More things to think about re a spouse's transition

Breasts: they're there, and they weren't there before, at least not the sort that poked out. So, one must deal with one's feelings about them. Additionally, you can almost bet that most men who are becoming women are going to want more than the hormones alone give them. Give up trying to convince them that they will be sorry later as they get heavier and don't stand up quite so well. That will NOT work. First off, it won't work because, face it, they are Men who are becoming Women, and most Men have at least some pluses in their minds about breasts. Just think of the fun you'll have making jokes about mountains out of molehills, girls(!) i.e. spouses, girlfriends and otherwise female acquaintances. Make peace with the fact they are going to be there, they are going to grow larger, and after surgery, if it's in the budget, chances are they are going to be at least one size larger than before surgery. Accept it as a given and as a fact.

They are going to go on meds that will make their genitals shrink. After surgery, there will be no testosterone, and if so their sex drive may also decline. I don't mean that their sex drive will go away, I mean it will not be a primary in their mind any more. Everything, literally, will be primary. There will be so many new things for them to experience that sex will fall down the list of priorities. This is the time you need to be making adjustments. We'll talk about that tomorrow.

Things to think about re a spouse's transition

When your spouse transitions, things will change. They'll change gradually, for the most part, but some things will be quite different almost immediately. One day I told Angela that she was changing daily, and that that meant I was dealing with a different (although improved[!]) person every day. The first thing I noticed was that within three days of her beginning hormones she was noticeably happier. Her whole outlook brightened. Perhaps it was only the beginning of an adventure high most of us experience, but I am certain the hormones played a part in that. I also noticed the slightest nuance of a change in the way her kiss tasted. Soon her breasts were sensitive to the touch - very much like a pre-teen who's breast buds are beginning. Anything that touched her nipples sent a ripple of sensation through her. It was fun and disconcerting, a topic for conversation - funny and serious, and an experiment for both of us. Why do I say that? Because I had always slept with my head on his chest, and that was now uncomfortable for her. We had to adjust. Then, of course, the breasts began to grow. I will admit this was more difficult for me. I just hadn't worked out how I was going to deal with actual breasts.
More tomorrow:

The purple dog

Okay, it's Gay Pride week, so to celebrate our eldest dog, Kathryn the Great, decided to roll in the fallen mulberries! She looked like a purple tie-dyed dog! Of course, when she did that, we were still up to behinds in plumbing problems and did notice. When I did discover her shenanigans, the purple color had dried and was well soaked into her hair. (Bichons don't shed because they have hair instead of fur.) Anyway, I cut most of her stained hair off, gave her a long bath, and then did a good grooming - I.E. I evened-out her clipped hair. She still looks like a Bichon, but a closely clipped one, that's for sure. Perhaps I should have left her purple for the Gay Pride parade. All three doggies walked the route with me. Of course, the baby, Cassandra stole the show. Many people came out to give them a pat our two as we walked the parade, especially when I stopped to give them water. I'm sure Kathryn would have been the hit of the show if she'd still have been purple!

How lucky I am

When a man transitions it does change his brain somewhat - he becomes softer in thought, more emotional, and more joyous - but any knowledge that was there is retained. Thank goodness for all of the above. I am fortunate in so many ways, and one of those things I'm fortunate about is that Angela is capable of fixing nearly anything that breaks. Just this last week she's fixed two sprinklers and a major plumbing problem! The plumbing problem involved the water main from our well to our house. It was quite a project. Yes, I helped by holding this and that, handing her tools, and generally adding an encouraging word when something seemed difficult. She did all the real work though, and without her knowledge and expertise, we'd have paid a small fortune to a plumber! So, if you are looking for Best Things About Being Married to a Transsexual, THIS is one of them! She's also helping a friend with his computer (she's a Novell engineer), is designing a bookcase for another friend, and she helped our daughter and son-in-law lay gravel and bark in a nice design in a mid-sized flower area near their front door! She's creative, inventive and very good at fixing almost anything!

Watch "For The Bible Tells Me So" on Sundance Channel

Everyone should see this show whether you take the Bible literally or otherwise. It will change your life.

