Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Things that I love

This is could be a long list, but I'll keep it reasonable.:
1. Angela, especially since she transitioned
2. Our daughter, what a delight she has always been; yes, even as a teen
3. Our granddaughter, what joy she has brought to our lives as we rediscover the world through her little eyes
4. Our extended family, what a blessing they are for who they are, and for their unquestioning support of unusual life - We are blessed
5. Friends that are true in every way; what an honor to know them all
6. All dogs - our own especially. They bring us comfort and love 24/7/365
7. Trees dancing in the breeze
8. Making new friends
9. Weather - good and bad, it's amazing, isn't it?
10. Good food, particularly those meals that are shared with those we love.
11. Laughing - out loud more than that hidden chuckle. It's always best when shared.
12. Seeing growth - the kind when one's ideas are stretched to include things never thought of before
13. Trying new things - especially things that are challenging to us
14. Seeing new sights
15. Seeing success happen to our family, friends, acquaintances, and ourselves
16. Hearing music in all its many forms
17. Listening to a contented sigh of happiness.
18. Seeing love reflected back from another's eyes
19. Watching my garden grow
20. Watching life happen all around us

Monday, May 26, 2008

Being Together

This long weekend (Fri-Mon) we spent a lovely time with the Rainbow RV group in Bodega Bay. There were 30+ RV units with the club signed in when we began. Our first official meeting was a potluck hors d'ouvres gathering. Trust me when I say it was way more than simple hors d'ouvres. Not a soul left hungry, I can tell you that for a fact! There are obviously CHEFS in this group, as well as the run-of-the-mill homemade treat makers, and a few who bring store bought munchies. All in all, it was a terrific meet and greet; we met many new folks, reconnected with a few couples that had been at the first gathering we attended in Gold Country, and we formed some nice friendships that began at this gathering. The second day was a tour-around on your own day, but the evening's potluck dinner added pounds to every one's waistline! What treats there were. This gathering showed just how important being together can be. There were several birthday celebrities, but more important were those celebrating anniversaries - 37 years, 23 years, 19 years, 32 years, 27 years, 18 years - and so it went. The numbers, with two exceptions were always two digits. The two exceptions were one man who had recently lost his partner of nearly 30 years, and one new relationship of only a few months. Again I was struck by the fact that virtually all of these GLBT+ folks are in very long term relationships. They believe in being together, and they deserve the right to be married. They deserve the same rights as everyone else that is committed to their relationship. Yes, Angela and I are married - 42 years come July - but we are unique in the GLBT+ community because we married as man and wife, and that cannot be undone. I am absolutely dumb founded that anyone thinks that because two men sleep & have sex together, or because two women sleep and have sex together is any one's business. What other group is repressed because of what they do in private. I don't know what my best friends to in bed with their spouses, and they don't know what my spouse and I do. So, why would anyone care what GLBT+ folks do in bed with their loved ones, and why do they think thy have a right to judge that? As we've seen in the news, many of the most vocal leaders of the religious right, who say they are against all the things they say are sinful, continue to get caught doing exactly those things they preach against! Guess what, most of the things they do are certainly much worse than being in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex! The point is, gays are asking to be allowed to make their long-term, commitments to another person legal and equal in the rights of the law. I can't see how anyone can see 2 peaople being in a committed relationship as a bad thing! You'd think the religious right would be all for gay marriage, but they aren't. Good heavens, one can find almost anything in the bible, and use it to as a hammer on someone else. I'm sure there's a verse about looking after the log in one's own eye before going after another person, but that doesn't count of course. In fact, very few foks on the far right follow what is in theBible to the letter. If they did they'd all still be living the same way folks lived in the first century after Christ was born, sacrificing animals and a whole raft of other things! It's time to allow progress, particularly in the human rights department. Let's get a focus on the child abusers of the world rather than on folks that want a committed relationship! We continue to allow child abusers access to the very children they abuse! That's nuts, plain and simple. Loving another person enough to want to marry them is a good thing, folks. Okay, I'll get off my podium, with one request: think how important it is to love being together enough to want to make that love legal! Then let everyone have that right and quit worrying about what someone else does in the privacy of their own home when they are loving another person (not abusing them). Turn the energy being expended against gay marriage into energy towards protecting the children of this land from their abusers who are most often their own relatives!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

University of California at Hayward

What a delightful time we had at UC Hayward yesterday. The drive from Fresno to Hayward was beautiful, but windy. We had only one hitch - an accident in Merced closed the freeway for an hour. We used to live in Merced, so we knew a quick side route and managed to only be delayed 1/2 and hour. Good thing we always leave a tad of slack in our drive time hmmm?! So, we arrived at our appointed hour and met Prof. Maria Nieto in her office. We quickly headed for her lecture/classroom after a bit of paperwork and a short chat. Nearly 100 students filled the room to overflow when we began our talk. We always try to engage the students with a bit of fun, banter between us, and them, and questions. This class was most responsive and asked good questions and answered ours quickly, willingly and frankly. We always have a good time when we speak, and having a class like this one makes it even more fun. Obviously, we hope we keep their attention, address issues and impart knowledge and understanding. We find that if folks have some experience with someone in the GLBT+ community, they are less fearful of all of us. Believe it or not, that's usually all it takes to turn us into real people instead of those fearful unknown, otherwise scary folks. We hope, of course, that our stable, long term (nearly 42 years!) marriage proves that we in the community do, in fact, have long-term relationships/marriages. In fact, we are going to a rainbow RV gathering this weekend. When they have a dinner, they celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other special events in their members' lives. Without fail, there are always MANY with long-term relationships. Several of our friends also have children, some because they were born to one of the partner/spouses, and others that have been adopted. All of these children are thriving, normal, and healthy children. You might gather that I'm in favor of allowing gays to marry. You're right. That brings us the question: are we gay. I'll leave that answer to you; you see, we married straight; we're still married to the same person. We certainly appear to now be a lesbian couple, but we don't quite fit that mold do we? This might be a good time to think about labels and how they often don't quite fit individuals, even though they may be okay when speaking in group terms. Alright, I'll get off my podium.

