TransMarried: Transgender Couple, married and happy about it

It was only a curve

2011-10-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

RVing has its moments. First of all there is the beauty of the USA and the companionship of other RVers, both of which makes any problems seem small. Of course there is the cost of gas and repairs, but that pales with the advantages of taking your grandkids and doggies along for the trip, having your own kitchen, and a comfy bed without the fear of bedbugs. However, we have a large coach, and there are just some roads that leave a lot to be desired. One could say the same for many highways, of course. When one is driving an RV, there is decidedly a Rattle-Bang senerio that makes one wonder if the whole thing is just going to come apart in the middle of the roadway. No manner of packing can make all the noises go away when traveling many of our by-ways. This particular outting required that we drive through a short area of mountainous roadway. We knew it would be full of turns, but we have easily maneuvered those in the past, and had no worries. However, Angela had recently had rotorcuff surgery, and her arm was still healing. Up the hills we went, managing each switchback without pain or difficulty for her, the coach, or the car we were towing. And then came THE CURVE. It wasn't just a sharp curve, it was a downright scary curve. This little devil had no curbing or rail, and the stinker had a dropoff that would give anyone with a fear of heights the willies. Angela motored into it slowly, using all the caution she could. She cranked the wheel and was careful to stay in her own lane, even though she had to maneuver as close to the line as possible, to give our tow vehicle the room required to follow safely. The coach was safe, so too the dolly, but one wheel of the car slipped off the road. Of course, when that happens,the object in trouble wants to drag the whole kit-and-kaboodle down the incline. Angela swiftly got on the gas and dragged the car along the curve, fighting the dangerous pull and forcing the car to follow us. Let me just say that there was no vegetation left along that 10 foot portion of the curve from where the wheel left the asphalt until it returned to its correct follow-the-big-coach position. Both of us let out a long breath and wiped a bit of sweat from our brows. "That was fun," Angela said. All I could manage was a smile and a head nod. The remainder of the curvatious route was MUCH easier. When we reached the bottom, we found a pull-out that was a tad too small for us, but offered a bit of refuge none the less. Both of us piled out to see how much damage there was. None. None, I say. We could hardly believe it. We figured the frame would be bent on the tow dolly, and that we might have an axle problem with the car, but all was well. You see, it was all because of my Talented T and all of her experience on the grand prix and cross country tracks she had experienced back in her David days. Of course the fact that she is an excellent driver in general also helped. She is just a marvel, and I am glad to know that this was just another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual.

Oh Brother

2011-09-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you that I was SORE. I was sore ALL OVER in fact. Worse, I was in that state for several days. Why? We decided to put down a new floor.

In my earlier post I noted that Angela recently had rotor cuff surgery. This all happened a few weeks before that.

Angela's arm was beginning to give her some pain, but you already know that she can't be without a project for long, and I greatly appreciate that fact. So, since we'd been talking about replacing our aging linoleum floor for months, we decided to go ahead.

First, one must take up the old before putting down our new tile. I won't even go into the joy of trying to find that bit of ceramic bliss. Trust me when I say the choices for anything with any hint of gray in it was quite limited. Anyway, cutting through the layer of linoleum was easy, lifting it off the floor was less so, but still no strain for either of us. Then came the reason for my sore arms, body, and psyche: taking up the glue.
Lots of adhesive remained on the floor. Angela quickly discovered scraping away at it was too painful. Oh yes, we spent money on miracle removers, all guaranteed to turn the glue into liquid. Don't believe the hype. They all fall into the category of Buyer Beware. Save your money and just put down copious amounts of water, let it soak, and develope some muscle as you scrape away the gunk. Even so, Angela just couldn't do it. I quickly volunteered and made her go work on "something else." I had no idea four days of scraping that impossibly difficult to remove stuff from our cement foundation would leave me hardly able to lift my arms, much less anything else. Arnold the Swartz would have been sore; Hercules would have been sore; and I was beyond sore. Angela was most complimentary, or course, but I saw the twinkle in her eyes and the quiet chuckle that followed her "nice job, atta girl, and nice bicepts."

When I finished, she patiently set about cutting and laying the tile. It was my turn to say the same phrases along with the twinkle and chuckle. The tile wasn't so heavy that it hurt her arm, but she did have to get into a few awkward positions, so she had her share of Ouch moments.

Now we sit back and enjoy the new look of our pantry, laundry room, and third bathroom. A little shared pain never hurt any marriage.

Nurse Jonni again

2011-09-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Angela recently had day surgery. We arrived at 6 a.m. and returned home around 2 p.m. I've already confessed to not being the best nurse in the world. So, it's a good thing that Angela is not the type who requires anyone hovering over her. I'm great at checking in on her every hour, especially when she's sleeping. How easy is that. Unlike me, she doesn't get sick from anesthesia, so while I left a bucket close by just-in-case, there was no need for it. She doesn't want a drink brought to her, she prefers to get one after every trip to the potty. So, after surgery, in this case for some rotor cuff repair, she just slept from the moment we got home until dinner time. I expected her to be ravenous. Nope, she just wanted soup. Easy again. Oh, I tucked her in a couple of times as she slept, but I don't get any stars for being a good nurse or even a Nurse Ratchet. Oh well.

She's recovered now and doing her physical therapy. She's busy creating websites since she can't do any major projects for a few weeks. Believe me though, she has plenty lined up all ready. I'll keep you posted as they go along. I'm sure you can see that all this is just another case of The Best Thing About Being Married To A Transsexual.

Trouble right here in River City

2011-08-30T10:27:00.001-07:00

Okay, okay, I've been gone a LONNNNNNG time. Here's the deal: I changed my email address and blogspot wouldn't let me in. Their sign-in had the new email address, but my account said it wasn't changed, so I couldn't get in with either email address. So, I'm sorry, but I am still trying to fix that. I finally got in using the old email address that I had changed because THEIR system didn't automatically put in the new address FINALLY after weeks of attempts!

Otherwise, the trouble is we seem to have a beastie or water under the kitchen floor. Whatever it is, we have a little hillock that rises between our kitchen and dining area from time to time. The tiles sound hollow, which means they're no longer attached. It's probably water, but I'd rather it be a gopher, rabbit, or mole (we have all three living on all sides of the house, so why not under?). Whatever it is, we're going to have to fix it. Dast-Oh-Dear, as the heroine might say.

Now, we just finished putting new tile down in the pantry, utility room, and small bathroom (that'll be another blog). THAT was a BIG job. Now, we can only hope we can salvage the tile from this area or we'll have to get new tile for the whole kitchen and dining area. Of course we won't be able to match this fifteen-year-old tile, we all ready know that. Dang. I like this tile. We don't want to do that because one, it'll be expensive, and two, we will soon be starting the cooler rainy season. Okay, Fresno isn't known for lots of rain, but we know that if we start a long project now, we'll end up with an unusually wet fall - so says Murphey's Law - right?

The good news is, I have a reliable tile person in Angela, the bad news is she tour her rotator cuff and is facing surgery. What now? We'll delay this must-do for awhile. My T does know how to take a day off now and then, so I'll just have to stretch that into a month of recovery time. I'll keep you posted on how that goes IF I can can in.

They Touched My Heart - A Birthday/Anniversary to Remember

2011-06-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

Angela and Audra threw me a surprise birthday on Saturday. Oh, yes, I had an inkling something was afoot, but I wasn't sure when, what, or where much less that it was to be a surprise party. They'd arranged for friends to take me off to see art galleries in a nearby town. One even convinced me she had a dinner party to go to later, so I was sure nothing was going on that day. Cars were parked well away from our home, so I had no suspisions until I opened the door. I confess to being totally surprised to see so many good friends inside.

My feet hadn't crossed the threshold before Angela presented me with a full-sized, blown-up version of a walker, complete with many well-known saying about the aged. Before I could move into the room, I had to first maneuver through a trail of orange cones - to prove I could get along with my new contraption. The livingroom was decorated in my favorite sea-green. I was quickly turned around to view the dining room table, very modern, of course, to see not a birthday cake, but a perfect replication of our wedding cake! Angela had had it made to specs, thanks to pictures from our album, and yes, it cost her a small fortune (but it was soooo yummy). There were three layers instead of four - lemon, chocolate, and spice. They were all good, but the spice was wonderful, to die for, and the flavors matched our original. Only the white cake layer was missing, but from the way folks chowed down on what was there, the one exception wasn't missed. You see, our 45th wedding anniversary is a month away, and Angela decided to combine wedding and birthday. They also served a delicious meal.

Audra, not to be out done, had compiled a video using pictures from our various family albums following me from birth to grandma. It was great fun to see all the old pictures, not to mention noting how thin I used to be. There were lots of questions and comments of course and a few laughs as well. Everyone oh'd and ah'd over the wedding pictures and the sailboat we lived and traveled on for two years.

The grandchildren and doggies were well mannered and adorable. Brooke, the four year old spoke with the adults using all her three and four syllable words, and the two year old Bree entertained everyone with her delightful smile and descriptions of how she helped put up the decorations. As for the doggies, there wasn't a bark or growl, an underfoot toy, or a anything beyond lots of tailwagging and puppy kisses.

When I stood to give my little speech, there wasn't a person in the room that I didn't have a short story about. All mean a great deal to me, and they had given special parts of themselves and helped me along the way over the years. All of them had welcomed Angela into their lives without hesitation.

Angela and Audra had pulled off their first surprise party and touched my heart in ways they can't imagine. Angela's loving thoughtfulness about the cake, and Audra's time and effort producing the powerpoint life review were remarkable. They touched my heart.

Up and Over

2011-06-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

This was a I'm Glad It Wasn't Me day.You see, we were busy loading up the RV when Angela put the tow dolly on the back of the coach. Every thing was going just fine until she decided to load-up the car without ole vigillant eyes, me. Oh, she's put the car on alaone before, and she's even winched up smashed up race cars into place. I knew this was nothing particularly new. But, since we've had this rig, I'm usually out there giving the Left - Right - Move-up and Stop signals. Not this time, though. So, you can guess what happened. She went right up, over, and off without stopping. She came into the coach with a rather sheepish grin and said, "I, uhm, need your help outside."

That was putting it mildly. When I got outside, I couldn't stop laughing. There was my car (of course) straddling the tow dolly. The front wheels were not quite on the ground because the automobile was resting on its frame. "Now what do we do?" I asked.

"Well, the first thing we are going to try is to jack up."

"Uhm-huh," I said doubtfully. "Even once it's up, you have to get the wheels in place. So, we're going to be using lumber to make a ramp, right." She nodded, and we proceeded to raise the car, place lots of 4x4s and 2x4s beneath the wheels followed by a long piece so she could drive back into place. Naturally, we didn't have exactly matching piles of wood, but we managed.

I held my breath as she took her seat and grabbed the wheel. The engine started and ever so slowly, she backed squarely into the sweet spot. I motioned STOP, and it was done. We both let out a looong breath.

"Boy, it was a good thing you weren't driving when this happened," she said as she climbed out of the car.

"Me too," I said, laughed, and then gave her a kiss. "But I get to tell everyone."

A Crappy Weekend

2011-06-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I confess that it wasn't all crappy, but . . .

You see, it all started durring a lovely RV outing. We had a wonderful time with everyone in our delightful RVing Women's group. The food, conversations, and doggies and kitties were great, but Saturday was very wet. I love my dogs, but neither wet fur and muddy feet, nor removing stickers are high on my Fun Monitor. After a riotious Trailer Trash dinner with the group, we returned to our coach to prepare for a quiet, dry, peaceful night. Angela went out to dump the tanks while I took the puppies for a walk. When I returned, Angela was still outside. I opened a window and asked, "Need help?"

"Nope," came the reply. Ten minutes later, however, she said, "Okay, I need you outside."

That did not bode well. First of all, it was raining madly, and it was 11:30, well passed Angela's bedtime.

"It seems the RV park's sewer hook up for our rig is backed-up or blocked," Angela said. "The rain could be the cause, but if that was so, the whole park would be in trouble. So, that means we're stuck with the problem. Of course, the office is closed too."

She didn't have to tell me that meant we really had a problem. What were we going to do with a sewage hose full of well, sewage? The good news was that the park link in the spot next to us was working. But, it was 40 feet away. Fortunately, we carry extra sewage hose for this sort of problem. Unfortuately, we usually know about the issue before we are hooked up for two days and can make the alterations before any thing fills the hose.

I could see by Angela's bussling around, getting out hoses, and thoughtful expression that it was going to be me holding our 'difficulty" for this switcheroo. I had visions of spending all day Sunday cleaning up a huge, smelly, yucky mess, even though it was not technically our fault.

With a great deal of care, Angela removed the sewage line from our rig and with much trepidation coaxed a bit more sewage into the park's input, unhooked it, and dripped more yuck into the near overflowing gap. Then, with a towel wrapped around it, just for me, she handed me that end too. Now, a 20' long 3" diameter hose filled with gunk is heavy, and rain was rapidly dropping into the upturned ends - splash, splash, splash - as I stood there with my hands full and my nose turned away.

She gingerly put extensions on each connection, hooked up to the rig, and then we inched our way over toward the new hole. She connected it slowly, but nothing happened! Dang. Okay, worse than Dang. You see, the new receptical was ever so slightly uphill. We have an 8 foot declining contraption to help with that, BUT, we now had 60 feet of hose slanting the wrong direction. It was not going to drain.

After the cloud of blue words dissipated, we got down to pulling lumber out of the rig's storage areas, looking for rocks, sticks and anything else we could use to overcome the problem.

It took half an hour more, but in the end, sewage was flowing, we'd had a nice warm shower and a few laughs. We crawled into bed and I said, "I'm so glad you thought of that towel."

Yes, it's a great thing to be married to a T.

Pop! Zzzzzt! Fire! Dast Oh Dear! Damn!

2011-05-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's what happened. First came the POP, then the Zzzzz. I went to investigate figuring the dog had pulled a kid's toy over and broken it. No such luck though. I stepped into the laundry room and flames were shooting out of an outlet. Now, that gets one's attention immediately. I'm all ready paranoid about fire (having been in a couple of small ones), so this was frightning to me. I yelled for Angela who was outside, yanked out everything that was plugged into that wall, got the fire extinguisher, and yelled for Angela again, "Fire! Fire!"

The flames were gone as quickly as I'd seen them and called out the door, but Angela came rushing in, "Fire? What? When? Where?"

I pointed to the singed area around and below the socket. "We're going to sound like that Abbott and Costello Who's on First routine in a minute," I reply. "We had 2 inch flames pouring out of there a minute ago.".

"We need to check other sockets all over," she said. So, we went through the house, garage and shop to see if there was any other damage.

Of course, there was all sorts of electrical units that smelled like fried eletronics. My computer was first on the list. "Dast Oh Dear." Thanks goodness for back ups and thumb drives. A clock was a goner, so too the toaster, blender, DVD player, and other small appliances. Every now and then we still find something else that was damaged in the episode. "Damn."

Angela fixed most of them, including my computer. Bless her little Novel Engineer heart. The rest we just replaced over time. Wanna know what the cause was? A gopher. He ate through our land line from the transformer to the house! PG&E had to replace the whole thing, so we were without power for several days (thank goodness for our RV coach - no it wasn't plugged in at the time).

Yep, this is just another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual.

Making our own sunshine with a tow dolly

2011-01-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

It has been foggy and overcast for days now, but I always see sunshine when Angela and I are working on a project together. Angela is always fixing, inventing, or making something, because she's the one who has the talent. She can repair anything, and if we need something we can't find in the retail world, she'll come up with a new object to fit the need. Here's a small example: we sold our truck when we bought the RV coach, so we no longer had any way to haul large objects. So, she invented a way to convert our tow dolly into a flatbed carry all. It took some time to design and build, and it is a large, heavy object to carry. But, with it attached, we can now go to the lumber store and bring home almost any sized load.

Yesterday was another dull, grey day outside, but she was out there fixing the lights on the tow dolly. My job was just to hold things in place, pass her tools, and tell her how wonderful her work was. I found that even though it was cold and generally unfriendly outside, we made our own sunshine with our laughter at getting into awkward positions, curses at problems, and perseverance when something didn't work at first.

Yes, this is just another example of the Best Things About Married to a Transsexual. I'm very glad she's mine.

I'm ready for a BIG step too!

2011-01-03T16:07:00.000-08:00

Some of my readers have taken me to task about saying the repeal of DADT is a small step forward. I continue to feel any step forward is a plus. I realize that Ts were not included in the legislation, although that could easily be tested by a few brave souls. Transsexuals are NOT being included in most legislative initiatives along with gays and lesbians, except in hindsight. Unfortunately, we don't have the lobbyist the G and L forces have, and the G and L forces don't often think to add the T to their lobbying efforts. The reality is that we in the T community need to be as visible as the G and L portion. Too many of our group are stealth/closeted. Many of us don't donate to those groups that are fighting for us. Many in the family don't vote. I can't make things change with a single blog, but Angela and I are visible and we vote at every election. We appeared in a Discovery Channel documentary called Changing Sexes: Male to Female. We lecture about Ts, and our marriage, at universities, colleges, & social service organizations. We round up panels for discussion groups, and we are active in our local GLBT+ community. We don't hide, and we try to help where and when we can. All I can suggest to move the T community forward is for more of us to be visible, to vote, and to make our lives known.