Things that I love

This is could be a long list, but I'll keep it reasonable.:
1. Angela, especially since she transitioned
2. Our daughter, what a delight she has always been; yes, even as a teen
3. Our granddaughter, what joy she has brought to our lives as we rediscover the world through her little eyes
4. Our extended family, what a blessing they are for who they are, and for their unquestioning support of unusual life - We are blessed
5. Friends that are true in every way; what an honor to know them all
6. All dogs - our own especially. They bring us comfort and love 24/7/365
7. Trees dancing in the breeze
8. Making new friends
9. Weather - good and bad, it's amazing, isn't it?
10. Good food, particularly those meals that are shared with those we love.
11. Laughing - out loud more than that hidden chuckle. It's always best when shared.
12. Seeing growth - the kind when one's ideas are stretched to include things never thought of before
13. Trying new things - especially things that are challenging to us
14. Seeing new sights
15. Seeing success happen to our family, friends, acquaintances, and ourselves
16. Hearing music in all its many forms
17. Listening to a contented sigh of happiness.
18. Seeing love reflected back from another's eyes
19. Watching my garden grow
20. Watching life happen all around us

Being Together

This long weekend (Fri-Mon) we spent a lovely time with the Rainbow RV group in Bodega Bay. There were 30+ RV units with the club signed in when we began. Our first official meeting was a potluck hors d'ouvres gathering. Trust me when I say it was way more than simple hors d'ouvres. Not a soul left hungry, I can tell you that for a fact! There are obviously CHEFS in this group, as well as the run-of-the-mill homemade treat makers, and a few who bring store bought munchies. All in all, it was a terrific meet and greet; we met many new folks, reconnected with a few couples that had been at the first gathering we attended in Gold Country, and we formed some nice friendships that began at this gathering. The second day was a tour-around on your own day, but the evening's potluck dinner added pounds to every one's waistline! What treats there were. This gathering showed just how important being together can be. There were several birthday celebrities, but more important were those celebrating anniversaries - 37 years, 23 years, 19 years, 32 years, 27 years, 18 years - and so it went. The numbers, with two exceptions were always two digits. The two exceptions were one man who had recently lost his partner of nearly 30 years, and one new relationship of only a few months. Again I was struck by the fact that virtually all of these GLBT+ folks are in very long term relationships. They believe in being together, and they deserve the right to be married. They deserve the same rights as everyone else that is committed to their relationship. Yes, Angela and I are married - 42 years come July - but we are unique in the GLBT+ community because we married as man and wife, and that cannot be undone. I am absolutely dumb founded that anyone thinks that because two men sleep & have sex together, or because two women sleep and have sex together is any one's business. What other group is repressed because of what they do in private. I don't know what my best friends to in bed with their spouses, and they don't know what my spouse and I do. So, why would anyone care what GLBT+ folks do in bed with their loved ones, and why do they think thy have a right to judge that? As we've seen in the news, many of the most vocal leaders of the religious right, who say they are against all the things they say are sinful, continue to get caught doing exactly those things they preach against! Guess what, most of the things they do are certainly much worse than being in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex! The point is, gays are asking to be allowed to make their long-term, commitments to another person legal and equal in the rights of the law. I can't see how anyone can see 2 peaople being in a committed relationship as a bad thing! You'd think the religious right would be all for gay marriage, but they aren't. Good heavens, one can find almost anything in the bible, and use it to as a hammer on someone else. I'm sure there's a verse about looking after the log in one's own eye before going after another person, but that doesn't count of course. In fact, very few foks on the far right follow what is in theBible to the letter. If they did they'd all still be living the same way folks lived in the first century after Christ was born, sacrificing animals and a whole raft of other things! It's time to allow progress, particularly in the human rights department. Let's get a focus on the child abusers of the world rather than on folks that want a committed relationship! We continue to allow child abusers access to the very children they abuse! That's nuts, plain and simple. Loving another person enough to want to marry them is a good thing, folks. Okay, I'll get off my podium, with one request: think how important it is to love being together enough to want to make that love legal! Then let everyone have that right and quit worrying about what someone else does in the privacy of their own home when they are loving another person (not abusing them). Turn the energy being expended against gay marriage into energy towards protecting the children of this land from their abusers who are most often their own relatives!