Kisses in the hall

Love is all about kisses in the hall, when you pass one another, or just when you happen to be close. Love is saying I Love You more than once a year, it's saying it every day, at unexpected times, and when it's least expected. Love is all those little "love" touches also in the hall, when you pass one another, or just when you happen to be close. It's also holding hands in the yard, in the house sometimes, and out sometimes. We are fortunate to be in California where two women, or men, holding hands, or touching one another in appropriate manner, is accepted. I have never been one to suggest necking in public, or deep kissing, or certainly not going futher, but hand holding is always okay. Anyway, think about how many times you tell the person you've committed your life to, then count the times you show it, say it, or act on your love besides actual love making. It's those little kisses and touches in the hall that make all the difference. They remind each other how much you really care. What a difference it made to us when Angela no longer had to hide who she was. David certainly used to touch, kiss, and hold hands, but it always felt more obligatory than desired. After she started cross dressing it was the most natural thing in the world. Now it's every day, and what a blessing it is. Yeah, this is one of those Best Things about being married to a T again!

Comments Please

Hey guys n gals n all else in between! I'd like to hear from you. Those of you who have left comments already, THANKS! If you leave a comment and want a response that isn't published on your blog, leave me your email address so I can contact you outside of your blog. I'm enjoying many of your blogs as well. I think that more couples will stay together as time goes on, don't you?

Sometimes our own fears about being perceived as a homosexual couple create problems for us. We don't "exactly" fit the "typical" gay couple mode since to just say, "We're a lesbian couple now" doesn't quite work, does it? You see, that sort of negates more than half of our married life. That's why I kiddingly say, I'm a "straight lesbian," or "We certainly appear to be lesbians now, but we don't quite fit the typical mold." Of course, both of those responses lead to more questions and answers. The whole idea is to make people think about labels. Labels work for a large group "in general." But when one gets down to specifics, about one or two individuals, those labels don't fit, do they? So, yes, we DO appear to be a lesbian couple, and we don't care if that's what folks think, but we find it much better to reveal that Angela is a T and that we've been married for more than 42 years! We can also joke about having it both ways. Trust me when I say, THIS way is the best!

Say "Thanks!"

Please say Thanks to all the folks that support all the things you like to do. "Huh?" you may say. I'm talking about advertisers and sponsors of events you like to go to, newsletters you get, even newspapers. You know what, many of the events we all love to attend wouldn't happen if sponsors and advertisers didn't pay all the upfront costs just to have a chance to have a small booth, a banner, or an ad in a newsletter. I'm on a board, again, yeah, even after saying "never again" a half dozen times. Believe me, if we didn't have advertisers and sponsors, a lot of things we do wouldn't happen. We have to pay to have our newsletter [printed: it's the advertisers that defray the cost. When we rent a space for a big event, it's our sponsors that make it happen. Yes, we put in the time and effort, but the bills have to be paid up-front. What they get in return is a booth, or their banner displayed. So, it's important that member let them know they saw an advertiser's ad, or stopped by their booth, or noticed their banner. It's helpful if our members frequent our advertisers and sponsors, because there are plenty of other organizations out there asking for their dollars to suppor their events. I worked in advertising for more than thirty years, and trust me when I say, if an advertiser doesn't hear, or see, that their money is well spent, they'll give it to a different newsletter, event, or group. So, say "Thanks for supporting our event, our cause, our newsletter," when you go into a store. It's especially important for those of us in GLBT+ organizations, because not everyone loves us, as you know. So, please say "Thanks!"

Ah, Paradise

It's ten a.m. and I'm sitting here at the computer, still in my jammies catching up on email and waiting for Brooke to wake from her morning nap. I've got a cup of tea nearby, and Angela is out doing all the shopping - you know: groceries, drug store, bank, pet food place, home depot, and anywhere else that has all the necessities. I'm so glad she likes to shop, 'cuz I do not! Oh, I'm okay with our monthly trip to the base for commissary and base exchange services, but all that other searching out all the needful things is just not my idea of fun. I'd much rather be with friends, working in the garden or yard, or playing with the granddaughter. Angela's love of the shopping aspect is just another Best Things About Being Married to a T! Don't you wish you had a shopper spouse?

