heck, I doubt I'd have made it to Independence Rock. I have nothing but admiration for those that carried on. I figure it's the least I can do to is to take a little walk to an important place to them, doff my hat, and say "Thanks!"

I encourage all of you to go to the historic & beatiful sight you pass as you zip along a freeway. Stop for a moment, say a Thanks, and pay homage to those that found these beautiful places, or that left their footprints along the way as they made history and built our nation. Go, visit history. Give yourself a chance to be awed. Think what it might have been like to endorse the Declaration of Independence, to die at The Alamo, or walk the Oregon (Mormon or California) Trail!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

RVing with a T spouse 2

Patience. That's what I'm developing. We are at a huge rally called an Escapade. If you are into RVing part time, full time, or even now and then, this is an outstanding group to join. They have one or two Escapades per year. They are well attended - we have more than 1,000 rigs here. It's being held at Cam-plex, a large conference area in Gillette, Wyo. The staff here, and the Escapee staff have done a wonderful job of planning the whole event. We have been busy from 8 a.m. until around 10 p.m. nearly every day. Before the official conference started there were tours and social events. While the conference has been going (today is the last official day) there have been outstanding seminars, boot camps, driving schools, tips and tidbits to share, and loads of friends to make. There has been only one minor problem, and that has been the internet and phone connections. Phone has been better than Internet, but both are sometimes things. Angela, being the computer nut that she is, is really missing the computer hook up. Both of us miss the newspaper, but Angela is decidedly having computer withdrawal! We've seen no newspapers and seen no TV since we left home more than two weeks ago, yet the computer is on every day, "just for checking." So, patience is a good thing, don't you think? We'll eventually get a signal. You see, hormones don't change everything!