University of California at Hayward

What a delightful time we had at UC Hayward yesterday. The drive from Fresno to Hayward was beautiful, but windy. We had only one hitch - an accident in Merced closed the freeway for an hour. We used to live in Merced, so we knew a quick side route and managed to only be delayed 1/2 and hour. Good thing we always leave a tad of slack in our drive time hmmm?! So, we arrived at our appointed hour and met Prof. Maria Nieto in her office. We quickly headed for her lecture/classroom after a bit of paperwork and a short chat. Nearly 100 students filled the room to overflow when we began our talk. We always try to engage the students with a bit of fun, banter between us, and them, and questions. This class was most responsive and asked good questions and answered ours quickly, willingly and frankly. We always have a good time when we speak, and having a class like this one makes it even more fun. Obviously, we hope we keep their attention, address issues and impart knowledge and understanding. We find that if folks have some experience with someone in the GLBT+ community, they are less fearful of all of us. Believe it or not, that's usually all it takes to turn us into real people instead of those fearful unknown, otherwise scary folks. We hope, of course, that our stable, long term (nearly 42 years!) marriage proves that we in the community do, in fact, have long-term relationships/marriages. In fact, we are going to a rainbow RV gathering this weekend. When they have a dinner, they celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other special events in their members' lives. Without fail, there are always MANY with long-term relationships. Several of our friends also have children, some because they were born to one of the partner/spouses, and others that have been adopted. All of these children are thriving, normal, and healthy children. You might gather that I'm in favor of allowing gays to marry. You're right. That brings us the question: are we gay. I'll leave that answer to you; you see, we married straight; we're still married to the same person. We certainly appear to now be a lesbian couple, but we don't quite fit that mold do we? This might be a good time to think about labels and how they often don't quite fit individuals, even though they may be okay when speaking in group terms. Alright, I'll get off my podium.

Thank you, Prof Nieto and everyone in your class, for a delightful time. Ask us back! Tell your friends and other teachers. We love to speak at forums and classes. Let us hear from you! See, being married to a T gives me (and Angela) an opportunity to meet new folks each time we speak. So, that's another Best Thing about Being Married to a T!

Outlook

Outlook is all about how we perceive the world. I suppose one would say that I am optimistic. I like that, and if I weren't that by nature, I think I'd do everything I could to become that. Why? Life doesn't always hand us a silver spoon. Over the years, I've been moved about by first my father's AF career, and then my husbands. I was never in a place for more than 4.5 years, and many times, we were at our assigned base for less than that. That sort of thing makes making and loosing a constant. It's hard on kids in some ways, but it makes a stronger person. Coming into a new classroom that is half way through a school year is tough for the first month or so, but friendships do develop over time. The trick is to keep them - even after you've moved away. It's not always easy being away from one's family either, but friends can fill that void. Some bases were in places others might not have found "wonderful." Yet, I always found a way to love the place we were stationed. South Dakota has beautiful summers, and the Black Hills are a joy, for instance. I also see digging out of a front door that under 6' feet of snow a challenge - but - one can revel in the accomplishment once it's done! So, my point is: don't get nonplussed about everything - or even the big things - like having your husband become a woman. Life goes one, and somehow, most folks survive. So, here's a poem I carry around and would like to share. It's an Ancient Sanskrit:

Look to this day
for it is life.
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
the realities and truths of existence,
the joy of growth,
the splendor of action,
and the glory of power.
For yesterday is but a memory.
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived
makes every yesterday a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!

Here's to the Woman

This is an annonymous poem that discribes many outstanding women I know and have known.
Four stand out - my mother, Vivian Scruggs, two dear friends Paula Alexander and Barbara Parnell, and a departed friend, Glenys Hendricks:

Here's to the Woman
who knows where she's going
and will keep on until she gets there;
who knows not only what she wants from life
but what she has to offer in return

Here's to the woman
who is loyal to family and friends,
who expects no more from others
than she is willing to give;
the woman who is confident in her beliefs
and yet is willing to listen
to what others have to say.

Here's to the woman
who guides and inspires
not by quoting others philosophies
but by living her own good example;
who accepts both victories and disappointments
with the same grace;
and who can rise above life's challenges and move on.

Here's to the woman
who gives the gifts of her thoughtfulness,
who shows her caring with a word of support,
her understanding with a smile;
a woman who brings joy to others
just by being herself.

Help!

It is so great to have help in the mornings. I don't mean the little stuff everyone does like pouring the other person a cup of coffee or tea. I mean the big stuff, like letting me sleep in every morning until 8. You see, Angela's a morning person, and I am NOT! The caps are justified, trust me on that. Left to my own desires, I'd likely be up til 2 a.m. and rise closer to 10, but reality does step in. I stay up til near midnight, read or write for an hour, and then go to bed. So, I generally get just under 8 hours of sleep. It fits my natural circadian rhythm. and that makes me a happier person in the morning. The baby usually arrives between 7:30 and 8 on the days we babysit (Tues, Wed and Friday). So, Angela keeps her occupied while I have my breakfast and time with the puppies. Breakfast also includes reading the paper, so it takes about 45 minutes to an hour. Because she gets up between 6:30 and 7, she accomplishes the same thing before the baby arrives. Anyway, there's nothing in the "rule book" that says she has to give up 45 minutes of her morning because I get up later than she does. She just does it because she's a great gal! There are lots of other things she does too, but some mornings, sleeping in til 8, and having the time to read the paper in peace mean more than I can say. It gives me time to really wake up, so that I can be a better grammie, and get more things done throughout the day. So, in short, here's another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual. She loves all the morning time with the baby! Angela, as David, would have already been knee deep into a project, and not even in the area to help. Yes, he was a great father, but the gift of giving me the mornings to myself was not one of the things he did. So, I really appreciate Angela, and her motherly instincts all the more now.