Small Steps Toward Freedom from Fear

2010-12-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

There were protests, and then people knew that those in the GLBT+ spectrum would no longer be ignored. Openly "out" parades began, and straight people enjoyed watching, and some even supported them. Supportive organizations began, like PFLAG (and others), and they saw their membership grow. Lobbyist appeared at legislative offices, and bills began to be introduced. Domestic Partnerships were allowed here and there, and states didn't crumble and churches didn't die. In fact, many churches found new members to increase their fold. Welcoming those in the GLBT+ family showed love and acceptance was a better way to follow one's choice of God. Marriages began to happen, and Love spread. Don't Ask / Don't Tell fell, and patriotic men and women will now serve openly.

Freedom for those in our GLBT+ family is coming. We'll soon be equal to the rest of you. That's a tremendous gift to the young people in our community. It shows them that if they can hang on until they are adults, they may be able to lead a normal life.

I'd like to be able to show "our" youth that they can be accepted even while they are still youngsters, pre-teen, teens, and young adults. I'd like to see the bullying, name calling, and hatred stop. Wouldn't you?

She's just a social butterfly!

2010-11-17T10:39:00.001-08:00

Ah, yes, there was a time when I was considered the social one in the marriage. David, now Angela, was not anti-social, exactly, he just didn't participate in conversations much. He always sat just outside of the circle, usually with his arms crossed. He answered with "Yes" or "No," and that was his version of participating in the conversation. Now, since the transition, her elbows are on the table, she's scooted right into the circle, and no talking can go on without her input. She's introducing herself to people all the time. She's suggesting fun things to do, and she is the Hostess With The Mostess when we have guests. She's a good cook too and an even better housekeeper. I guess I'll have to hand over my social butterfly wand and let her take over! Yes, here's another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!

It's just a little switch

2010-11-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

I was dusting today. Simple, huh? Welllllll, let me say that doing so resulted in a mornings worth of work. You see, while doing my house cleaning, I dusted over a light switch and turned it to the OFF position without noticing that I had done so. Horrors! Dast, oh dear! Damn!

This particular switch controls the electricity to all the lights and plugs in the living room, dining area, kitchen, utility room and smallest bathroom. When none of these rooms would light up for me to continue my cleaning, I called for Angela, our Miss Fix-it around here. The rest of the morning was dedicated to testing switches, throwing fuses, running down electric cords and all other sorts of electrician-type stuff that I don't understand. All to no avail, I might add.

When every test had failed, and while we contemplated the need to call a professional out on a Saturday, we both took a break. Angela happened to pass by the switch. She stopped dead and called me, "Oh, Jonni . . . Could you come here a moment?" When I saw her standing there, I immediately realized what must of happened. Too bad neither of us thought to check there first.

She switched it to on, and "Voila! Let there be light!" she said. She is a miracle worker, isn't she? I helped put everything away and quietly slunk off to my computer.

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER

2010-10-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

There is a musical, I DO, I DO, that is based on the play, THE FOUR POSTER. It predominately takes place around a four poster bed as a couple ages. Many of the tunes are catchy and fun. One is where the newlyweds speak of watching their sleeping spouse, and how fortunately they are to have one another. I've been having one of those weeks when I really appreciate everything about Angela. No, it's not about the talents she exhibits in fixing things, or the fun we have because of her transition, or even about her personality. It's the little intangible things like how she blows bubbles with her lips (sans spit/more like a quiet raspberry) as she sleeps; how she breaths deeply when she's concentrating on something (our daughter does the same); how she snuggles up at night, and how she rushes about on various projects. It's the little touches, or smooches, when we pass; and it's how she must have lipstick on to walk out of the house, not to mention adding earrings to coordinate with every outfit. It's how she cares for the doggies - and me - when I'm distracted or worried about some fool thing. In short, it's just about Angela being Angela that makes me realize how much My Cup Runneth Over.

Bullies, Terry Pratchett and YOU

2010-10-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read Terry Pratchett, you've missed some delightful reading. Not only is his humor top notch, but his views have a lot to say about people in Real Life. I just finished I SHALL WEAR MIDNIGHT, and he has a good bit to say about those who prejudice others. The book is about a young witch who has a Cunning Man turning people against her and other witches. Being part of the GLBT+ community, his comments certainly strike home, especially given the numerous suicides and other situations those in our community face due to how people view us. Prejudice is an ugly thing, and when it leads to bullying and worse, young people die. I'd like to have our government and religious leaders think of the consequences before they speak out against the GLBT+ community.

Here's what Tiffany Aching has to say to the Cunning Man:
Your power is only rumor and lies . . . You bore your way into people when they are uncertain and weak and worried and frightened, and they think their enemy is other people when their enemy is, and always will be, you-the master of lies.

Don't make a space for those, who like the Cunning Man, would turn you against your fellow man. Think for yourself and understand that what some folks say are not in your best interest or our country's. I suspect most folks don't give a fig about what their neighbor's do in their own bedrooms. So why is everyone worried about what those in the GLBT+ community do? If you want government out of your home, support others who want it out of theirs. Equal Rights mean Equal, not separate or different. If you love, you should allow others to do so as well. Remember, love is welcoming and accepting of our differences.

I believe God is going to be what you most hate, so when you reach Him, he may well be a member of the GLBT+ community. Don't be a bully who throws stones or derogitory, belittling words, instead be one who welcomes our differences and diversity.

How to shorten a rope

2010-09-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so most people purchase a rope based on the size they need. Right? Right. We, on the other hand, buy a long rope and shorten it by pulling out tree stumps. It works every time. You see, we have a yard full of trees and a LOT of hard pan. That means that most of the tree roots spread out near the surface rather than digging deep into the ground. It also means a heavy wind can knock over a tree every now and then. I'm not sure why they always tend to fall across our driveway or into some other position that is nearly as big of a nuisance , but they do. In this case, however, we elected to cut down a tree that sheds leaves down our chimney, even though, technically, it isn't that close to the chimney. It is close to the house, however. So, this particular tree, a Japanese Elm that I liked very much - until it became a problem, lives in a soft spot, ground wise. Its roots go all the way to Japan, as a matter of fact. We begin by cutting off its limbs, its trunk, and then digging up the roots. Now, I don't usually mind digging in the dirt, but this tree happens to be particularly stubborn. Its roots are tangled and twisted. It seems that no amount of artfully revealing its lifeline is going to release the stump. And so, after hacking away at the mass of large and small roots, our only option was to get the rope and yank it out. Let me say that the stump not only stopped the car dead, it also shortened the rope by a good 4 feet. The snap probably resulted in a few calls to the sheriff too, because it was quite a loud Snap! We have found this an effective way to shorten rope on several occasions actually. While I don't recommend it, I know that it works.

Pumphouse Blues

2010-09-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

"It appears your pump is dead, and your grass is not doing well," said the gardener over the phone. "We're expecting hundred degree temps this week too."

This is not a good thing to hear when home is in California, and we are in New York. Needless to say, we headed home. It's not quite a 3,000 mile trip, so it was not exactly an overnighter, given that we were traveling by RV. We had one planned stop we had to make. That added two additional days to our all ready 6-day trip.

"It's the motor, not the pump," said the repairman the day after we finally arrived home to browning grass. "We can fix it in one day, but you'll have to trim some of these trees so we can get the truck with the winch into your back yard."

Now, if you've been reading this blog, you know what I think about having Angela up in trees. However, given the circumstances, and with me standing by with 911 on the speed dial, we began two days of tree trimming. We also had to take the roof off the pumphouse.

We filled the dumpster to overflowing with branches, and then had another huge pile to fill it again the next week left over. The motor was done the next day.

Our poor grass, trees and few remaining flowering plants sucked down water three times a day for four days before we saw the first signs of green shoots again. The RV finally got emptied and cleaned out. Whew!

We finally stop singing the Pumphouse Blues.

Never say I'm bored

2010-08-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

It was only ten minutes after Angela said those dreaded words: "I'm bored," when all hell broke loose. Please note, I said hell and not HELL, because all we had was lots and LOTS of water. A pipe under the sink failed and began spewing the liquid out at full pressure. Angela looked for the turn off valve under the sink. There were none. She ran downstairs to the next most obvious place, no valve.

"Call Joan," she yelled from below.

I dialed her sister, no answer, so I left a message on both her home phone and cell, as well as one for her husband. "Where the heck is the water turn off valve in Mom's house? Bring towels and a large wrench when you get this message."

"Call my brother," came the voice from below the stairs as I was already dialing that number.

"Can I help? I heard you yelling from outside," said the blessed neighbor from next door. He took one look at the flooded kitchen and raced downstairs to help Angela. A few minutes later, he had found the valve, the water had stopped, and I was soaking up water with every towel I could fined It was at that time that brother-in-law one drove up to help.

The house has a full basement, and water was pouring down every pipeline in the kitchen. So, after wringing out innumerous towels, I flung them downstairs to repeat the task below. Brother called to say he was on his way with his trunk loaded with tools and towels. "Never mind, Tony (the neighbor) saved the day. Thanks, though," I said

Angela took measurements and headed for Home Depot for new fittings. I put the towels in the spin cycle of the wash a couple of times and continued mopping up water in the basement. Two hours later, a new faucet and all the fittings were installed.

Mom happily watched the proceedings from her rocking chair.

Two hours later, the pipe was fixed and Mom had a new faucet. All was well in the household, but Angela is forbidden to think, much less utter, "I'm bored." Again, I'm reminded how lucky I am to have a T with all the plumbing knowledge she has.

Turnpikes and Tollways

2010-07-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, I understand that states are having difficulties keeping up with road repairs. I even admit that the decision to have toll roads makes some sense, at least when the tolls are used to cover the costs of needed repairs. However, when I'm driving on them, and I find they are not maintained any better than other primary throughfares, I am not happy. I'm also not happy to find the wide tollboth is usually the one that remains unmanned. That forces RVs and semitrucks to squeeze into the smaller space along with all the cars. Before Angela transitioned, she was NOT the cool-headed driver she is now. HE would have given the attendant an earful over having to test every driving skill available to avoid scraping the mirrors and paint off the RV while paying for the privilege of using these poorly maintained roadways. Yes, someone deserves to have their ears blasted for the situation, but not the attendants. So, yep, this is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual. I love her supurb driving and her level headed attitude.

Worry

2010-07-07T19:56:00.000-07:00

My T, Angela, puts the big letters in WORRY WART. I mean she's far worse than your average Worry Wart with only two capital letters.

Our route has been been carefully selected, honed and perfected to weeks now. However, last night, the worrywarts began to appear. First it was, "I'm not sure I can make the corner to get the propane."

"The RV Park has been serving motor coaches our size for years. It won't be a problem," I said.

"She woke in a cold sweat, in the middle of the night, and said, "I don't think the RV will be allowed on the floating bridge."

"Semi's cross the Hood Canal on it all the time," said I. "We'll be fine."

"When the sun came up, it was, "They won't let us on the ferry with the tow car."

"If you want to worry about the ferry, consider what it going to cost us," I suggested.

"The route's not marked to Highway Five after we leave the peninsula."

"There will be signs," I promised

We got the propane without a problem, the floating bridge didn't sink, the ferry not only let us on, they charged us $87 and change, and we got to Freeway Five. Now, what worries me is how we are going to fit this big rig into most of the Canadian RV parks.

Ah, how nice it is to have a gardener.

2010-06-29T16:22:00.000-07:00

The temperature reads 107 outside, and the grass is waving in the breeze. It needs cutting. Usually, that means we will dampen our clothes enough to be outside and remain comfortable while we do the job. Today, though, we have a gardener. What bliss. I'm not riding the lawnmower, and Angela isn't doing the edging. I'm not picking up twigs, and Angela isn't trimming the hedge. The broken tree limb is not calling us to care for it immediately. We have a gardener. Angela and I are free to read, write, nap or play with the dogs. Are we? No, we're watching the gardener. Will he do as good a job as we do? Will he be faster than we usually are? Probably. Yes, in fact, when all is said and done. He, after all, has the fancy equipment we don't own. He also does the job for a living and has figured out all the little tricks of the trade. So, by watching, we hope to do better when we are doing it again in a few weeks. We also hired a professional tree trimming service. Guess what, not a single person fell out of a tree or off a ladder. You know, this could become a habit. Now, all we have to do is get a summer job to pay for our professional lawn care. Maybe we could hire out as gardeners.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2010-06-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

Who ever said retirement was relaxing? Forget that. So far today, I have trimmed a small tree (taller than me though), and helped Angela mend a fence that lines our property. It's only ninety degrees outside. That's almost cool weather in Fresno for the summer months. We have nice neighbors for the most part, but one of them owns a business he runs from his home that is illegal. He runs big trucks and heavy equipment into his back yard along our property line, and they often knock down parts of the fence. The whole neighborhood is up in arms about his business and trucks, but so far he hasn't budged on moving the business. He will replace a fence post now and then if we insist on it, but generally, it falls to us to maintain it. Can you tell we aren't happy about this? Yes, the county is aware. They fine him every few months and threaten him regularly. None of that is doing much good thus far. I personally think that he believes our complaints will eventually fall on deaf ears as we're just a couple of "those" women. Just being women is a strike against us, of course. Ah well, we carry on. The good news is that we can share a few laughs about having to watch getting sunburns on our bald heads together even though we wear hats. We both lather up with sun lotion, but there is always a few spots that seem to get pretty red from time to time. We share our broken fingernail stories and help put on occasional band aids too. It is nice that we share the house and yard work. In fact, we actually enjoy most of it. Oh yes,we share bathroom and kitchen duties too. you'll have to wait for those stories.

Active Again

2010-06-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit to being a slacker in the blogging arena. I think, though, that it was more of a vacation. I was doing all that Cancer stuff, and it took over my life in a way I had not anticipated. I gio through it without many problems, but blogging took a backseat. I missed doing it, of course, but putting words down correctly didn't always happen. Call it what you will: chemo brain, or just laziness. I'll agree with you generally. I'm on a chemo pill now, but the brain seems to be working, and I want to be involved in blogging again. So, here I am putting words in this little box again.

Since this is supposed to be about being married to a Transsexual, trust me when I say that Angela was a rock through all of this - in the best way (not as poundage such as her being a heavy weight to carry around). She provided wonderful nursing when needed and even better support all the time. She, along with several good friends, made the passage much easier than I expected. Trust me when I say that not all spouses are a help. So, yes, this is another great thing about being married to a T!

My Bad

2010-04-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been away from this blog way too long. Can I claim Chemo Brain? How about Radiation Burn? No, alright, I guess I'll just have to take personal responsibility. It is my fault, no question about it. The good news is that all of the chemo and radiation are now behind me. I'll start The Pill on Monday I already had the hard stuff variety of that in my Chemo mix, I'm sure it'll just be a take-one-in-the-morning-and-forget-about-it scenario. So, I have no more excuses, and I'll just have to keep up with the blog from now on.

Angela is the main topic of this blog, and so I report that she hasn't been idle. She's been keeping me in line and taking care of my complaints, of course. She's also put in a tile bathroom floor, built a swing set, put together loads of holiday toys, and is now finishing up on a large 8'x8' playhouse for the girls. No, she didn't fall off a ladder, but she did manage to smash one finger, the drill into her two thumbs with her electric screwdriver. See, I can say/write that with a straight face even. She's my T, that's for sure. The good news is that I was handy with the bandages. I always love working on a project with her because she keeps me smiling.

Hormones!

2010-03-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

Hormones are a blessing and a curse. I’ve had it with hot flashes, to put it mildly, and I think it only fair that sometime in her life Angela should be blessed with the same situation, don’t you? Here’s the deal: Way back when, in 1998, when she started on hormones, she got massive doses: 5 full milligrams to my HRT dose of .325 milligrams. That forced teenage puberty. I’ve already written about the joys of having a 57-year-old husband going through the 13-year-old-girl stage. Most of it was fun and funny; I mean how many women get to tell their husband, “go back in there and take off half of that make-up, put on a longer skirt and lower heels?” I also got to give “sage” advice about make-up, perfume (oh lordy, that’s ANOTHER story!), color and hair. It wasn’t long until she became a teenage, and, of course, then she knew everything there was to know, and ‘who the heck was I to be giving advice?’ Ah well. So, back to hormones: since they found the cancer, I have had to be off hormones – completely. That means I'm having Hot Flashes - AGAIN.

When Angela had her surgery, at least for those first couple of weeks afterward anyway, she had to wear a pad. I suppose you could consider that a short-version of a couple ministration cycles. That was it; ho-hum right? That’s okay; but this hot flashes/flushes business is just not fair if you ask me. I figure if I have to have them, so should she, at least sometime in her life, even if it is when she’s eighty.

