Part 3 Things to think about re a spouse's transition

Skin: Angela is four years older than I am, but she looks 10 years younger! Why? Because she developed baby skin when she first went on hormones. Yep, it took away all the wrinkles and made her very soft to the touch! You'll like that, and so will she, no doubt. It was, initially, a source of wonder, because it made such a difference in how she looked. Remember she was in her late 50s when she made the transition. She really looked like she might be in her late 30s or early 40s. When we speak at colleges, universities, and forums, we joke about what a sweet young thing she turned out to be. It's true, though. So, be prepared. What's actually happening is she's developing that little layer of fat that women have under their skin that men do not have. Now that it's been 6 years since her surgery, and 9 years since she began hormones, she's starting to show some wrinkles again. I guess that's the bain of all humanity - as we age, we get wrinkles. So enjoy the soft touch, and let her bask in the romanticism of being far younger than she is.

More things to think about re a spouse's transition

Breasts: they're there, and they weren't there before, at least not the sort that poked out. So, one must deal with one's feelings about them. Additionally, you can almost bet that most men who are becoming women are going to want more than the hormones alone give them. Give up trying to convince them that they will be sorry later as they get heavier and don't stand up quite so well. That will NOT work. First off, it won't work because, face it, they are Men who are becoming Women, and most Men have at least some pluses in their minds about breasts. Just think of the fun you'll have making jokes about mountains out of molehills, girls(!) i.e. spouses, girlfriends and otherwise female acquaintances. Make peace with the fact they are going to be there, they are going to grow larger, and after surgery, if it's in the budget, chances are they are going to be at least one size larger than before surgery. Accept it as a given and as a fact.

They are going to go on meds that will make their genitals shrink. After surgery, there will be no testosterone, and if so their sex drive may also decline. I don't mean that their sex drive will go away, I mean it will not be a primary in their mind any more. Everything, literally, will be primary. There will be so many new things for them to experience that sex will fall down the list of priorities. This is the time you need to be making adjustments. We'll talk about that tomorrow.

Another day saved by my T

It was a beautiful day in gold country as we awoke to prepare for our departure. We'd spent a full day Saturday seeing the local sights with another couple from our new RV club. We descended into a gold mine (Sutter), had the best hamburger I've had in years (at Buffalo Chips in Amador!), toured a flower farm before any flowers were in bloom (dumb), and generally just had a good time with new friends. Everything was going smoothly until it was time to put the tow dolly on the coach. It just wouldn't fit. Well, you know the old saying - if it doesn't fit - get a hammer. We tried that, well - sort of - does jumping on it count? Anyway, it wasn't going to work, so Angela to the rescue - again - of course! First off, one must fiddle with it to understand just what is happening, right? Natch. Does she change from her nice top? No. Does she get a rag for dirty hands? No. Does she get something to lay on the ground? No. Well, she did after I began suggesting things like, "Get a rag, change your blouse, take off your jewelry and bring something to lay down on. I got the rag, but it was too late, she'd already used a towel, which is now a rag. I also got paper towels. She did get something to put on the ground, but the blue jeans were already a mess, but at least it saved the blouse (and hair). We keep a tool kit on the RV. It's more than most folks have, but, as you might expect, it did not have the correct sized socket wrench. So, we began to ask around. Most of our 50-coach group was at breakfast and unavailable. Miss Inventive used a crescent wrench and "made do." By the time several folks had returned from breakfast and offered aid, we were fixed and the car was loaded onto the dolly. Oh yes, she'd also helped another couple take care of a propane problem, and another with a refrigeration problem the evening before. Did I mention how luck I (and others) were to have my transsexual (who still knows all her guy things too) in my life. Now, least you think I love her only because of all her abilities - think again. We have a deep and abiding love. I mean 41 years married is nothing to sneeze at. We didn't get there because I can cook and she can fix things!