Gramma Angela

Angela is on duty today. She's on duty often, actually, but more often than not in spits and spurts as I take a break to do various other duties. You could say the same for me, as when she has a "must do," I step in. However, I am primary grandmommie by default, I guess. When she's too fussy, it's me she reaches for. When she just wants to be held, it's me she heads for. I'm happy with that. I do love the fact that it was Angela who volunteered us as primary sitters, because she so wanted to be a grandmother. I love the fact that she willingly steps in so often. I have more outside activities than Angela, and she is on duty alone far more often than I am. Even if I'm the only one in the house, Angela is within reach - in the shop or working in the yard. I can step outside, or give her a call on the cell, and she's inside in a heartbeat. I doubt there are many folks out there that can say as much for their spouse! So, you're right, this is another Best Thing About Married to a T!

A Tree

"A tree jumped out in front of me and ate our RV mirror!"You might think I'm kidding, but that is what Angela said while I surveyed the damage - and the mirror on the ground. Now, if that had been David, the quote would NOT have been printable. Neither would anything about our extended weekend in Kings City, nor any outings attached to it. So, what's another Best Thing About Married to a Transsexual - attitude. Accidents happen. They are unplanned, and in most cases unavoidable. There is just no way to horse around a 39' motor home and not occasionally whack a tree branch. Angela does an OUTSTANDING job of driving, backing, parking, and otherwise maneuvering the RV in all variety of tight spots. It's always a blessing when the roads are good, the parks have good pull-through parking with all the branches cut to accommodate our RV, and there aren't lots of stuff for the dogs to pick up in their fur. However, more often than not: there are bad roads on our routes; there are no pull-throughs at RV parks; and the parking spaces that one gets are not always great for our sized rig, even though they are advertised as being "just right." So, a mirror got whacked this weekend. It'll cost a small fortune to get it replaced, no doubt, but we had a GREAT weekend! We made a passel of new friends, we had a couple of wonderful meals, we saw a good museum, and we just had a good time. I can absolutely guarantee that had the mirror - thing happened with David driving and not Angela, "he" would have pissed and moaned all weekend. He'd have been miserable with self blame, and I'd have been miserable listening to it all weekend. Not only that, but he'd probably have been a hermit the whole weekend. Not so Angela! She took it as an accident, put the mirror in the bin to deal with when we got home, and spent the rest of the weekend (Thurs-Sun) having a good time.

I can easily recommend Monterey County Agricultural and Rural Life Museum and the San Lorenzo Regional Park as a good place to go. It's a lovely park, a good museum, and it has good sites for campers and RVers (but watch out for low hanging branches in some of the pull-throughs). The park is well maintained and there is plenty to do. The museum is interesting. They also have fully restored a home, a 1-room school house, a train depot, a blacksmith shop and loads of farm equipment from the 1880s forward. They also have a museum on irrigation.

Leaving and Returning: they are the best

I don't know about you, but for me, the best parts of most trips are leaving and returning.

Leaving is always filled with the anticipation of what the trip will end up being about. I also enjoy the hustle and bustle of getting packed up and ready almost as much. I even enjoy getting up a bit early on departure morning (trust me when I say that I usually hate early morning awakenings). There have been few occasions when my anticipation has not been well founded. I've found, on looking back, that even those trips that had problems, or sadness, involved proved to be good trips. Of course we always plan our trips well, make reservations early whether we're flying, driving or RVing. We generally know the itinerary planned at our destination(s), but we reserve the right to lay-over a day (or two), to take a side trip, to make a friend, to help another with a problem, or to just take a day off from planned activities. Let me use a recent trip with friends to Pacific Grove as an example. Who would have thought we'd have had an "Elvis sighting!" There we were, in our cabin by the sea, relaxing between activities, when Nancy said, "I think I just saw Elvis go by." Of course we all gave her the ole "raised eyebrow" look, and then rushed out to see for ourselves. Sure enough, there was an Elvis impersonator returning to his bungalow from a performance. He was all decked out in his white get up. We actually thought it might be an impersonator we all knew, but it turned out to be someone completely different. No, none of us are what one would call Elvis fans, but who could resist an encounter like that?! There will always be good memories attached to that trip - the expected, and the unexpected parts

Then there was the return. Ah what a relief to be back home, unpacked, and relaxed, petting my puppies and telling Angela of our adventures.

Now Angela and I are off on a long weekend RVing with a new group we've never met. We've got an agenda, but who knows what all will happen? I do know we'll leave with lots of anticipation, and we'll be happy to be home when we return.