Better

2010-03-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

She's back! My happy wifey is back. Maybe it was "Menopausal." Who knows? Who cares. We girls are allowed to be emotionally volatile, right? Angela included.

We'll be loading up the RV for a trip with RVing Women this weekend. We'll be staying at an RV resort just south of Redding, CA. This is a fun group of women who are accepting of everyone, and how I wish there were more of these type of folks around! We always enjoy ourselves with them, and rain or not, we know we'll have a good time, even though it's a long drive for only a two night stay.

We've had Brooke here for a couple of days, and due to my medical schedule, Angela has had to be primary caregiver when Brooke is here. She's a great babysitter, in addition to being the perfect grandmother. She's the consummate playmate for a 2+ year old, that's for sure.

She keeps me on the straight and narrow, always making sure that my humidifier is going when I come to bed. She makes sure I take a nap every afternoon. She won't let me lift or move things heavier than I'm "allowed," and she's always available for a tension back rub or a rubdown for lymphodemia. Now, those last two are huge in the Helpful Dept, let me tell you.

She's my biggest booster, and the softest soft shoulder, even when I don't think I need one. She's always there to take on that one-more-job I either used to do, or should be doing when I'm taking a nap or at the doctor instead. She never complains, she just does it. You know what? She the long suffering wife, without the suffering. She always makes me laugh, either at her, the situation, or myself. Even when she's blue herself.

What more could I want? Yes, she's the Best. So, yep, all this is just another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual. Don't you wish you had one?

Blue Funk continues

2010-02-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yep, she's all woman. I'd say she's menopausal, but I don't think that counts under the circumstances

I gave her a nice card and offered to make a day of shopping and going out to a nice dinner. “I don’t want to,” was her reply. Yesterday, I dragged her through a store between doctor appointments, and she lackadaisically only touched a couple of outfits. Even shoes, her number one priority for years, didn’t get her interested. Instead, she complained “wearing those high, high heels that I love caused my bunion, and now I can’t even wear regular high heels for long.” I felt the “boo-hoo,” even if I didn’t hear it.

So, no, we didn’t go out either. We do have a dinner guest joining us this week, and one next week. She can dress up for both of them. So, I’m counting on at least one of them to perk her up. I’m hoping that having a few days of sunshine will help too (forecast for next week).
Keep your fingers crossed.

Beauty crisis

2010-02-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

We're having a crisis around here. Angela's SRS was in January 2002. Before and after her surgery, she was beautiful. Her transition took 10 years off her face - all the fine wrinkles were gone, the beard was gone, and the new feminine layer of fat softened all her features. Time passed, and the dosage of HRT lessened, and, of course, she got a little older. She also acquired the laments typical-of-many-females: I’m not pretty enough, and I’m too fat. Yes, she’s gained a little weight. She’s still beautiful to me, and I’m envious of that beauty because I have the same issues, especially now that I have no hair and my eyebrows and eyelashes are falling out too (thanks to chemo!). The main problem, you see though, is that she’s often in blue jeans and a cotton blouse, polo or sweatshirt around the house. The other problem is that we don’t go out where we need to dress up anymore. Most of that is because we’re retired and have less disposable income, but part of that is a choice – we tend to go out to dinner at good, but more casual restaurants like Outback, Applebee’s and such. So, this weekend I’m taking her out for a shopping spree and to a “class joint” for dinner. I’m getting a special card today, to give her tomorrow. We’ll see what happens, and I’ll let you know. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

Wax & Rain

2010-02-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know it is supposed to be ‘wax and wane,’ but I said wax and rain ‘cuz that is what happened to Angela. She spent 2.5 days waxing the RV, only to have it rain through our whole RV trip. Of course, I told her the rain was all her fault. Yes, the weatherman told us rain was on the way, but who believes the weatherman in the winter around here (especially when the forecast is rain)? Now, in the summer, when the weather is always ‘102-3-or 4 degrees and sunny’ – THAT we believe – but not when rain is predicted. So, this weekend, the weatherman said, “Rain,” and that is what we got – gobs of it. Now, Angela, being a morning person, is always first up. She also takes the dogs out for their first walk. This time, the rain was really pelting us. Even so, she kindly took the little beasties out for their 15-minute sniff, doodle around and do their business. Not only that, but she gave them a good rub down when she returned to the RV – without even disturbing me. What a gal! What makes this special? When she was David, even a sprinkle meant, “Jonni, it’s raining out, you’ll have to do the dogs!” So, this is just another one of those Best Things About Being Married to a T.

Little Things

2010-01-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

There's an old saying about how "its the little things that count." I'm finding that true in my life with my T. Angela, as David, was always the gentleman; he opened doors, carried the heavy stuff, and did all the guy things. He also helped out in the kitchen and with raising our daughter. Now, I find that all those things continue, only now there is more granddaughter things on her list than helping the daughter things. The little things I'm talking about though, are just about the two of us: She is the one who fills the humidifier every-other-night. She's the one who says, kindly, "don't you think you should wear your compression arm," when I'm doing something unusual (it's for Lymphadema after the cancer surgery). She's the one who always takes the heavy end when we're liftiing something, even though her strength is much less than when she was a man due to the female hormones. She's the one who notices when I'm tired and suggests a break, a rest, or a nap. In short, she is always doing the little things that make my life easier. I appreciate that more than she will ever know. It's great to be married to a Trans!

RVing with a Trans

2010-01-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, there are joys unlimited with a transsexual as your RVing partner!

First off, she's the best driver in the world - thanks to years racing cars on tracks. She can evade a problem in a heartbeat - talk about fast reflexes!

Next she can fix almost anything on the RV, and of course, she can pepper any repair person with question (so she can learn more) whether the repairs are for around for Home, Computer, Shop, Car or RV. She has a two year degree in Automotive Mechanics, plus she was a Novell Computer engineer, and she's into woodworking and tile and hardwood floor laying. She's very versatile.

We've been RVing twice because I had a break in my chemo. Last week, we were in Bakersfield, and she helped drain and flush half a dozen ladies hot water heaters, and ours, of course. Additionally, she helped with two other repairs as the local repairman was swamped with orders and couldn't get to them all! There hasn't been anything on our RV she hasn't been able to fix, and her current project is to make a cabinet where the TV was in the bedroom (we don't often watch TV, and certainly didn't need a second one in the bedroom!). What all RVs can use is more storage that's easy to get to. She's a wonder, there's no doubt.

Then there is that "hormones don't change everything" aspect. When we got home, finished unloaded, cleaning and packing everything back in, she wanted to move the RV to is regular parking spot beside the garage. Of course, we'd had multiple rainy days, and the coach is not-exactly a lightweight. The "roadway," if you can call it that, across our east side "back 40" was soaked. Do you think that was a deterrent to her - nope! When she wants to move it, moving it will happen! So, guess what - it sank to its hubcaps! We had to call a tow truck to get it out. Oh well, I love my trans anyway! Just think of all the harassing I can do now - "I told you so," and "hormones don't change everything, dear!"

Trans trumps all

2010-01-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

If one ever wanted one of those obvious "the transition made a difference" moments, we had a couple over the last few days. Pre-transition, the Christmas tree always came down the weekend after New Years, if not before. It was like clockwork. All the extraneous stuff started being put away on those days leading up to the weekend, and then on Friday the icicles and garland were removed. Saturday, all the balls were put away. Sunday was a dawn to dusk lights-off-and tree-packed-away marathon. It didn't happen this year. In fact, this first weekend, we've been away on an RV trip, and the Christmas tree is only missing the icicles and the balls. The lights are still twinkling away. Furthermore, instead of immediately diving into the remove- the-lights-and-pack-away-the-tree mode, which would have been 100% the expected pre-transition activity, Angela is at the daughters painting the dining room! That'll be at least a two-day, and probably three-day project, and then we're off on another RV adventure for the weekend. So, the tree will probably not be packed away until we return. There hasn't been a word said about the still standing and partially decorated tree. Additionally, by now, all of the boxes would have found their way into their appointed spots in the attic. Instead, a pile ov boxes remains stacked in the garage, and I note What a Difference a Transition Makes. Aren't Transsexuals wonderful?

Beautiful daughter

2010-01-06T11:54:00.001-08:00

The kids came over for dinner last night, and as the evening progressed, both Angela and I noticed how lovely our grown, married, mother of two daughter is as a woman. Sometimes it is difficult to not always think of her as "the kid." She just turned 39, and still looks to be about 19. There are no noticible wrinkles, and when we took her out for dinner for her birthday, the owner noted that she would have carded her had she not known her actual age. She is not only a great daughter, but she's also an excellent mother, and a good wife. We miss not having her around us all-the-time, but its always nice when they come over for their weekly dinner with us, &/or when we babysit the real kids (ages 2 and 6 months). I called her a few minutes ago just to tell her how beautiful we both thought she looked, and we both got a little teary-eyed.

Angela was a great father while Audra was growing up, and she's an equally great at being a grandmother. She plays with the kids like a woman, where she played like a father/male with Audra. She grew up in a less touchy-feely family than mine, and she has converted completely, especially with the grandchildren. She's more likely to be on the floor with one or both of them than I am even. She has infinite patience, and she takes great joy in everything they do. It's a so much fun to watch her interacting with the little ones. She's also built many of their toys - a rocking horse for Christmas last year, a desk/toy box for her birthday, and a whole swingset complex for Christmas this year. Who knows what she'll come up with next year. See, there's another advantage of having a T for a spouse - she can still do the mostly-male activities like building stuff (yes I hold the board or an end of the measurer, and I great at handing tools to Angela). She's also caring and gentle as a mother/grandmother can be. I am so lucky to have her!

Eyelashes

2009-12-31T16:28:00.000-08:00

My apologies to any and all followers, I've been remiss in keeping this up of late. It won't happen again. This blog is about how great it is to be married to a Transsexual, and I can only say that nothing tops that being the case in my book. Angela has been my staunchest supporter through the bumps cancer has caused, and my inward focus this last month plus, has only proved, again, what a dear she is. She always knows what to say, and when to say it, especially when there is a need for something funny. Last night, we took our daughter to dinner, and while getting ready I got frustrated at putting on makeup because most of my bottom eyelashes are now gone. She simply said, "That's not why I married you, and it's not why everyone loves you, so stop worrying." It was a simple statement, but it took me out of myself and put the focus back where it belonged - on our daughter and her night out without kids." She's there with something cold when I have a hot flash, or with a crayon when I'm bitching about drawing on my thinning eyebrows. She's there with a hug when I need one, or even when I don't. She's not insulted when I suddenly stop snuggling and throw off all the covers, or change clothes three times, or whatever. Remember, now, Ts are "into" make-up and looking good. Even so, she always makes me feel like I look like a star. Hmmmm, maybe if I start wearing sunglasses, no one will notice the missing eyelashes.

Two Billiard Balls

2009-11-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

Angela shaved my head this morning. I decided that since we own Bichons because they don't shed, it is pretty silly for me to be dropping hair all over the place (not to mention blocking the shower and sink drains!). It does look a bit strange, but other than that, I'm perfectly happy with my decision. As always, the every-talented Angela accomplished the task quickly. She shaves her own head also, but then, she's had a lot more practice. We'll be two billiard balls when we go to bed without our wigs. Yes, I have my new wig already, so I won't scare anyone to death when I go out in public. This is quite a change for us: Angela, as David, was bald; now it's my turn. She wears her wig all day, but I doubt I will. Time will tell. I don't have to look at my head, where everyone else does. Even the dogs didn't give me any funny looks, so I guess they accept this as just another of "mom's harebrained schemes." Angela has a great sense of humor, on top of her head shaving skills, so I guess that means I now have two Best Things About Being Married to a Transsexual to report today. I'm not even counting the fact that she is starting her next project - laying a new floor down the hall. The old carpet is out, and the new hardwood will be installed over the next few days. She's a marvel!

Taking up the slack

2009-11-13T10:06:00.000-08:00

I’ve learned more than I care to say about cancer, but the most surprising thing is that it completely takes over your life. Every weekday has at least one appointment for something –doctors, labs, scans, physical therapy and etc. Each week is regulated by where you are in the chemo cycle. Week one, you can do pretty much as you please. Week two: stay away from anyone with a cold because white cells are diminishing by the minute. Week three: by midweek, one regains their freedom as white cells regenerate. Of course, then it is time to do chemo again, and the cycle repeats. This weekend is officially “stay indoors, don’t go anywhere” per my doctor. So, I’m missing a mall play-date with the grandkids, a day of babysitting, an opening of a friend’s art gallery, a play we planned to see, and a Christmas shopping trip scheduled for tomorrow. Dast, oh dear! Dang! So, guess who is taking up the slack – all by herself – Angela of course! We usually do “kid things” together. Sometimes we both are “on duty,” and sometimes one of us leaves to work on a project, go shopping or meet friends for lunch. We relieve each other for breaks, but one of us is always with the kids. Today, it will be an all day affair for her, although our daughter will be there for the play-date and from time to time throughout the day. Angela is an excellent babysitter; she plays with Brooke like a big sister, and she is a champion at changing diapers and walking babies (yes, she was excellent at both as a father too). So, here’s another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual: a few hormones add a touch of tenderness and patience that all of us enjoy!

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T23:24:00.000-08:00

Our flag flies at half-staff for those who died at an American Army Base recently, for all those who have died in our two current wars, and for those that have died in all of our wars. It flies at half-staff for those who have died peaceful deaths years after their valiant service to our country, of which my father was one. It flies at half-staff for those who came home from the horrific Vietnam War only to be vilified by fellow Americans. It flies at half-staff for our gay, lesbian, transgender, bi-sexual and intersexed brothers and sisters-in-arm who have died or who are now serving honorably under the deplorable don’t ask, don’t tell directive. It flies at half-staff those same GLBT+ people who have left the service because they spoke out against don’t ask, don’t tell, or who self-identified and were dismissed as if they had no value. It flies at half-staff for all those who have been injured in our wars, and it flies at half-staff for all the family members of those who have served and who currently serve in our armed forces. I am proud of them all, and I’m proud to stand among them. Angela and my father served as career officers in the USAF, both survived their war, and I am very proud of them.

Having Fun

2009-11-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

It’s the small things that make marriages work sometimes. Sunday was the first day after my chemo that I actually got outside to “play” with Angela. She makes work fun, even when its hard work. She was chopping off limbs and I was picking them up. That’s not a typical scenario for fun I know, but working with Angela is almost always a happy occasion for us. We did a little fencing with branches. We piled the stack higher and higher like a balancing game before we knew we’d gone too far. I held the gate open and closed like a bullfighter’s cape as she charge through it. Next we attacked the garden, finding end-of-season produce like they were Easter eggs. In the case of the tomatoes, it really was a hunt. The fall/winter veggies are doing fine, so they were easy, but that last eggplant was also a bit of a challenge. See, you can have fun while getting work done, especially if you have a T in the family! So, yep, having fun while working together is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual.

One Chemo Down

2009-10-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

I had my first round of chemo therapy yesterday with no bad effects. All is going well. My appetite is good, I slept well, and while I expect to have some down days in the next few days, I was pleasantly surprised to be feeling fine after this first round.

Angela, of course, has been the chief driver and nurse through all of this, and she's wonderful about it.

Today we were outside a fair amount of time as it was a beautiful day. I harvested produce from the garden - kale (my favorite veggie), green onioins (yum!), cherry tomatoes, radishes, and chives for baked potatoes tomorrow night with the kids. I'll be fixing my last eggplant tonight, and I have a load of beets for veggies through next weeks too. I helped pick up branches after she cut off those that were hanging too low to use the riding lawn mower. That was the first real exercise since my surgery. About all Nurse Nora (Angela) will let me do is the laundry and empty the dishwasher, so helping load up the trailer felt pretty good. She hauled them over to our big dumpster, so I really didn't do much. I don't think it was even enough to be sore in a couple days. after all that activity, Cassandra, my smallest Bichon, and I took a nap together on the patio glider.

It was a fine day.

Happy Halloween to all!

Race for the Cure

2009-10-24T23:36:00.001-07:00

After a really terrible experience at Community Hospital's Cath Lab while getting my port put in for my Chemotherapy, I'm happy to report that the next Cancer-related item on my list was a great success. The Susan B. Kommen Race for the Cure was today, and four of us retired Fresno Bee (newspaper) gals joined seven other mutual friends for the one mile walk portion. The team captain recently found out she is pregnant, Donna had her cancer surgery two weeks ago, and I had my port put in two days ago, so we didn't think we should overdo it. The others agreed, and all did the one-mile walk. There were more than 6,000 people who participated in the Race for a Cure, most of which did the actual RACE part. It started at 6:30 a.m. The winner did the 5 miles with a 4.68-minute mile, which was pretty darn good! There were also shorter races, I believe. At any rate, I arrived at 9 in time for the awards. The rest of the group joined me in time to honor the survivors, of which Donna and I were included. There were probably 2,000 women who walked across the stage and took their seats in a show of solidarity that was very moving. We then moved on to the walk, which was easy and quickly done. Paula took a fall and scraped up her arm, but she's fine. Yes, we got it tended to at their first aid station. Angela was signed up to go, and donated her $20, but stayed home to do the lawn. We have to take one of our dogs up to Davis to see the super doctors up there, so she felt the lawn had to come first. Of course, she was super solicitous in helping me get ready and doubly so when I came home. She was concerned I might be overtired. Hardly! But she insisted I take a nap, which I gladly did. She's the responsible one, and it's a good thing, as I ended up sleeping for two hours. Evidently, I was more tired than I thought. Her point: "it has only been two days since your port surgery." I'm glad I have my own private nurse, and that's another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!