Transition isn't easy for everyone..

There are lots of ways to transition. It's harder for those who have family that aren't understanding, and that is the case for about 90+% of the Ts we know. But then - we did things a little differently than most. First off, we went slowly; we followed the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. We had a good councilor who was a GLBT+ specialist. She helped with understanding everything that was going on, and took the lead with the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. Secondly, we brought the family along gently with no big arguments. Instead, we told them what was going on, let them ask questions, provided back up material and were very understanding of their discomfort. We had to be prepared to accept the fact that not everyone was going to agree with what was going on, and that we might lose that friend or family member. That didn't mean we would stop loving them, but if they chose to disassociate themselves from us, well, that was their choice. We were fortunate in that our families stayed with us (save one of Angela's sisters, and a sister-in-law). We don't see them; their choice. We sought out support organizations, and we formed our own. We started with nationally known organizations, and they were a big help. PFLAG, Society for the Second Self (Tri-S), and Transgender groups. We did our research before we went to family. We watched and taped documentaries when they were on TV. We read everything we could find about transitions. We got good doctors to prescribe Angela's hormones, we went to a nationally known T surgeon for Angela's SRS, we checked and double checked everything. We found that for most of the Ts that had a hard time things got easier for most of them when they got involved with support groups, started following the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, and when they slowed down and quit trying to insist everyone join their cause immediately.

Comfortable days

I really enjoying being comfortable in my life, our life, and the life. My life is pretty serene these days, and Angela is the primary reason for that. We enjoy so many things together these days, that are just day to day things. I'm talking about fixing meals, working in the yard, going shopping. We can laugh about how she lost some strength in her transition, so now I need to help her lift heavy objects. You should see us wrestling a huge piece of wood in Home Depot. Sometimes when were are doing our monthly grocery shopping we take different areas of the store. Invariably, though, we end up on the phone consulting and laughing about something the other should "come over here and see." Working in the yard is consultations, then do the work, the consult, then work. Since the weather is really hot, neither of us are anything to write home about, even in our wet t-shirts. Yeah, I usually soak my tilly hat and my t-shirt to keep cool. Angela is less inclined to do that. We both manage to get pretty dirty through a full day of working in the yard. She usually does all the trim work while I do the mowing. When she does all the mowing and trim, I do the wedding and planting/transplanting. I do the vegetable garden, but she helps with the clean up. We both are involved when it's tree and hedge trimming time. She still is the wielder of the chain saw, while I handle the raking. We can fill up our big old dumpster with a mornings worth of work easily. The nice thing about it though is we actually have fun doing all of it - together. Together is lots better than doing everything apart, don't you think. Yeah, that makes this another one of those Best Things About Being Married to a T again!

I'm in love

I'm in love - with the person who first set my heart ablaze - as a song by Cole Porter says (from the play Out Of This World). I'm in love with Angela, and that makes me very happy. I'm in love with a lot of things, actually: our daughter and granddaughter, our doggies, lots of friends, our home, and all that other stuff, but mostly I'm in love with Angela. What a change that is from thinking about divorcing David. That was years ago, of course, but it was a consideration. We just weren't getting along. We were still in love, we still had good sex, we still liked all the same things, but our day to day living had lost the sparkle. We fought often, and just didn't see eye to eye about how our lives were going. Angela's transition changed all that. Part of it was hormonal changes that altered her way of seeing the world. Most of it though was just letting her be who she needed to be. As soon as she was at peace with herself - her body in line with what her mind knew she really was - life was good - for both of us. I'm in love with her mind, body and soul. Being at a wedding this weekend left me reflecting on 42 years of marriage. The first part was good, after Audra was born it was even better, and then things started falling apart. Angela was so withdrawn and unhappy that it spilled over into everything. We disappeared in that morass. That was a shame because we really loved each other. The depression and stress he carried filled up the space love used to occupy. Things got better when he found out it was okay with me if he wanted to dress up; things improved even more dramatically when he began the Harry Benjamin standards of care, got onto hormones, got counciling and started moving toward sex reassignment surgery. When s/he began his real life test life got good again, for both of us. Now all that transition is over, and Angela is just Angela, and I love her to death! She is just so delightful. It's great to be in love! Yeah, being in love is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!