Thank you, Prof Nieto and everyone in your class, for a delightful time. Ask us back! Tell your friends and other teachers. We love to speak at forums and classes. Let us hear from you! See, being married to a T gives me (and Angela) an opportunity to meet new folks each time we speak. So, that's another Best Thing about Being Married to a T!

Monday, May 19, 2008


Outlook is all about how we perceive the world. I suppose one would say that I am optimistic. I like that, and if I weren't that by nature, I think I'd do everything I could to become that. Why? Life doesn't always hand us a silver spoon. Over the years, I've been moved about by first my father's AF career, and then my husbands. I was never in a place for more than 4.5 years, and many times, we were at our assigned base for less than that. That sort of thing makes making and loosing a constant. It's hard on kids in some ways, but it makes a stronger person. Coming into a new classroom that is half way through a school year is tough for the first month or so, but friendships do develop over time. The trick is to keep them - even after you've moved away. It's not always easy being away from one's family either, but friends can fill that void. Some bases were in places others might not have found "wonderful." Yet, I always found a way to love the place we were stationed. South Dakota has beautiful summers, and the Black Hills are a joy, for instance. I also see digging out of a front door that under 6' feet of snow a challenge - but - one can revel in the accomplishment once it's done! So, my point is: don't get nonplussed about everything - or even the big things - like having your husband become a woman. Life goes one, and somehow, most folks survive. So, here's a poem I carry around and would like to share. It's an Ancient Sanskrit:

Look to this day
for it is life.
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
the realities and truths of existence,
the joy of growth,
the splendor of action,
and the glory of power.
For yesterday is but a memory.
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived
makes every yesterday a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Here's to the Woman

This is an annonymous poem that discribes many outstanding women I know and have known.
Four stand out - my mother, Vivian Scruggs, two dear friends Paula Alexander and Barbara Parnell, and a departed friend, Glenys Hendricks:

Here's to the Woman
who knows where she's going
and will keep on until she gets there;
who knows not only what she wants from life
but what she has to offer in return

Here's to the woman
who is loyal to family and friends,
who expects no more from others
than she is willing to give;
the woman who is confident in her beliefs
and yet is willing to listen
to what others have to say.

Here's to the woman
who guides and inspires
not by quoting others philosophies
but by living her own good example;
who accepts both victories and disappointments
with the same grace;
and who can rise above life's challenges and move on.

Here's to the woman
who gives the gifts of her thoughtfulness,
who shows her caring with a word of support,
her understanding with a smile;
a woman who brings joy to others
just by being herself.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


It is so great to have help in the mornings. I don't mean the little stuff everyone does like pouring the other person a cup of coffee or tea. I mean the big stuff, like letting me sleep in every morning until 8. You see, Angela's a morning person, and I am NOT! The caps are justified, trust me on that. Left to my own desires, I'd likely be up til 2 a.m. and rise closer to 10, but reality does step in. I stay up til near midnight, read or write for an hour, and then go to bed. So, I generally get just under 8 hours of sleep. It fits my natural circadian rhythm. and that makes me a happier person in the morning. The baby usually arrives between 7:30 and 8 on the days we babysit (Tues, Wed and Friday). So, Angela keeps her occupied while I have my breakfast and time with the puppies. Breakfast also includes reading the paper, so it takes about 45 minutes to an hour. Because she gets up between 6:30 and 7, she accomplishes the same thing before the baby arrives. Anyway, there's nothing in the "rule book" that says she has to give up 45 minutes of her morning because I get up later than she does. She just does it because she's a great gal! There are lots of other things she does too, but some mornings, sleeping in til 8, and having the time to read the paper in peace mean more than I can say. It gives me time to really wake up, so that I can be a better grammie, and get more things done throughout the day. So, in short, here's another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual. She loves all the morning time with the baby! Angela, as David, would have already been knee deep into a project, and not even in the area to help. Yes, he was a great father, but the gift of giving me the mornings to myself was not one of the things he did. So, I really appreciate Angela, and her motherly instincts all the more now.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Gramma Angela

Angela is on duty today. She's on duty often, actually, but more often than not in spits and spurts as I take a break to do various other duties. You could say the same for me, as when she has a "must do," I step in. However, I am primary grandmommie by default, I guess. When she's too fussy, it's me she reaches for. When she just wants to be held, it's me she heads for. I'm happy with that. I do love the fact that it was Angela who volunteered us as primary sitters, because she so wanted to be a grandmother. I love the fact that she willingly steps in so often. I have more outside activities than Angela, and she is on duty alone far more often than I am. Even if I'm the only one in the house, Angela is within reach - in the shop or working in the yard. I can step outside, or give her a call on the cell, and she's inside in a heartbeat. I doubt there are many folks out there that can say as much for their spouse! So, you're right, this is another Best Thing About Married to a T!