Settled?

2009-10-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

Boy, there is just no way to feeling settled with Cancer. The bottom line is that Angela is about the only thing that's normal around here! She's my rock, my primary supporter, and cheerleader. How many Best Things About Married to a Transsexual can I list? Loads (!) - especially since the diagnosis. Having cancer is having one doctor appointment after another with scans and lab tests in between - and I haven't even started the Chemo or Radiation yet. The surgery went great and poor Angela is doing double duty on everything - yard work, housecleaning, and all sorts of just general helpful things. She's a blessing in so many ways. There are so many things one needs to learn, and there are only a few days to absorb it all and make critical decisions. I was expecting radiation after surgery, but not chemo. Now, chemo is in the mix and starting "soon." I had one bad lymph node, and some "suspicious cells" in two more, so we're fast approaching the Port or No Port decision. I was all for just following my doc's advice, and going with whatever she suggested, but after some research, I'm struggling with info overload. I've got a call into her to discuss not having the port done, and asking about at least one of drugs I'm supposed to take. None of the chemotherapy drugs are "nice," to put it mildly. They all have terrible side effects and long-term after effects. So, hang in there with me. I promise to keep after this blog. I just want to say how much I love having Angela around to share my thoughts, worries, and all the joy she brings me.

Whew! I'm glad that's over!

2009-10-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

Surgery's over, and I'm doing fine. Now it's on to the next phase: finding out the results. I'm not good about waiting, but I'm stuck doing so for now. It'll be Wednesday or Thursday before the docs will be able to tell me the results of the lymph tests. Of course, the treatment plan depends on the outcome, so everything is back in limbo for a short while. I liked it a lot better when things were more concrete: "this is what we are going to do." Oh well. The good news is I'm feeling fine and improving each day. Angela, better known as my nurse, is on top of everything. She's doing laundry and draining my drains, she's tending the lawn and dusting the furniture, and she's reaching down everything I need that's above my head and picking up everything I want that weighs more than two pounds. She's a joy and a godsend all rolled in to my own very special T! What more could I ask?! I've got the best of all possible worlds. She's always there when I need her, and all those things are just more of the Best Things About Being Married to a T!

Na Nana Na Na!

2009-09-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

Angela falls off ladders. That's a given around here. She's broken her wrist twice; once from an indoor fall, and once from an outdoor fall. She's had several other falls that, fortunately, only resulted in various scrapes and bruises. It's to the point that there is now a "rule" about not getting on a ladder without someone being nearby (to at least call an ambulance, or laugh, which ever is the most appropropriate!). This last fall happened two weeks ago, and it wasn't a terrible fall; it was another of those scrapes and bruises variety. However, it's still causing her problems - her knee and foot continue to swell. Both are okay, sore, but not seriously so, in the morning, but, by nightfall, both are swollen. So, today we went to see the doctor. He promptly asked, "Did you put ice on it? (No) Did you raise it for a few hours? (No) Did you take it easy for the rest of the day?" (No) Of course, all of those things were the very same instructions I gave her after her accident: ala this-is-what-you-should-do. Naturally, she ignored me and went on about her work. Over the next few days, the scratches healed, but the soreness remained. I wasn't very sympathetic, since she didn't take my advice. I went with her to the doctor today, just so I could say, "Na Nana Na Na!" in the hopes that next time she'll listen, and do as told - including not being on a ladder without someone being around! You see, hormones don't change Everything! But, the fact she took it in good humor, makes that One of the Best Things About Being Married to a T!

Things Are Getting More Real Every Day Now.

2009-09-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

I have a surgery date now, Sept. 29. Having it makes the whole thing seem more "real" now. Angela is certainly a grounding force. Initially, she was worried, but as we have moved through the process, she is relaxing a bit. She's the best nurse possible when I'm sick, so I know she'll be great as I recover and go through the radiation treatments. Right now, though, she is the organizer. Each bit of paperwork that must be attended to is in its place; medical office cards are in their particular spot too, and now that my "official cancer documents" booklet/file has arrived, she's going through along with me. I never realized how many appointments, insurance papers, and whatnot had to be done before the whole process actually begins. It certainly isn't like any other surgery I've ever had. Of course, the stakes are higher. She's a dear, and I love her to death.

Caught by an advertiser

2009-09-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

We fell for the legendary John Deere myth that their lawn tractors are better than all the others. It cost us $2,000 more to buy a JD rather than the Sears version we were considering. Now that we have it, the JD is just not measuring up. The fabric grass-catchers get the machine and me filthy, are difficult to lift off their frames because I'm too short to get enough purchase on the darn things, and they're hard to empty when full.

Today, it stopped mowing when I ran over a gopher hole! This is a lawn tractor, folks, have you ever heard of such a thing? The machinery couldn't handle the loose dirt, I guess!

Thank goodness Angela has the "Miss Fix-it" gene, because taking this thing apart was no picnic. (Our old Sears version had much easier access to problem areas.) However, she had me up and running again after about 45 minutes. That gene is a Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual!

2009-09-04T10:50:00.000-07:00

There's good news in Mudville (aka Fresno) today, Angela's longest nail survived! I'm sure you have already guessed what happened. Yes, she fell off a ladder - AGAIN!

No, I didn't know she was using a ladder, so I was not outside with her. (She has orders not to climb a ladder without supervision, which has worked up until today - DAMN!) Yes, she looks like she's been through a war zone, but the damage appears to be more-or-less superficial - scratches, bruises, and minor cuts. There will be some swelling no doubt, and no, she didn't put any ice on it - recalcitrant four-year-old that she is. (Hormones don't change everything!) Nothing's broken THIS time - what a welcome change that is. At least we are not spending the remainder of the day at an emergency room. My next stop is going to be at a local Home Depot to get several chains and locks. They'll be attached to our three ladders, and the key will be hidden.

Breakfast at 6:30

2009-08-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

One of the blessings Angela offers is doing breakfast each morning when Brooke is staying overnight. I'm not a morning person AT ALL! So, she gets up with our granddaughter and fixes her a nice breakfast. Of course, Angela is a morning person, but not always quite as early a morning person as Brooke is. They have a wonderful time just the two of them, while I continue my snoozes. Of course, I get up in the middle of the night, so it evens out, I suppose. However, doing early morning breakfasts is one of the Best Things About Being Married to a T for me.

It's good to have a T

2009-08-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, I have breast cancer. This is not fun to find out, but having a T around makes it easier. First of all, she's the take-charge-of -things person. She does all the worrying so I don't have to. In fact, she is spending a great deal of time worrying about the fact that I am NOT worrying. I am not worried, you see, because I found it on a Wednesday, saw my doc on Friday, had a mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday, and got the bad news on Friday. The next Friday, I met with my surgeon, oncologists (2-one for chemo and one for radiation), a geneticist, a social worker, and a great nurse who keeps them all in line. I have all my pre-op appointments being scheduled, and I have an "initial" plan, which could change after all the tests are done. I know what to expect, and I know who to contact for each step of the way. That's pretty fast, and I'm sure my medical team have my best interests at heart. (Yes, I'm checking up on stuff on the Internet and with friends and family that have gone through this before). Angela is going along on all my appointments and being my note taker. She's also making certain that everything gets on the calendar, and she's keeping everything in a neat little stack until the official cancer center folder arrives with all it's neat filing system already worked out. In short, my T is my rock, and I appreciate that - A LOT!!!! You see, I always wanted a wife, and now I have one! So, what do I have to worry about?

Choice

2009-08-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying that I firmly believe that being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender is NOT a choice. When we speak to groups there frequently is someone who claims that being GLBT+ is a Choice. I believe that I am perhaps one of a very few people who have CHOSEN the GLBT+ lifestyle. I say that I have chosen it, not because I was born GLBT+, but because my spouse was. Angela had no choice about being transgendered. She was born to be a female, but her exterior body did not match her feminine brain. I was born a woman who fell in love with a man and married him, 43 years ago. I chose to stay with him when he was able to transition, because he was the person I loved. I embrace that change wholeheartedly, and I continue to support that change. Angela is finally able to BE who she always HAD to be. I am very happy that I chose to stay married to her, that I welcome the GLBT+ lifestyle, and that I am proud to be deemed a Lesbian. To do otherwise would be anathema. I am welcome in this lifestyle and am more than happy with my choice. There is no question that I am as attracted to Angela as I was to David, so why should I deny that? While I didn’t expect to be in love with another woman, I am absolutely certain I love Angela. I am also certain that should I outlive her, I would likely choose another woman as my spouse.

FCC

2009-07-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's absolutely wonderful when one realizes a true connection when speaking before a class. Last night was one of those occasions. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We had a panel of seven GLBT+ folks talking about the more than 15,000 rights those in the community lack, marriage, and coming out. We shared experiences and difficulties, and the class members asked excellent questions. There is no question that some hearts and minds were changed and others were opened to expanding horizons. There were tears, surprises and many who came to talk to us individually after class. We were all honored to have been invited to speak, and gratified by the response from the class.

What am I?

2009-07-18T22:03:00.001-07:00

Angela and I speak to groups often, and when we do, this question always comes up: "Are you lesbians?"

I have a quick answer: "I'm a Straight Lesbian." I say that, not to make light of who and what I am, but to point out that labels seldom tell the whole story. I certainly married "straight." I am a woman who married a man. If I simply said, "Yes, I'm a lesbian," I'd be denying 35 years of marriage to a man. I would also be denying that Angela existed as another person (David) and all that his, and our, life was while Angela was David.

There is no question that we now are Lesbians, at least in the context of "if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck." We each love one another, we are both women, and we make love to one another, so we are "tada!" - Lesbian. Of course, the same things were true for us as man and wife for more than 35 years too. So, perhaps, I'm "Bisexual." Does that mean I'm not Lesbian any more?

Labels are just confusing. Oh, they are great for speaking about groups of people: men who are attracted to men are considered Homosexuals, and women who are attracted to women are considered Lesbian. Both were, or are, considered Queer and/or Gay, mostly depending on the age of the person doing the talking. Things get a little sticky when you try to pin an indiviual down though.

I think I'll stick with Straight Lesbian.

First Things

2009-07-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

Angela is feeling better - slightly. So what are the first things she does? She blows off the patio, dusts the front eight rooms of the house, and gets out the sweeper. That's my girl! Of course, each of those items completely wore her out, so she took a thirty-minute break between each - and a two-hour nap before and after lunch. No, I wasn't home to see that she was overdoing it, but the evidence was clear when I returned from my meetings. She also confirmed her exploits over dinner. Yes, she was decidedly "done-in" for the remainder of day, evening and night. It'll be all I can do to keep her from cutting trees tomorrow! That's my T! It's also one of the Best Things About Married to a Transsexual.

Celebrity vs Soldiers

2009-07-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am concerned about the way we go nuts over celebrities. I don’t just mean Michael Jackson; I mean sports heroes and movie, TV and radio celebs. One of them dies and the world goes into mourning. What happens when a soldier dies? Their family and a few friends go into mourning. Congress has a moment of silence for a celebrity, but nothing when a soldier dies. Folks flock to a celebrity to get an autograph, but can’t show up at the airport to welcome home a fallen soldier from their own community. Okay, I’m from the Vietnam generation, where “our boys” were spat on; but there is no excuse these days. Our country “supposedly” supports our soldiers. There should at least be a moment of silence in congress every day a soldier dies. There should be a line of folks from every community lining the departure streets from every airport when a fallen soldier comes home. Think about it next time you think about spending money on a celebrity. Angela, as David, spent 23 years in the A.F. and is a much decorated officer, as was my father. I celebrate them every day!

I'm Proud of Her

2009-07-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think she’s downright insane. She’s been very sick for six weeks, but when a neighbor noted that a couple of our trees were encroaching on their property she immediately got the chainsaw and took care of the problem. Yes, I told her not to do it until she was better, and yes, I helped. It only took a couple of hours to fill up our massive garbage bin. She’s been resting/sleeping ever since (except for meals). She takes responsibility as a priority. If something needs doing, she gets it done, even if she’s not feeling well. She took that same attitude as an officer in the Vietnam War. She, as David, received the Distinguished Flying Cross, more Air Medals than I care to count (26), and has flown in every version of the B-52. She’s my hero(ine) in more ways than I care to count. I’ve very proud to be her wife and to have her as mine. That's just one more Best Thing About Being Married to a T!

Looking for answers in all the wrong places

2009-06-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve got a frustrated patient on my hands. Angela is in pain from a serious rash that the docs just can’t seem to pin down. She’s had this for over a month, and we’ve done tests galore. Nothing specific turns up. The good news is that we keep deleting “bad things this could be,” as the docs say. “It’s not her heart, it’s not leukemia, it’s not . . .” You get the idea.
We’re still waiting for results on Valley Fever. Meanwhile, her rash keeps getting worse, and her various other symptoms continue. She’s coping with the heavy night sweats (no, they aren’t hot flashes), the low-grade fever, the cough, tiredness, lack of strength, and shortness of breath. But, she is not dealing well with the rash (no, it’s not shingles). She keeps asking me, “What should I do?” I guess I should take that as a good sign. She still looks to me even as frustrated as she is, and in as much pain as she’s in. I just wish I had an answer besides, “call the doctor, and make another appointment.” Yes, SHE actually goes-to-the-doctor! That's a Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual, but it's still hard to watch someone you care about deal with discomfort.

Goofy Little Things

2009-06-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

If it's little thing that count, then it's the goofy ones that give us glimpses of a deeper love shared by two people. It’s just a touch or a smile sometimes, or perhaps it’s a special inside joke or action that warms our heart: While Angela and I were on our honeymoon we saw an older couple walking together slowly. The wife clung, with one hand, to her husband’s bicep like it was a lifeline. He reached across her - with the same arm - to hold her other hand. That is how they strolled around Niagara Falls. Occassionally, one or the other of us will grab the other's bicept and walk along a sidewalk. We may look strange to others, but we're sharing a fond memory.

Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang is a movie we've always enjoyed. Not far into the movie, Grandpa “helps” push a car by placing a single finger on his grandson’s back. We chuckle over this scene often. Now, in fact, we find ourselves imitating them just-for-fun. Doing so brings back fond memories and links our present to pleasant events in our lives.

I'm back

2009-06-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

It's been crazy around here!

Angela's has been ill, my sister has been here for a visit, and Brooke has had a big birthday bash.

Angela's been down for almost a month now, and she's bored to death. She hasn't been able to do much except go for doctor's visits, and she hasn't been able to see the granddaughters at all. She wept about having to miss the birthday party.

The good news is she has been a great patient. She has kept on the lookout for little things she can do without expending too much energy - like fixing a leak, doing the laundry, and helping with dinner. She has been busy with sleeping and reading too. Most of all, she has managed to stay in good humor through all of this, and what a change that has been!

See, hormones make all the differnce in the world.

SNAKE!

2009-06-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

“I don’t know how to say this but there’s a snake in the yard, and it’s a big one!” So said Angela, the past mighty hunter of all things creepy and crawly. It was a good-sized snake, but it was also quite lethargic. I must admit I was surprised she was concerned about it. Usually, when She was a He, he would just go get an ax and give it a whack – then come and tell me about it. It must be the hormones. I went out to take a look (and take a picture, of course, while Angela got an ax. The head was promptly removed and the body and placed in the dumpster. . It’s so nice to share the little things of one’s day, isn’t it? It’s just another of those Best things about being married to a T!

From my Draft on Bree!

2009-06-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

okay, so I should have posted this first, but my brain was on BABY and not on Posting!
Bree Caitlan arrived at 10:12 yesterday morning(May 29). She was 6 lbs 11 oz and 19.5 inches long. She came after 6 weeks of bed rest for our daughter who stayed with us 4 nights and two days each week, along with our 23 mo old granddaughter. Daniel’s parents took care of them two days a week at their home, and Daddy was in charge on the weekends. Daniel joined us for dinner sometimes too. He’s a good Daddy, but their staying here made it easier on everyone – sleep wise for Daniel, rest for Aud, and easier playtimes with Brooke - while we were still being able to tend to things here at home.

Miss Bree arrived not breathing, but quickly became the loudest kid in the nursery. Once all the docs and nurses finished fooling with her, she settled right down to sleeping. When she awoke, she began cooing at everyone. No one can resist smiling when a newborn ‘speaks.’ She’s in her room with her mommy and daddy now, resting on mommy’s chest and nursing well. We’re taking Brooke to see her baby sister today. That will be a treat for us all!
Ah yes, I was there for the delivery while Angela babysat Brooke at home. Yep, that’s a Best thing about being married to a T again!