Time

There just isn't enough of it, have you noticed? I mean, how did it get to be 12:04 a.m. when I sat down at this computer at 10:30 "for just a few minutes?" Of course I didn't intend for another day to dawn before I got to my blog, but it has. So much for good intentions, huh? You see, when I retired, getting a blog going was on my To Do list, near the top even. I did get it up and running within a couple of months of retiring, but then life started interrupting: there was the new grandchild, the new RV, planning and planting another qtr. acre of the Japanese Garden, and that nagging thing called the Home Inventory I promised I would finish within the first year. I'm 3/4 through with the Home Inventory, the Japanese Garden is planned out and about 1/2 is planted, we are certainly RVing all over the place, and we are delighting in the new baby, now 9 months old! Time flies. I'm happy the blog is going well, but I'm displeased that time slips away, and I miss my promised "not-less-than-every-other-day" deal with myself (except when we are away, out of touch, of course). Not all RV parks have the Internet, and I don't want to download half my C drive, email, and other projects onto the laptop that is filled with travel stuff. So, Time just gets in the way of getting everything accomplished. Granddaughter watching has to take priority as she grows to where she can better entertain herself for longer periods of time without taking off at a fast clip into a danger zone. RVing has to have a priority as once one has paid for such an item, one must use it. Now that it's spring - gardening has to be at the top of the list. It's amazing that outdoor physical labor, even loved outdoor physical labor - like finishing up an acre one has been working on for 3 years, is capable of completely wearing a person (me) out. So, again, time gets away. When I sit down at the computer, there's email, snail mail to write and ready to send, there's all variety of bills and whatnot to tend to, and friends and committments and - well, you see where the time goes. Pretty soon, it's 12:04 and another day has passed between blogs. I apologize to my readers, and to myself, because I have let me down too, you see. But - it's all Time's fault. It seems to slip through my fingers more often these days. I'll continue to try to do better. I promise. Meanwhile, I can always lean on Angela. She's the best support a person could have - and what a delight that is!

A Package of Time

I need Christmas to come with a package of time. I've become used to convenience packaging, and I'd like Christmas to come with a bit more ease. It's hectic, it's franic, and it too crammed together. No, that is not a plea for the holiday season to start earlier! Heck, most of the stores have Xmas stuff up about the time they put out Halloween costumes and decor. No, I just need longer hours. It's the decorating, entertaining, holiday cards, shopping, wrapping, and mailing that deserve more of my time and devoted interest. I also want more time to enjoy each of those things. Every time I begin a project for the holidays I feel rushed; I feel like it all needs to be finished right now, today, as quickly as possible. While I do each item, I enjoy it, but that pressure to rush, to get it off my To Do List, seems to interfere with that enjoyment. I can sit and stare at my Christmas tree for hours, but there never seems to even be one hour when I can enjoy the light show. I don't seem to have the time to watch the play of the lights on the ornaments and on the icicles. I'm too worried about the ones that have fallen, or a package that needs wrapping, or one that needs to be rearrange. I never seem to have the time to think long and lovingly of all the good times I spent with the folks I correspond with at Christmastime. I remember them briefly with a sigh that our friendship has come down to an annual exchange of cards with short notes. It doesn't mean I treasure them less, it only means that time has gotten compressed into those few days of holiday time. Occasionally, I get to reconnect with a long time friend to make new memories to treasure. But, those times are fewer and farther between as our families grow and our time gets shorter. I love prettily wrapped gift packages, too, but gift bags have become so much easier, haven't they? They don't stack worth a darn under the tree though, do they? They're hard to arrange under the branches, and the handles make them difficult to maneuver. Entertaining takes 8 hours to arrange, 4 hours of visiting, half of which one is tending to cooking or other duties, and 4 hours of clean up. Is it worth it, absolutely, but it makes the actual gathering seem all the more rushed and compressed. Where did those leisurely meetings with friends we had when we were kids go? Where did the afternoons at play, the slumberparties, the hours at the movies, and then dinner and maybe then hanging-out afterwards fade into the netherworld of meetings and must-dos? I don't know. I want it all back - all that time I used to have. I want those times with friends back, in more than treasured memories. I want to dawddle in front of my tree with a good book and my feet warming by the fireplace. I want to eagerly await Santa, and I want to tear into my gifts with the abandon of a child again. I want time back. I want it back for all of us. I want it packaged for convenience so there is more time for remembering, for seeing, for doing, and most important, for being together with those we most care about - our families, our friends, and ourselves at leisure. So, to all you inventors out there - come up with a holiday package of time, please. I'll be first in line to buy.