Baby Bree Has Arrived

2009-06-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

May 29 a brand new person suddenly was, who never was before! (That's a line from the musical "I DO! I DO" based on the play The Four Poster). Her name is Bree Caitlan, and, of course, she's adorable! She was born cesarean, and she wasn’t breathing, which gave us quite a scare. “This is normal,” said the docs, as everyone else worried while they worked over her little body. There was a lusty cry after a few minutes, and we all smiled. She continued to howl for a good fifteen minutes while she was poked and prodded, measured, weighed, and put through all the required tests.

She came home on the first of June, and settled right into the routine of home life. She slept through dinner, so we all had a nice repast. Then she awoke and demanded her fair share. She’s an excellent breast feeder, unlike her sister, who had a difficult first week learning how that worked. Brooke was a month premature, so that was the primary reason for that problem.

Brooke has taken to her little sister completely. She’s offering to share her blanket, which is a real coup for Bree, since Brooke will hardly let her “blankie” out of sight!

Welcome, little Bree!

Things couldn't get any stranger

2009-05-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

It all started around 9 p.m.:
I was getting the baby ready for bed.
Our daughter, who’s been confined to bed rest through the last couple months of her pregnancy, was having contractions again.
Angela was going to bed to read. She was also having some having some indigestion/angina discomfort, and so she was monitoring her blood pressure. It was a little high.
10 p.m. rolled around and -
the baby began what was to become an intestinal episode.
Angela’s blood pressure was suddenly quite high(!)
Aud’s contractions got closer together.
11 p.m. and all H--- broke loose:
We headed for the emergency room, and checked in at Children’s Hospital
I warned the nurse practitioner that we had “a couple other problems going on.”
She said, “We have a full service emergency room, but we’ll probably transfer both of them to their regular hospital - if there’s time.”
I was seeing myself having to leave the baby at the hospital so I could take both Angela and Audra to another hospital – Aud to have the baby and Angela with another heart episode.
Because the baby was in distress, we were quickly upgraded and taken in to see the doctor.
Aud’s contractions were now 2 minutes apart, but when she lays down with the baby, the contractions lessoned.
Thankfully, Angela's blood pressure began to settle down.
Midnight
The granddaughter was diagnosed with an intestinal blockage after being seen by the doctor and having X-rays.
1 a.m.
The baby gets meds and soon appears to be on the road to recovery; Aud's contractions continued to lessen; and Angela was finally okay.
2 a.m. The blockage was taken care of, and all was well.
3 a.m. We checked out of the emergency room and returned home
4 a.m. Everyone went to bed.
6:30 a.m. Our alarms went off – It was time to get ready to take Audra to her 8 a.m. OB appointment.
Angela handled breakfast, and off they went while Brooke and I slept in until 8 a.m.
It’s great to have a T for a spouse! (Yes, Angela has an appointment to see her heart specialist next week!)

Dinner and a movie

2009-05-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

No, it wasn’t a date; yes, it was Dinner and a Movie.

We worked our behinds off today. Angela worked on more projects than I have fingers for – hardware for new drapes, cleaning house, doing the laundry, making a few store runs for her projects’ necessities and half a dozen other etceteras. I worked outside all day, mowing, planting, killing weeds, trimming bushes and working in the garden in 90+-degree heat. Dumb, huh? When I stopped at 5 p.m. I was beat – too tired actually. So she fixed dinner and let me cool off with a drink and a catch up on the daily national news. She also added yet another run to the store, this time it was to KFC for their coleslaw - just because I like it. She picked out a movie we both love, and we snuggled up on the couch and watched it together. What more could I ask for? So, here’s another Best Thing About Being Married to a T!

Busy waiting - how about you.

2009-05-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't been sitting on my backside, but I have been waiting around. Our daughter is 34 weeks into a problematic pregnancy and has been restricted to bed rest. Angela and I have been babysitting our granddaughter, sometimes at our home, and some times at our daughter and son-in-law’s. It’s amazing how busy a 22 month old can be. It’s also amazing how busy she's kept us. Our daughter and granddaughter have come over each Monday evening and returned home on Friday morning when Daniel's parents take over for the day. How do we work out our schedules? We compliment each other by using our strengths - Angela’s a morning person, and I’m a night owl. I do the middle of the night (2 and 4 a.m.) wake ups that usually amount to a few pats on the back, a couple ounces of milk and an occasional diaper change. Angela takes over the early morning wake up call (5:30 or 6 a.m., which is a bit early for her, but she manages just fine). She changes Brooke and gives her breakfast. That allows our daughter and me to sleep in. We both fetch and carry for our daughter and have a ball playing with Brooke. So yep, here’s another Best Thing About Being Married to a T. On our "off days" we mow the lawn, clean the house, take care of bills and otherwise sleep in. Meanwhile, we wait and stay VERY Busy! - All Day. There'll be a new baby "soon." We just don't know "how soon."

Laughing together

2009-04-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days when both of us had long job jar lists, were tired from a prior day of tree cutting, and our minds were fretting about our granddaughter's continuing bout with a stomach flu. We carefully managed each job and were actually feeling pretty good about whittling down our lists.

About mid-afternoon, we both seemed to run out of brainpower, I guess. I was mowing the back yard when Angela stepped outside onto the patio and motioned for me to ‘pull over and turn off the mower’. I did. She walked over with a big grin on her face. “You’d probably have more success,” she said, “if you put the blade down.” I looked at the yard and realized I hadn’t taken off more than a half inch of grass. I looked at Angela’s broad smile, put the blade down and broke out in guffaws. She joined me. She soon returned inside and I started the mower.

I put away the lawn tractor and headed into the house. The sweeper was going, so I walked in to report that her suggestion had resulted in a nicely cut lawn. I reached the hall and stopped dead in my tracks. Angela was sweeping the laundry room with the wand. The body of our upright Kirby stood at the doorway facing into the room. Dust and small debris the dogs had brought in was puffing out from the zipper area. A small, but growing, pile was forming in the hallway. A grin spread across my face as I stepped into the laundry room and tapped her on the shoulder. I waited for her to turn off the sweeper and then said, “I think you forgot to put the bag in the sweeper.” I pointed into the hall. She looked at the little pyramid of dust in the hallway and broke into a giggling fit. Ten minutes later, she was sucking up the mess with the shop-vac and heading to the Kirby store for replacement bags.

I love these times when we’ve caught each other in little boo-boos and can laugh together at our foibles. Ah yes, it's another Best Thing About Being Married to a T!

Hormones don't change everything or My T has a boo-boo

2009-04-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hormones don't change everything. Angela still has that thing about not going to doctors that most guys have. So, while working on installing the new sink, she got a boo-boo - a scratch from a staple. It didn't bleed much, and it didn't seem serious, so she didn't worry about it. A couple of days later, she showed me that the area seemed to have become infected. I suggested she open it up and give it a good cleaning out, which she promptly ignored. Well, it got worse. I know that doesn't come as a big surprise to most of you, but it did to her. We left for our RV trip on Thursday, and by then, it had begun to show little spots of puss through the pores of her skin in the growing area of infection. By this morning, the area that had been about the size of a silver dollar, had grown to encompass the better part of her forearm. So, we headed for the local emergency room. We were shown to a room quickly, and Angela was immediately put on an antibiotic drip. She was also given antibiotics in pill form. The drip took a tad over an hour, and when it was all done, we headed for the local drugstore to fill the prescription. All is well, and her arm is already looking better. She has felt fine through all of this, but she will have to hear a few, "I told you sos" from me over not taking care of her injury when it happened AND NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR when it starting looking bad! So, hormones may change many things, but it doesn't change hat old "no need to see a doctor" attitude. I still have the perfect T, but I have to warn you, Hormones Don't Change Everything!

Nurse Angela to the Rescue

2009-03-29T13:32:00.001-07:00

Ninety- percent of the time it's me that gets to play Nurse, because Angela has a penchant for falling out off ladders, slicing and dicing fingers, legs and other parts of her body, and less frequently, heart episodes. However, Friday and Saturday it was Angela that got to hold the barf bag. She has had plenty of practice as everytime I've had even the most minor surgery, I've been sick from anesthesia everytime. So far, medical sience hasn't outfoxed my system - my body knows when anesthesia is used - period. I'm okay in the dentist chair though; go figure. Novocain must not count, at least not for me. Anyway, among the hundreds of things my Transsexual is great at, it'd be a hard choice between fixing everything and be a great nurse.

When one is under the weather enough that a barf container must be nearby, one really feels sick. So, it is definitely a comfort to have a good nurse on duty. Angela fits the bill. I'm not good around anyone barfing, nor am I worth a damn if clean-up is required. That doesn't mean I haven't had to be around a barfer, and heaven's knows, I've had to clean it up - as does anyone who has kids and dogs. But, Angela has made it a career. If I'm going under anesthesia, she knows the look and always has an emesis basin under my nose when needed. This weekend was just one of those things - flu, cold, bad food (I've eaten out for lunch for 4 days running) or water - but I certainly kept her hovering. I usually made it to the bathroom, but she was there, just in case.

Now, I don't know about you, but having Angela around when I'm sick is decidedly one of the Best Things About Being Married to a Transsexual!

Spring

2009-03-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Spring is certainly here. Here in Fresno we are already having temperatures in the high seventies, and that means lots of yard work. My back and shoulders are already aching just thinking about it! You know what, though, Angela is the one that has to do all the hard stuff, and she never complains. It's sprinkler-fix time. Yesterday afternoon, while I was having lunch with friends, she dug out three sprinklers, replaced them, and had them up in running in the two hours I was gone. Now, if you live in a place where the soil is nice and sandy, that would not be a challenge. BUT: around here, we have this dreadful thing called hardpan. So, digging a hole that's deeper than about 6 inches is a real back breaker. So, I bless her little heart (and strong muscles, even though they are far less strong than when they were before David's transition ! Yeah, hormones sometimes work in reverse too.).

I get all the fun jobs like mowing the lawn, weeding and planting the garden. When I started laying out my vegetable garden, Angela quickly got involved. She got out the graph paper so my plots were perfectly measured out. While I helped dig the sixty-foot trench for the main line of the sprinkler system for my irrigation, she designed it! Not only does it work perfectly, but the row of sprinklers is detachable so I can get them out of the way for rototilling and harvesting. It's great to have a mathmatical whiz in the family. She has all the design savy of a decorator and all that logical brain stuff from her years as David!

Oh yeah, we're going to have to take down a tree. Dast oh dear! Retirement has its blessings, but having lots of ready monies for hiring people like tree trimmers and gardeners is not one of them. So, we have to take down the tree; It's roots are getting under the patio. The last time we did this it was a math project, so I'm sure this one will be all the more so because it's near the house. There are also several other trees in the back yard, so this particular tree must be dropped in exactly the right place. I know it will be triagulated, measured, and cut perfectly, so I have no worries. Again, Angela is my mathmatical angel.

Yep, spring makes me aware of many of the Best Things About Being Married to a Transsexual!

Seeing, doing and learning

2009-03-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Some of great things about RVing is seeing the scenery go by and leaning new things.

It's spring and many of the trees are blooming; wildflowers too. Other trees, still barren, remind me of animals or people. I should have pulled off to take some pictures with titles like Spooning Trees, The Rooster, The lookout, and many more.

While on this trip we passed a Windmill Farm. Yep, you heard me, a Windmill Farm where the family collects windmills and “plants” them in rows in the front yard. If you want to see for yourself: head East on State Route 88 off Highway 99 in California. It's on the North side of the street.

The RV Park was having a new water well put in. So, we took the opportunity to talk with the workers and learn about the process. Later in the week, we enjoyed watching the rodeo crowd roll in. Some of the young competitors had their "practice bulls" which are much like the mechanical bulls you see at arcades and bars except they are "hand driven." Another person must provide the “action” for the rider. It was also nice to add whinnies and donkey brays to the sounds around us. We were in Gold Country, so we learned how the placer miners lived. The area is full of museums and parks - wineries too.

Guess what? We were also Out-of-Touch with the whole world. Why? Our phones and Internet connections didn’t work 99% of the time because we were in the mountains. We felt like we’d stepped back in time a few years. Instead of being worried about our latest phone or email message, we thought about how the gold miners lived. We enjoyed chatting with fellow RVers, we caught up on reading, and we played with and walked our doggies.

Get an RV and ENJOY!

Work, Work, Work

2009-03-07T10:23:00.000-08:00

It has been a good time to have an RV, but THIS week did NOT turn out to be all we had hoped. It has been raining, you see. It has been raining a LOT, particularly in the area where we had planned to spend a nice, relaxing weekend with friends, walking the dogs, catching up on our magazine reading, and generally taking it easy. It didn't turn out that way though. We arrived at the chosen RV park and found it soggy, to say the least. RVs were getting bogged down left and right. Even the van conversions had to be pulled out of mud holes. We quickly decided that at 27,000 lbs, and 39' there was no chance we were going to escape sinking to our wheel hubs. So, we opted out of our 4-day weekend plans and headed back home. At least it was a lovely day for a drive. We had left at 9 a.m. and arrived back home at 4:45. Yes, we may have to forfeit our prepaid dollars, and yes, we still used up the diesel, and yes we will miss all the camaraderie with friends. But, we won't have all the muddy cleanup we would have had, not to mention possible repair costs if we'd had to have been pulled out of a bog by a tractor. Anyway, not going on an outing means Work, Work, Work.

It's spring. There are weeds to pull, gardens to prepare, and lawns to mow. All of it needs to be done RIGHT NOW, of course. So, one must prioritize, right? One should also do the hardest jobs first, I suppose - darn. Well, I chose to combine both an easy and a hard job. I began with spraying for weeds. With 2.8 acres, there are a lot of areas that need to be sprayed with "kill everything in sight - forever" stuff. That was the easy job. It only took a couple of hours. Next came the hard job: digging out weeds that may overtake trees and plants. There were more than plenty of those, I'm sorry to say. After all of that, I got out the weed and feed fertilizer. Needless to say, I was glad to see Thursday's List done.

Friday's list is short: dig-the-trench. Since we doubled the size of our vegetable garden area, additional watering systems must be installed. Its my garden, so its my trench to dig. The good news is the ground is wet.

Today is install the new watering system and finish the roto-tilling. I'll just have to ignore sore muscles over the next few days.

Angela fixed and shade in the RV that fell down, on Thursday. It was a big project because the plastic casing broke. She also did all the design for the new water system on Friday and made all the purchases. Today we'll install the watering system together, and we'll have a lot of fun doing it, mud and all.

Tomorrow will be mow, mow, mow for me while Angela cleans house and does the laundry. I love having a wife that is a handy person and a good housekeeper too! It's just one of those Best Things about being Married to a Transsexual again!

Working together

2009-02-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

Wow, we spent nearly a whole day painting together. We actually had lots of laughs too! Angela managed to paint one side of my jeans with the roller as she "helped" me move it. I managed to paint a couple spots on the ceiling. We both ended up with paint in our hair, on our faces, and on our clothes and shoes too. Believe it or not, we even had fun cleaning each other up afterwards. Go ahead, let your imagination run free - okay, truth be told, we we were too tired for any of "that." All of this took place at our daughter and son-in-law's home, so we had a 19th month old "helping" too. We all survived in good humor! Brooke threw a ball into the paint, and we all lost ourselves in laughter. We had lots of "you missed a spot" teasing, plus lots of helpful hints and, yes, touching and carrying on. In short, it turned out to be a delightful day, as virtually all days are with Angela. That's not to say there were good days when the "evil twin" (David) was around, (there were great!) but, now there is JOY instead of "some-light-moments". Now there is actual sharing of (and in) the work, and we actually enjoy doing these kinds of things together. Yes, when both people are who they need to be, life goes on like Real Life should be (or at least my version of "should). I'm so glad I'm married to a T - and so, guess what: here's another Best Thing About Being Married to a T! Oh yes, we got a great dinner out of the deal. Aud made a supurb chicken dish we'd have had to pay big bucks for at a restaurant.

Don't be a gaycist - or a Transist!

2009-02-16T16:46:00.000-08:00

Great video, if you're interested: http://jointheimpact.com/
Join in, be a part of the courage campaign. Fresno will be having a courage camp next month, and I'll be there.
Here's the deal, we're all in this together, and it's NOT 'just about marriage' - it's about Civil Rights. Everyone in the GLBTQI+ communities deserve the rights others have. We , whether you are straight (but not narrow) or already a part of the community/family, have to get everyone on board the civil rights bandwagon. There is no reason everyone who is committed can't file joint income tax returns, be recognized as a family member/couple when one of them goes to a hospital, dies, or is jailed. There is no reason they can't marry. There is no reason their marriage shouldn't be recognized in a state outside of the one they were married in. There are hundreds of reasons GLBTQI+ folks don't share the same rights as others, and it is just plain WRONG. Years from now, folks will look back and wonder what the hubub was about, and some will be ashame of the side they were on, just as happened with the last civil rights movement. Unfortunately, it was the folks who should have been in the forefront (the religious right) that were fighting against civil right for Blacks. Now, they're fighting against civil right for those in the GLBTQI+ community. It's time folks just decided people are people. Yep, there are bad and good eggs in each group, but that's no reason to hold up civil rights for anyone. Speak out, step out and help the cause. Get on board!

Computers are wonderful but it's good to have a T too

2009-02-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit I am no computer whiz. The good news is that Angela is. She's been knowlegeable about computers all the way back to the DOS days when she wrote her own programs. A few years later, she became a computer engineer through Netscape systems while she was teaching. So her coming to my rescue is not a new thing. Recently, while working on an 82 page document using a couple different computers, I pushed a couple buttons incorrectly and lost the whole thing. I fiddled with it awhile and then called on Angela for help. Yep, she came to my rescue and got almost all of the file back. As you might image, I wasn't particularly happy about that, so I decided to take the rest of the day off. She kept at it.

Today, there's good news in the Pettit household again! The file came up good as new on the portable! I don't know what voo-doo Angela did, but she saved my neck again! Now, this may not be a remarkable thing around some houses, but it is around here. That is so because, you see, there were lots of giggles, jokes and good natured fun going on while all that 'saving my neck' got done. That's just one of the delightful things about having a T around!

The Cure

2009-02-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Angela's cured of that one last compulsive aspect of her former life. David was such a clean freak that it drove me nuts sometimes(most times). I mean it was just below the white glove inspection, typical serviceman, clean. This last year, that has disappeared completely. Now, I find I have to watch that I don't turn into the "you missed a spot" nut. I can't help but chuckling though, when the sweeper just hits the high spots, or the baseboards aren't done. I do have to bite my tongue when there are fingerprints on the light switches and fridge door handles. I do get after her about missing my shower. Showers should just be kept after in my book. Okay, some of the compulsiveness rubbed off, I guess. I really don't know why that is the one thing that hung on with me, but it did. I think it's because my parent's home always seemed to have a mildew problem, so we all had to keep after it. My sister and I took turns as we got older, and my mother, at least until she was over 70, was a clean freak too. She used to iron underware and ties. Does that give you any idea what I mean? All the furniture was moved every two months, without fail, and rearranged too. I don't think our furniture gets rearranged at all, except to make room for the Christmas Tree. It seldom gets moved for cleaning these days either, and that's okay. Don't get me wrong, all the couches do get swept under with the extention hose, just not moved. Anyway, some days I get a bigger kick out of Angela's housecleaning tasks than others. She usually does it on the day I'm out of the house for the better part of the day, probably so I can't kibbitz. So, I think it's safe to say, Angela is a completely normal woman who has lots of things to do, and housecleaning gets done, but not to the near white glove perfection that used to be required. I'm so pleased! Aren't Ts wonderful? I just love the fact that she prefers to do the housecleaning. Yep, that's another Best Thing About Being Married to a T.

Computers are time eaters

2009-02-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

Boy, it's been three weeks since I last posted, and it feels like it's been ten minutes - well okay, ten days maybe! I've been on the computer a lot. I've found that means time seems to scream by. Before one knows it, hours have passed. I've been going to bed at midnight. I sit down at the computer around ten p.m., and the next thing I know, I can hardly keep my eyes open. The old clock on the wall (or on the computer) reads midnight or later, and I think I've hardly begun my project for the evening. I've been looking up recent pamphlets available for Ts as I'm updating my list. You see, I wrote a book about Angela's transition from my viewpoint. I think it's important that a wife's view is out there, particularly since our marriage is thriving since the transition. The only problem is that, for me, working on the computer makes time disappear! When I'm concentrating on something, I get lost in the project, and days can go by, not just hours. I love talking about Angela since her transition on this blog, and I miss doing it. But, as you can see, days have skipped by while I spent time on the computer. All I can say is I'm sorry! I'll try not to get so wrapped up in the computer that I let weeks get by me again.

It's a Gloomy, Glorious Day!

2009-01-25T12:30:00.001-08:00

Rain! Gads how I love it, even if it leaves the skies overcast and gloomy. Angela and I have been out cutting shoots around the olive trees that line the western side of our yard between rain showers. There are five of them. We got the largest done a couple of weeks ago; three done today, and the last will have to wait until our big dumpster is emptied. Damp weather and hard work may not be the picture most folks see for a glorious day, but I do. I do because Angela have fun when we work together. There's a bit of kibitzing going on, along with a fair amount of "let me help with that," happening too. After all these years, we've got this job down to something of a science, so we work well as a team. These lovely trees are great shade trees, even though they are messy. They send up loads of shoots, and they drop olives for half the year. Yet I love them almost as much as I love gloomy, glorious days like today.

I also love working in my garden when it's damp out. I like the smell of the earth, and I like knowing I'm helping a plant grow better when I yank out a weed. It's nice to hear, "that' lettuce is really doing pretty well," from Angela too. This is the first year I've tried lettuce. We don't get much time for "cool weather crops" around here. Besides that, the rabbits, moles, gophers, and birds have a heyday in the garden too - not to mention ants and insects.

I guess I like being outside in general, unless it is way too cold or hot. We don't get many of the way too cold days, but we do get the hot ones. So, today was a perfect day. We got some of the rain we needed. We got another portion of a big job, the trees, done, and my small lettuce patch is weeded. I'm tired and happy. Now I must hit the grocery store before the kids come over for dinner. We'll have a nice steak, and we'll play with Brooke, and we'll catch up on what Aud and Daniel have been up to for the last week.

What more could someone ask from a gloomy, glorious day?

Saved by the T!

2009-01-15T11:46:00.001-08:00

Whew! Talk about being lucky, Angela saved the day again! Not only did she save the day, she saved our lives. On top of all that, she made us very comfortable as well! Okay, here's the story. You know we go RVing, and this past week was no exception. We had a lovely stay with the Rainbow RV group at Morro Bay. We had glorious SUN (which we don't see a lot of in Fresno), too much wind, just the right amount of wind, and perfect temps mid day.

The first day started out just fine except for a cold wind which pretty much ruined our evening gathering since it was outdoors. Because it was so windy, we pulled our 4 slides in (it was too noisy otherwise). When we did that, we noticed we had no heat in the front of the coach. After putting the slide in and out a couple times, everything was working fine again, so we went to bed. The next morning, Angela said she'd "worried through the night." So, she decided to "check it out." Good thing! What we had was a kinked gas line! I don't know if you know much about propane, but it's deadly - as is most gas when it gets out in an enclosed space. We hadn't sprung a leak yet, but because the hose flexed and kinked-depending on where the slide was, it was obvious it was eventually going to break/spring a leak/open a hole. Of course, it was Saturday, and we were in a small town we weren't familiar with. It was also 4:30 p.m. which meant anything open was likely to be closed in 30 minutes. Angela turned off the gas and set about removing the line. The RV folks told us of a local hardware store, and Angela dashed off to find them. The nice folks at this ACE Hardware (that's a plug folks) helped her get all the connectors and so forth. She was soon back to work replacing the whole thing, and redesigning how it would be routed so we wouldn't have the same problem again. After it was all said and done, she admitted, "I didn't think I'd be able to do that." That's a first for her! She can fix almost anything, and I just assumed, because of that, that she had worked with gas lines before! I was blithely unworried as I handed her tools and held the flashlight for her. As usual, though, she did a perfect job. So, she saved the day, our lives, and our comfort, as we'd have frozen our buns off if we hadn't had heat all night! She is a wonder, and yep, this is just another "Best Thing About Being Married to a T!" I am very thankful for her "can do" attitude, and her willingness to tackle new projects. Her mechanical abilities never cease to amaze me. She later said it was because she had so often replaced hoses on cars that she was willing to tackle this job without fear. Most of us "girls" don't have the experience with cars that most guys do, so again her "guy knowledge" came to our rescue - without the attitude though! Boy, am I lucky to be married to a T!

Happy Birthday to Angela

2009-01-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

Today is Angela's Birthday - well, one of them. It's the Anniversary of her SRS. There were a few years when she celebrated her "real" birthday, the date she began hormones, the date she began to dress full time, AND the date of her sex reassignment surgery. As you might imagine, being a woman, she expected gifts for each of these occasions. I indulged her initially, and then I began to whittle down the dates until it was just two - her natal day, and her arrival day. After we retired, she elected to maintain only her original birthday, as that is when her family celebrates it with cards, letters, and gifts.

I can't, however, let this day pass, because it is important in ways far more noteworthy than merely a date on a calendar. Officially, for sixty years, she existed in the wrong body. She hid herself. She hid from her parents, siblings, relatives and friends, and then she hid from her wife and daughter as well as more friends and colleagues. She became withdrawn, depressed, angry, and more and more unhappy with each passing year. Finally, she confessed to me. She was sure I was going to leave her, divorce her, and take our daughter with me. She was sure she'd loose her family and all her friends. Instead, she found - and freed - her true self.

She became a woman somewhat gradually, starting out as a closet cross-dresser, and then, after her dramatic revelation, she dressed openly. We joined Tri-ess, got counseling, and discovered that Angela's belief that she should have been born a woman was real. We began to follow the Harry Benjamin Standards as we moved towards her SRS. We had the help of excellent professionals, particularly our councilor and psychologist, Sally Hunt.

Her surgeon was a marvel, and we certainly recommend Dr. Brassard from Montreal, Canada. His clinic and staff are wonderful, and his recovery lodge is delightful. We both wish all who make this transition an equally outstanding medical team.

Now, Angela is ALL woman! She wears blue jeans and sweatshirts sometimes, and she isn't always in heels. Inside her, though, she's dressed to the nines - or even the tens or elevens, if you ask me. The reality is that she is happy. She IS Angela, and she's all mine. If this transition hadn't happened in 02, we would have been divorced, and both of us would have been unhappy. We would have lost our soul-mate, and we would be without our true selves. We are individuals, but we are part of a team, a twosome, and we are a couple. We couldn't be happier.

Happy Birthday, Angela, I love you!

Holidays End

2009-01-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

I don't have a job to return to like most folks do, so it's my Job Jar that tasks me now. It's filled with all the things I was going to do, meant to do, and should have already done. My single New Year's Resolution is to actually get after all of those.

My main Going-To-Do-Job is to watch what I eat. I lost 35 lbs last year, and I plan that this year will result in a like loss (four stars to Nutri System, but I can't afford them now that I'm not working). I've stayed under 150 in '08, and my '09 plan is to get down to - and stay under - 135 lbs.

My Meant-To-Do Job was finishing the inventory of the house. I got all but three rooms done, this year, even though I promised myself I'd do the whole house. Oh yeah, I should add that I hope to add the garage and shop building WHEN I finish the three rooms that are not yet completed. My biggest problem with accomplishing the inventory of a room is there are too many"stoppers." You know what they are drawers filled with all the things I can't seem to throw away. Emptying them isn't as easy as I want it to be, but I promise to accomplish the task, none the less.

The Should- Have-Already-Been-Done list is the "just for me" things that should've been added to my daily living plans years ago: more time reading, exercising, and writing. Well, this is the year they are going to happen.

The good news is Angela will be supportive. I like that. The bad news is she'll pester me to do them. I guess I like that too.

If You're Happy And You Know It

2008-12-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that I've noticed this year passing more than most because I've seen how our granddaughter has grown and changed over the year. (Watch any child and you'll see time passing before your eyes.) She's the delight of my heart, of course.

I don't mind the year passing, perhaps because it's been filled with good memory-making days. Brooke, of course, is first on that list, as are all the silly and fun things Angela and I have managed to get ourselves into. I've never mourned a year. I don't want to go back to any of them, even those I consider "the best." I'm one of those "onward looking" folks who drive others crazy. I like looking back at memories; I have lots of scrapbooks I look through from time to time even. But, they aren't any of the things that keep me going. I'm curious about What Happens Next. I want to know about the next great discovery in science and medicine. I want to see what new things Brooke discovers. We're are expecting a new granddaughter come summer, and I know I'll enjoy great times with her too.

I can't say getting older is any picnic, but it does have it's good things. There is more time to myself, time to try new things and do all those things I wanted to do, or should've done, through the years. I have time to spend with Brooke; I have time to go RVing; I have time to work on a memoir about Angela's transition and a fictional story too. I can sit and read a book, or take a nap, or write to a friend (yes, I still write actual letters as well as email). Most of all though, I can enjoy time with Angela. Although we've been married 42 years, I've wanted to know this new person Angela more and more. She's almost 9 if you count from her SRS (sex reassignment surgery), and you know how 9-year-olds are - a little silly, a little snugly, a little of all sorts of this and that. Well, that's Angela all over. She's into everything, way more than me, so I learn lots of stuff from her. I think I read a lot, but she puts me to shame. I read about a book a week; She's finished three. I read one magazine a week, and she reads three. She knows the news before it's news half the time. Isn't that great? Between Angela and Brooke, I don't have a chance to feel older.

Okay, there are a few more aches and pains around than when I was 20, but So What! I'm healthy, and most important, I'm happy. I love Angela, Audra, Brooke, my puppies, and all the rest of my family. I love to see what Angela and Brooke are going to come up with each day, individually and together. I love seeing Audra grow as a woman and mother, and I enjoy seeing her marriage grow. I love watching my puppies play, although I still miss Kathryn the Great more than I can say (she died in November), I love Snowball's Chance and Cassandra. I just plain love each day. I hope you do too. Happy New Year!

My transsexual nurse

2008-12-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

It was my turn, I guess. I've always played Nurse Nellie when David/Angela managed to have any of his or her variety of accidents. They ranged from falling off a ladder - once as David and once as Angela; two heart episodes, again one as each; many bangs, bruises, cuts and gashes. I've been the one with the hydrogene peroxide, gauze, ace bandages, neosporine et al. I've also been the one who insisted, "We're going to the hospital on this one."

Yesterday was a gorgeous day, and there was no rain in the forecast for at least two days. It seemed the right day to spray the "No-Vegetation-Forever" weed killer. Our RV parking area was overgrown, and the sprouting vegetation in our driveway was forcing cracks open in the asphalt. So, I got busy. What I didn't do was pay attention to where my head was. Yep, I gave it a solid clunk on the corner of one of the RV room extentions. I assured myself of no serious injuries, and then I made several rude remarks to the offending corner and about my own inattention. I was soon back to work, however, although well away from the RV. Ten minutes passed, and then I noticed something dropping from my nose and then off my chin. I blinked away a bit of dampness on an eyelid, and puzzled, I reached up to see what the heck was going on. My forehead was covered in blood, and it was rapidly dripping down my face. I headed for the woodworking shop where Angela was putting together her latest project for baby Brooke - a desk/toy box arrangement. She took one look at me, grabbed my arm and headed me toward the sink. Due to previous accidents of her own, all the necessities were readily available. After a thorough washing out, hydro-peroxide and etc, she applied pressure to the top of my head and marched me into the house for further aid.

I'm happy to report that, outside of a gash about 3/4" long on the top of my head, I'll survive. She wouldn't even let me go back outside. She picked up all my stuff, and then returned to make me a cup of tea and hand me my book. "You're in for the rest of the day," she said. See how lucky I am to have my own T nurse around. She continued to check up on me through the afternoon, touching up any oozing, administering gauze and refilling my tea. What more could a wounded, inattentive person ask for? Yep, this is another Best Thing About Being Married To A Transsexual.

Holidays with a Transsexual

2008-12-26T11:45:00.001-08:00

Again I know how blessed I am to have a T in the family. She's just plain tops in the kitchen! She can lift the heavy pots that I'd have to struggle with - like the turkey in and out of the oven, quickly and efficiently. She's great at carving it up too. Since I've retired, she's stopped doing all the cooking, which is fair, but she continues to do ALL, and I mean ALL of the clean-up. Now, who could ask for more than that?! But, even given that, she was in and out of the kitchen to help with this and that as I was getting prep done. She also always sets the table when we have company, even when it's just the kids. We had Daniel's folks over Xmas Day evening for dinner, so we had 6 for dinner, so there was plenty of cooking going on.

She's just a treasure with the gathering up of all the discarded wrapping paper and helping with keeping the various piles of gifts organized so we can get pics with each person and their gifts. Then she whips it up into bags so those who are away from their homes can take them easily. She's very organized without being anal about it. It's positively GREAT!

She's a good hostess too. She helped with all the falderal that goes with Xmas with guests. Almost none of that would have happened before the transition. He would have helped with the clean-up, and he'd have been "nice" to the guests, but, as I said above, the transition has made a remarkable difference. It's still fun to watch her interact joyously with folks, even after almost 8 years since the transition (Jan '01). She's also right in there with the kid and all her toys too! What an entertainer she is, and the two of them together are quite an act.

Anyway, I'm blessed to have a T in my life. If you have one, I hope you are equally blessed!
Happy New Years to everyone

Me? I'm a Straight Lesbian

2008-12-16T23:31:00.001-08:00

Okay, I know everyone doesn't agree with me on this, BUT, it is MY OPINION that those who hurl "you've killed my loved one," to anyone who is transitioning, is WRONG about that. The "killing off" of that person is the person doing the killing, not the person who is transitioning. THAT IS DIFFERENT than deciding that one cannot face being viewed as, oh, the horrors of it all, a lesbian! Give me a break. Lesbians are people too! If people could get over labels, most people would get over themselves and their fears of being labeled. Okay, I get it that some folks think they can't have sex unless it's between a man and a woman, including the penetration stuff. I don't think there are that many folks out there that haven't heard of masturbation, sex toys, and all the other ways that one can come to orgasm with the person you love without a penis being involved.

We are often asked, "are you a lesbian now?" by students. My answer is what I titled this piece - "I'm a straight lesbian." That usually gets a laugh, and then Angela and I can talk about labels and how they don't always fit everyone. Labels are okay if you are talking about large groups in general; but when you are talking about specific people, it's usually better to talk about the person and not label them as one thing. Saying that Einstein was only a (pick one) scientist/mathematician/physicist wouldn't exactly fit the bill would it? He was much more. So too are your friends and family. I don't introduce my friends as "this is Josey, she's a heterosexual." I introduce her as my friend, and then I tell more about how special she is. What she does in bed with a partner/lover/spouse NEVER shows up in the conversation. Why should it? Why should anyone care what she does, or what I do, in the bedroom. I don't want to know what my friends, or yours, do in their bedrooms.

I married straight. My spouse became a woman. Now I certainly appear to be a lesbian. But to merely say we are two lesbians negates the 35+ years we were married as husband and wife. David didn't die, and we are still married, and we are still as much in love as we were when we married. David became Angela, took hormones, had some parts rearranged, and now she is who she should have always been. I'm glad I wasn't so worried about being possibly being viewed as a lesbian that I would have lost my spouse, who happens to also be the person I love more than any other.

I was called a lesbian when I was younger because I stood up for homosexual friends, one of those times was just months before I married David. Those folks were wrong then, but I didn't care. "Sticks and Stones my break my bones, but words can never harm me" is something we all learned when we were kids. I still believe it's so. My lesbian and gay friends are as dear to me as my heterosexual friends, and I don't give a fig what any of them do in their bedrooms. I don't introduce them as my lesbian or heterosexual friends, I introduce them as my friends. I also don't care if folks consider me a lesbian, because that doesn't begin to define me.

I'm sorry if your spouses can't see their way clear to get over the fact that others might view them as lesbians. I'm sorry that the only way they think they can have a "marriage" is to have penetrative sex with a man. That's THEIR choice though, not the Ts.

We used to be afraid to tell anyone there was CANCER in the family! We used to be afraid to let our children play with a kid who's parents were divorced. We were afraid to have someone of another race move into the neighborhood. Very few women worked. Now, wearing pink to support cancer research is popular, and everyone talks about it, openly! Now, more than half of marriages fail, and one parent families are the NORM; noone worries if their kids play together anymore! Diversity rules in neighborhoods, schools, and the workplace now. Women are half the workforce. Aren't all these changes better? I think they are.

Don't be afraid to stand up and say, Gays are people too, and I'm proud to be part of an accepting family. If you are worried, have qualms, or are afraid about having a T or a gay in your family - get yourself to a PFLAG meeting! That's Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (plus Ts and Bis and Questioning, and all the other letters in the alphabet!)

If you are afraid of what people might think - think of those who wouldn't stand up against the holocaust! "They came for my friends and I wouldn't stand up against them; they came for my neighbors, and I wouldn't stand up against them; when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me." Think about it.

There are still pictures of David in our house; there are also pictures of Angela in our house. We still talk of David, and we still use he and him when we talk of those times. David never died, he's part of Angela, he's part of our family, and he's part of us. Now she's Angela and we use she and her. We don't worry if someone sees us as lesbians, or as just a couple. We're still married, we're still spouses, and most important, we're still in love with the same person we origionally married more than 42 years ago.

I know this isn't the way it works for some folks, and I understand; but I hope, someday, it will be that way for everyone who wants it to be.

Same person, different package - there is no death

2008-12-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

People change. Children grow from infants - to preschoolers - to teens - and to adults. Parents age and often become dependent, and the person who transitions changes outward appearance as well as assuming more outward traits of their new gender. All of those things are real, and they are natural. Many people say the person transitioning has killed their daddy, or their mother, sibling or their spouse. THAT IS NOT SO! Did I say that loud enough? If every child, spouse or sibling that screamed "you've killed my Daddy/Mommy/Spouse/Brother/Sister" at the transitioning person had their heads screwed on right, they would realize that it is THEY that have "killed" their loved one.

Okay, think about it. When your kids grew up, did you stop loving them? They certainly aren't in the same package they arrived in, not by a long shot. As they grew, their personalities changed; did you stop loving them then? When they became adults, they changed more, as they took on adult responsibilities. Did you stop loving them then? No, because they were still the same person in a different package.
Has your spouse changed from that romantic person you dated? Do they still dress up every day, or is it blue jeans and a shirt?What? There are no more high heels, no vests and ties? Do you two still hang on every word the other speaks? Do little presents happen every week? Do you still go out on dates regularly? Adults change too - same person, differnt package.
So, why do some think that it isn't okay for the transitioning person to change - even dramatically - even into another gender?
It's their choice if they kill off the transitioning person.
Oh yes, there are certainly adjustments to be made, especially for a spouse, but look at it this way. Let's suppose the transitioning person had had a stroke or was in an accident. What if they were suddenly debilitated in some way. Would all of the friends and family think of the person as having died? NO! Would they think the person dead to them because of this dramatic change? NO! In fact, friends and family would EXPECT the spouse to stay and take care of the newly debilitated spouse; children would adjust to Daddy or Mommy: Siblings would adjust to this changed Brother or Sister that's now in a wheelchair, or blind, or whatever else might've been the result of the stroke or accident. But, when a person changes gender, some families fall apart.

Here's my take: they never loved the PERSON. They only loved the "being a couple," having the money, having the just-like-everyone-else person.

Angela and I have been blessed, we are still together (42+ years), our families accept us (except for one sister out of 6 siblings), and most of those who were our true friends are still with us (yes, we lost a few in the transition - their loss, in my opinion).

Angela is the same person; she's just wrapped up in a different package. She's so much happier, and that makes happy. She's so much more outgoing(less inhibited), and that's a plus for me. She's certainly freer with herself to me, our daughter, our family and our friends. I love it. I think I'm the one that is blessed.

One bit of advice to the transitioning person: go slow and follow the Harry Benjamin Standards. You won't regret it.

How'd a week get by while I wasn't looking?

2008-12-11T23:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's December, and the days whiz by. I know that; gads, I can't believe a whole year has zipped by me, much less a week! BUT, I do TRY to not let so many days get by me between posts.

I admit to being worse since Kathryn died. I miss her so much. It's been a month and 4 days right now. She died in my arms at 11:35 p.m. I hate it. That's not to take away the fact that I love our other two dogs, but Kathryn was special. We all have those special pets, and she was one. So, I get lost sometimes, just thinking about her and missing her. Angela has been a sympathetic comfort as she misses her too.

I like winter, but I don't like damp cold, and that's what we've had of late. I get house bound and that means lots of reading and snuggling in. Now, when we lived in snow country, I liked to walk in the snow (No, I didn't like driving on ice at all!), even when there was a blizzard out. We lived in South Dakota, and I grew up in Ohio and Kansas. Angela grew up near Buffalo, and she thrives in winter weather. That means she is always up for raking leaves, trimming trees, and all that outdoor stuff. Good thing, or I'd stay indoors for half our winter months. She takes the baby out to play in the leaves. I go out and take pictures, then return to snuggle in with my book. I love her to death.

We've been RVing too - and it was cold at Duncan Mills (near the coast along the Russian River). We had dirty dog feet problems, but we overcame them with love and patience. Bless Angela's heart. Since we've been back, she jury rigged an extension on our outdoor RV hose so we can wash the dogs feet outside in warm water (we've been using a pan of warm water). She also made a duck board so they won't be standing in mud. Now, that's not only helpful, but above and beyond the call of duty! See what I mean about the bennies of being married to a T.

So, that's how the time gets by me. I'm just blessed with an understanding T that I love to death!

A Grandkid and a T

2008-12-03T15:11:00.000-08:00

What a combo those two are! They are always up to something, and there is no telling what it might be. They are both inventive, and most of the time, they are inventing ways to get in my hair. By the time I have one area tidied up, another has been turned into a disaster area. I will say this much, though, when it's all over, Angela is as often as not, the final official tidier-up of the area. I guess I fell like I've been running interference all day, so she gets the final put everything in its place detail. They are particularly good at blocks. I find little stacks of them everywhere. Books too, seem to be in piles here and there. I am noticing that te baby is playing by herself more and more. Angela is always hovering nearby if I'm not in the room. That's a good thing. Now that we have the tree up, it's best to not let her out of sight, even for a minute. We've told her it's like the TV - look but don't touch - but, we know how much temptation is in view. So far, and it's been three days, there has only been one ball removed, and that was because she bumped it. No, there are no icicles this year. Safety first. Anyway, if you have a grandchild, a T is the perfect sitter. You see, she gets to experiece all that girlie growing up through the eyes of the child. It's a joy to watch them both go through all the discoveries as they happen. As it happened, Angela, as David, was off fight a war, so she, as he, also missed much of the growing up of our daughter. Now, she can experience it for the first time. What a treat for me.!

Okay, I'm pooped

2008-11-26T13:26:00.000-08:00

I'll say one thing for Angela: she can wear you out! She's one of those "always busy" people. Me, I can sit on my can and listen to the birds twitter from time to time. Once in awhile she'll actually sit down to read for an hour, but most of the time, her reading is in bed or at lunch. She's a morning person too - so, when sun-up arrives, she's out of bed like a shot. That's absolutely wonderful, because on the days we babysit, she's already read the paper and had breakfast before the baby comes over for our babysitting days (Tues-Thursdays each week). I get up at 8. Boy, am I lucky! See, there's another of the Best Things About Being Married to a T - two actually - she's up early and she loves to babysit! It's the other days that wear me out.

She still gets up at the crack of dawn, and she's ready to "get started" on whatever her Project of the Day is by the time I've stumbled out of bed and started my breakfast. I can usually hold her off long enough to get through the morning paper with my coffee and munchies by distracting her with "have you checked your email." Then we're OFF TO THE RACES! Usually, it's the yard that takes the most of our time - 2.5+ acres keeps two ole gals pretty busy, let me tell you. She works on tree or hedge trimming while I'm the pick-up detail. It's great exercise, but I'm ready for bed come bedtime, let me tell you. I'm just glad she can still work the chain saw (Yep that's another Best Thing About Being Married to a T!) I do most of the mowing, because she does almost all of the housecleaning (we recently switched jobs, 'cuz I'm TIRED of doing the housekeeping!), but that doesn't mean there still isn't PLENTY of yard work besides the mowing. We have a garden, as in vegetable garden. What the rabbits, gophers, birds and bugs don't get, we get to share. She's handy with the rototiller, which keeps the weeds down, mulches up the compost area, and softens up the earth for new rows of seeds and seedlings. I do the hoeing, planting and weeding. She helps with digging out stuff - like the corn and tomatoe plants when they're done. We did all that yesterday, then we put up a fence to protect the lettuce plants. So far it's Rabbits - 20, us 12. I hope the fence helps. We'll see. So far today, she's cleaned the fish tank and steam-cleaned the main walkways through the house. She also fixed us two nice BLTs for lunch. Now she's off to Home Depot for the paint for the granddaughter's toybox/desk she's building. Me, I've been working on rearranging a wall sized book case in the family room. So, you can see what I mean, when I tell you it's only 1:30, you'll know why I say. "She can wear me out!"

Love and romance

2008-11-22T22:51:00.001-08:00

I had lunch with friends yesterday. One of the topics of conversation was romantic love. Most thought that romantic love died pretty quickly after the "bloom" was off the marriage. Well, I have to differ. First off, love doesn't seem to just be something that appears and then hangs around without anyone doing anything. Love requires that one, actually two - the partners/spouses - take notice of it. Love is about being able to gaze into one's/each other's eyes and know that truth is there; that caring is there; and that most of all love is is there. Note I didn't say adoration or infatuation. Oh yeah, it's great if your spouse adores you, but I'll take true and honest love anytime. Adoration means being up on a pedistal, and I want to be side by side. My parents touched each other often, in a loving and caring way, and they looked at each other in loving and caring ways. Angela and I do that as well. Oh yes, there are the teasing looks and touches too, but more often than not, there is just that brush of a hand, a kiss, a look that reminds us how special we are to each other. As my friends talked of the loss of romance in their lives, I kiddingly suggested they get their spouses/partners on hormones. I don't see a lot of difference though, between the looks and touches we have now and the ones we had before. You all know that Angela, as David, was critical and compulsive. In those periods, I'll admit there wasn't much touching and looks of love going on; BUT those were PASSING times, outside of those minutes or hours, we returned to our "norm" of caring for one another. Now that Angela is who she has to be, there is no need for those compulsions and need to be critical, because they were driven by her need to make me who HE couldn't be. She IS who Angela needed to be, so both are gone, along with the depression that accompanied that. So, there's lots of romance in our lives, always has been, always will be. You can have a "date" with your spouse/partner at home; you can have one just passing in the hall. Just think what a lift you get when you know that look, or that touch, that says, "I love you," happens. Don't forget to say those words daily too. Romance isn't hard to come by, when you pay attention to it. one doesn't need to be a T to be a romantic, and one doesn't have to be married to one either. But, Angela is, and I am, and I think it's great!

It's all about love

2008-11-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

Loving a T is pretty easy. Just do it. Ts aren't really any different than the rest of us. They just need to be who they have to be. If you're trying to figure out IF you should love them, the answer is yes, because while they are still the same person you always loved, there will certainly be some changes. It comes down to loving the person or the package. Now, society would tell you, "how could you leave a spouse who had an accident or a stroke that left them changed." Those same folks would ask you, "how can you stay with someone who is making this change." First off, if it's the person you love, then the change will only be for the better, because they will be who they really have to be, and they can stop hiding, and holding that real person down. What freedome that will be for them - and YOU! When we told our families about Angela's transition, which we did in letters, one from each of the three of us - David/Angela, me and our daughter (then in college), this is one of the paragraphs that speaks to this issue:
I like David, I love Angela, and I know making a life with her will be much more pleasant and easy going than at any time with David. I do not regret any time with David. I always knew Angela was back there, hiding, somewhere inside. I knew it then, and I know it now. It was Angela I was in love with, as a part of David, and now as a much larger part of the whole Angela.
David did not tell me about Angela until we had been married 20 years, yet I knew there was someone she was hiding inside because I could see climpses of that real person often. What a difference it made when WE freed Angela. David isn't gone, he's still here in our memories and our hearts, and in lots of pictures around our house. There are pictures of us together as a family, and all of his A.F. awards are in the study - 36 Air Medals and the Distinguished Flying Cross among others. There's no need to grieve the loss of David, because he's still here, as a part of Angela. It's just that the right personality has been allowed to emerge, and it has literally saved our marriage. Now, married more than 42 years, I can happily say that; and I would encourage anyone wondering if they should encourage a transition, I'd answer YES! But, please insist the T follow the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care. Everyone we know who has done so has had a wonderful and safe transition. Those who have not, have had nothing but grief, problems, and serious physical problems. Do it the right way, and you'll never regret it. One other suggestion - go, watch the surgery, you'll see that every part is reused, and you'll know what's what and where. Look it at this way, every woman wants a wife!

Kathryn the Great

2008-11-11T14:38:00.000-08:00

Kathryn the Great passed away at 11:30 p.m. on Saturday. She was number one dog, and has been for ten years. Only one other of my many pooches surpassed her in holding my love, although there isn't a dog that hasn't been well loved by me. Frankie, a collie, was my sympatico dog, and I swear she could read my mind. Frankie thought she was our daughter's mother, and she was one dog in a lifetime. Kathryn was next, and making her Kathryn the Great was absolutely necessary, because she was great in every way. She was interested in everything from the moment her eyes open each day until they were closed, and woe to anything that woke her at night. She was right there - on the spot - to the the slightest noise or irregularity. Mostly, though she was just the perfect dog. She was pure love most of all. She knew when a kiss was needed, and she knew when doing something silly would have us all in stitches. She had the zoomies at least once a day, and she snuck up and pounced on her ball like a cat. That was because our old male cat raised her, and our other two dogs. She had a pink little tummy she loved to share, and she used her front paws to hold on to everything - me in particular - when she was playing or giving kisses. We had a morning ritual where I lay on the floor with each dog in turn for little morning personal time. Kathryn was always in earnest at this time, as if she knew this start- of - her - day was the most important thing she could be involved in. And, so it was. There was playtime and breakfast that followed, but those were just passing things. She knew what her floppy-poppy ears were, and they flopped about when she bounced or zoomed around. She knew she loved having her chinny scratched, and if she stretched her back paws out, she knew they'd call me from any room in the house to kiss. There was a pink spot on one that made it especially darling. Her pretty-face was so cute and full of expression I could read her mind. She had a particular scent that was hers alone, and it was soft and sweet. She never smelled like a dog, and she loved it when I gave her smooches between her eyes, that was her Kathryn-smell spot. Sometimes, she gave puppy kisses, and even at ten, her kisses smelled and tasted like a puppie's milk breath. She loved a particular ball, and it was her treasure. Now that ball rests with her in her grave by our patio in the back yard she loved. She was the sweetest, smartest, and most fun of dogs, and I will miss her terribly. She developed cancer, and within a week of discovering the first lump, she lost her sight. She was gone two weeks later. I miss her terribly, but it was better that she died quickly rather than suffering. She took two shuttering breaths as she lay beside me, and then she was gone. She, like Frankie will always have a special spot in my heart and memory. She was Kathryn the GREAT!

It's about what's right

2008-11-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

While Angela and I will not be affected by the defeat of Prop 8 in California, a great many GLBT+ couples will. We remain legally married because we were married as man and wife. There have been too many times that the Bible has been used to deny rights to people, and it's time we stop. The Bible is misused by the religious right when they pick and choose particular verses to follow, without following the rest of them. It's misused when anyone decides that their interpretation is the ONLY right one. It is particularly interesting to me that those who consider themselves evangelists are downright certain that every word is direct from God. A little reading up on the Bible would appall them. The Catholic Church had the primary decision rights as to what went into and did not go into the Bible as we know it. The current evangelical churches, most based on Southern Baptist faiths, certainly do not hold with the Pope, nor with many of the tenants held by the Catholic Church, yet they accept the Bible as it stand unequivocally. Through the years, revisions have had more to do with the politics of the time than with Divine inspiration. Anyone who has been in an argument on politics or played the whisper game know how easy it is for things to go awry. Add to all of this to the fact that time after time the Bible has been translated. Just think how just one word, or a misplaced comma can change the whole meaning of a sentence. Additionally many things we take as rights have changed. Slavery was accepted back in biblical times, as was subjugation of women. Children worked and girls were expected to be married and bear children at very young ages. Of course, people didn't live as long then, with exceptions such as Moses and Methuselah, to name a few, if you believe that literally. Time after time, those considered "Bible Thumpers" have been proved to be on the wrong side of Right. We have a newly elected black man as president elect. Civil Rights carry the day now. Eventually, having second class citizens will disappear. Unfortunately, in many states, it will take longer than in others. My greatest sorrow is for those of the religious right who will eventually find that a member of there own family is among those they've campaigned against. Too many GLBT+ folks commit suicide because of their second class citizenship, and the religious right should blame themselves. The right to love someone should be something everyone supports, especially those who would otherwise wish to share the joys of marriage. I certainly wish for all my GLBT+ friends and associates the right to marriage in all its glory. I'm blessed to have a good marriage. Support the rights of others - please.

Loss

2008-10-28T12:35:00.001-07:00

There's a lot of comfort in a hug or a hand on the shoulder. They have the most power in times of passion and sorrow. We loss those who are special to us in different ways. Sometimes a dear friend moves away and chooses not to stay in contact. In that case only memories linger, generally of times of laughter and shared experiences. The loss though is "casual," the pain of the loss is a memory with distance. The loss of a dear parent, a sibling, or child is front and center of our day to day life. Even the thought of such a loss brings compelling sadness; then when it happens it is devastating for days. Weeks and months pass before the hole fills with memories; Years pass as the loss softens into the touch of feelings. The loss of a pet, too, brings harsh emptiness for a long time. The hugs and touch of those closest to us wash us with love as we face those losses. Angela is particularly good at knowing just the right time to reach out with a hug, a pat on the shoulder, or a personal gaze with meanings of nothing but love and support. I treasure the knowledge that each loss is abrogated by her enduring love and caring. There has been no immediate loss, although both of my parents recently passed away, and now two of my pets are seriously ill. Even so, Angela always seems to know when I'm lost in a memory of those losses, or the impending ones. She appears from somewhere, and out of the blue, reaches for me to touch or draw me into a hug. It's a special bond we've only shared since her transition. I bless the day she began following the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care including hormones, real life test and her final transition.

Mornings

2008-10-23T16:05:00.000-07:00

I am NOT a morning person, never have been, and never will be one most likely. It's a shame, because the mornings are always pleasant, crisp and usually clear, even in the California smog areas. Angela, on the other hand, IS a morning person. Thank heavens!

Angela is the one who takes the dogs on their morning walk when we are RVing. Yeah, she putters around the first fifteen minutes, but once she's up and going, there is no stopping her. She has the dogs on their three-way leash and is out the door. They're gone anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes just soaking up the early rays of the sun and checking out all the fresh smells of the morning. When we're RVing up in wilds, there are lots of animal smells for the dogs to catch up. She usually gets a paper too. We aren't the type that turns on the TV, so we get our news from the morning newspaper 99% of the time. Yes, we occasionally catch a network news show if there is something going on - like 9-11, the economic mess we are in, or an issue (like Prop 8) that we are particularly interested in watching how it's progressing.

This morning, things got bollixed up. I'm the night person who takes the pups out for the 2 a.m. or 4 a.m. potty call. THIS morning, they woke; I stumbled out of bed and slipped on my blue jeans and jacket; I managed to get at least one eye open so I could get them on their leash, and out we went. Ten minutes later, we were back inside. I peered at the clock face and realized it was two minutes to 6 a.m. Dast, oh dear! Our alarm was set to go off at 6 a.m., so I'd let a perfectly good Angela-take-the-dogs-out opportunity go by. Horrors!

So, yep, this is another Best Thing About Being Married to a Transsexual, only this morning, I missed it.

What's it all about?

2008-10-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

What's marriage all about anyway?
Love, caring, sharing, commitment, at least that's my answer. I think a lot of marriages have that. I also think a lot of them don't. My parents did, and my sister and I often talked about how hard it was to live up to that example. There is no question that those two people had all of those qualities in the 100% range. They'd easily die for one another, and, in fact, they did. My mother pined away while my father was in a nursing home recovering from a bought of pneumonia. She just didn't cope well without my father around, even though she saw him often, and for long periods. She dropped dead on her 80th birthday. Literally. My father returned home not long after her funeral, and he was gone within a year. He cried over her pictures nightly. At the funeral, my niece gave a beautiful eulogy about how when she'd come to visit she'd see them dancing together in the living room - sometimes to music only they heard, and sometimes to something on the radio. She spoke of how they often touched one another, and how you could see love in their eyes whenever they looked at one another. When they spoke of each other they always had nice things to say, even if they were passing over a rough patch. Yes, they had a few fights in life, usually at night, after we kids were in bed, but they always went to bed together, and always had kisses in the morning over breakfast.

Our daughter would say the same things about us now. Now that Angela has transitioned, I mean. Before that, at least from the time she was in 3rd or 4th grade, we didn't get along well. David was reclusive, compulsive, depressed and critical. By the time our daughter had started school David and I were growing apart and starting to argue. I had become tired of always feeling "not good enough." He didn't want to leave the house unless he had to; he always criticized what I wore; he never liked the way I did almost anything - cleaned house, fixed dinner, loaded the dishwasher, folded the clothes - and yes, I altered how I did them often to suit his current needs. By the time she was in junior high school, we were two people living in the house, but we were living apart. We slept together, because sex was always good, but we could no longer cope. Our arguments were loud and not pleasant.

Then there was a dramatic change! David told me he'd been hiding his need to be a woman. I told him that was okay, and we moved forward to allowing him to cross-dress. We got counseling for our marriage, and after a time, finally discovered that all that bad behavior came from his suppressing who he needed to be - ANGELA! Once we found the right councilor, blessings on her, and David began to follow the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care, our lives changed completely. Angela was a happy person - the depression was gone, and with it went the compulsively and reclusiveness. She was the life of the party, finally free to be who she had to be. We began to kid with one another; we began to go out - often. And, my hurt feelings about all the criticism disappeared, because I understood David was projecting Angela on to me. He wanted me to be who he couldn't be!!! Duh! Why hadn't we seen that all along? So, when David became Angela, I didn't need to fulfill that roll anymore. I was free to be me too!

NOW we have that marriage my parents had. Now we have our own lives, and it is great! We love one another more deeply than when we met and married. We share our souls now, not only our lives, but everything about ourselves. We are committed to one another more surely than ever before. What a treat it is to be married to a T!

Don't forget

2008-10-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

Don't forget all the ones you love, even when you are concerned and concentrating on one with a problem. Perhaps I should say especially when you are concentrating on one with a problem. I've been worried about a close relative, and our granddaughter's croup caught up with me! I was concentrating on the one with the problem and missed the bad cold. Yes, I mentioned that she had a stuffy nose, but just a couple of days later, she was in the hospital. Not long after that, I had my mind on my newly diagnosed with diabetes dog, and I failed to notice a growing problem in another dog. Now, surgery is scheduled for her. Similar things happen with friends, so, the lesson here is don't be so wrapped up in one that you fail to keep an eye on others just as close. It doesn't matter if its family, friends, or pets. I've learned my lesson, so I thought I'd pass it on to my readers.

Now, all that being said, given all of the above, Angela has been a huge help with support on all fronts. There have been lots of extra phone calls to the family member, and then trips to the hospital and extra phone calls for the granddaughter. Angela has been a huge help with giving shots as I learned my way through that. It's a two person deal. I do the "pokes," but Angela handles the analysis and all the other "stuff." She was right there with me when we took Kathryn, the "other" dog into the vet, and she helped with the exam and X-rays. She'll be there for the after care too. I know I couldn't have always said that before she was a T! She's as involved with babysitting the granddaughter as I am. Before, the dogs were strictly mine. Now, she's as attached to them as I am. So, I am again, so very glad to have my Transsexual spouse!

Please vote NO on Prop 8 if you live in California!

Getting Ready

2008-10-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

I always seem to be getting ready to do something. More often than not, it's getting ready to get ready to do something. That's just not how it should be. In other words, something always comes along that sidetracks me while I'm doing all my "prep" work to finish up a project or two. Of course, the fact that I usually have more than one project at hand could have something to do with why they don't all get done in a timely fashion - including my blog. Angela, on the other hand, always seems to start a job and finish it before tackling another. That's not to say that distractions don't take her away from her primary task from time to time, but she's usually pretty dead on. I think that may be a more male trait that has hung on. I see that many women always are doing umpteen things at once. Perhaps that's because it's hard to focus on just one thing when one has children, much less children and job! So, we tend to multitask better. The good news is, Angela's transition let her multitask and keep on track. How's that for a Best Thing About Being Married to a T?

Life Happens

2008-10-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

Goodness, it's been nearly a month since I was on this blog. Believe me that it wasn't because of lack of interest. Time just disappears when one's life has a few small blips that are unexpected. Those same blips make me appreciate the things I love all the more however. Our middle dog, Snowball's Chance, became quite ill, and I rushed her to our trusted vet. She has diabetes. That came up quite suddenly and took us completely by surprise. While being a doctor might have been a fanciful dream of mine when I was a kid, having to poke my dog to get a little spot of blood to test, give shots, and keep her happy through all of that has shown me that it's a good thing I didn't become a doctor. No, I'm not squimish about blood in the least, but I am no professional about getting a little bead of blood to pop up. Who'd have thought that would have been hard? So, blessings on all of you who do it so well!

A family member has been going through dealing with serious depression. I'm a long ways away, but that doesn't make my concern less. It's frustrating to not be able to help other than to give advice and support. Blessings on all those professionals who help folks caught in the spiral of depression.

It's fall, and that means lots of yard work when one has 2.5+ acres to tend to. Mowing is a full day of work, and that's with only a break for lunch. Bless all you pro gardeners out there, I wish I could afford to have you help with this yard more frequently than only when we are away for more than 2 weeks!

Now, all those things are going on, and when one makes a short list, they don't seem like much, but they use up physical and mental time, because they are added to the day to day things we do and already keep us pretty busy. The good thing I have on my team is Angela! She's always there when we are babysitting. I'm not a morning person, so she takes care of the early part of the day. She's also a great relief pitcher when I'm just out of sorts or maxed out on dealing with a toddler. She's the strong arm in the yard, doing all the trimming with chain saws, details like hedges and edging that would otherwise add hours to the job. She is a wonderful support with a nice back rub or back scratch when my emotions are frazzled with worry about my depressed family member. She's right at my side as we deal with our little dog. She takes the hard job of doing the poking at getting the bead of blood, or she handles the monitor portion. The bottom line is she's always there, my loving help mate. The lines of who's job is what and how it's done have all gone away. We share the jobs and projects at hand and we make them special. So, Angela is my ace in hand, so yep, this is another Best Thing about being married to a T!

Kisses in the hall

2008-09-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

Love is all about kisses in the hall, when you pass one another, or just when you happen to be close. Love is saying I Love You more than once a year, it's saying it every day, at unexpected times, and when it's least expected. Love is all those little "love" touches also in the hall, when you pass one another, or just when you happen to be close. It's also holding hands in the yard, in the house sometimes, and out sometimes. We are fortunate to be in California where two women, or men, holding hands, or touching one another in appropriate manner, is accepted. I have never been one to suggest necking in public, or deep kissing, or certainly not going futher, but hand holding is always okay. Anyway, think about how many times you tell the person you've committed your life to, then count the times you show it, say it, or act on your love besides actual love making. It's those little kisses and touches in the hall that make all the difference. They remind each other how much you really care. What a difference it made to us when Angela no longer had to hide who she was. David certainly used to touch, kiss, and hold hands, but it always felt more obligatory than desired. After she started cross dressing it was the most natural thing in the world. Now it's every day, and what a blessing it is. Yeah, this is one of those Best Things about being married to a T again!

Comments Please

2008-09-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hey guys n gals n all else in between! I'd like to hear from you. Those of you who have left comments already, THANKS! If you leave a comment and want a response that isn't published on your blog, leave me your email address so I can contact you outside of your blog. I'm enjoying many of your blogs as well. I think that more couples will stay together as time goes on, don't you?

Sometimes our own fears about being perceived as a homosexual couple create problems for us. We don't "exactly" fit the "typical" gay couple mode since to just say, "We're a lesbian couple now" doesn't quite work, does it? You see, that sort of negates more than half of our married life. That's why I kiddingly say, I'm a "straight lesbian," or "We certainly appear to be lesbians now, but we don't quite fit the typical mold." Of course, both of those responses lead to more questions and answers. The whole idea is to make people think about labels. Labels work for a large group "in general." But when one gets down to specifics, about one or two individuals, those labels don't fit, do they? So, yes, we DO appear to be a lesbian couple, and we don't care if that's what folks think, but we find it much better to reveal that Angela is a T and that we've been married for more than 42 years! We can also joke about having it both ways. Trust me when I say, THIS way is the best!

Say "Thanks!"

2008-09-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

Please say Thanks to all the folks that support all the things you like to do. "Huh?" you may say. I'm talking about advertisers and sponsors of events you like to go to, newsletters you get, even newspapers. You know what, many of the events we all love to attend wouldn't happen if sponsors and advertisers didn't pay all the upfront costs just to have a chance to have a small booth, a banner, or an ad in a newsletter. I'm on a board, again, yeah, even after saying "never again" a half dozen times. Believe me, if we didn't have advertisers and sponsors, a lot of things we do wouldn't happen. We have to pay to have our newsletter [printed: it's the advertisers that defray the cost. When we rent a space for a big event, it's our sponsors that make it happen. Yes, we put in the time and effort, but the bills have to be paid up-front. What they get in return is a booth, or their banner displayed. So, it's important that member let them know they saw an advertiser's ad, or stopped by their booth, or noticed their banner. It's helpful if our members frequent our advertisers and sponsors, because there are plenty of other organizations out there asking for their dollars to suppor their events. I worked in advertising for more than thirty years, and trust me when I say, if an advertiser doesn't hear, or see, that their money is well spent, they'll give it to a different newsletter, event, or group. So, say "Thanks for supporting our event, our cause, our newsletter," when you go into a store. It's especially important for those of us in GLBT+ organizations, because not everyone loves us, as you know. So, please say "Thanks!"

Ah, Paradise

2008-09-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

It's ten a.m. and I'm sitting here at the computer, still in my jammies catching up on email and waiting for Brooke to wake from her morning nap. I've got a cup of tea nearby, and Angela is out doing all the shopping - you know: groceries, drug store, bank, pet food place, home depot, and anywhere else that has all the necessities. I'm so glad she likes to shop, 'cuz I do not! Oh, I'm okay with our monthly trip to the base for commissary and base exchange services, but all that other searching out all the needful things is just not my idea of fun. I'd much rather be with friends, working in the garden or yard, or playing with the granddaughter. Angela's love of the shopping aspect is just another Best Things About Being Married to a T! Don't you wish you had a shopper spouse?